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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

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I want my beautiful mam back I miss her so deeply it physically kills me. I feel so alone. My dad has moved on completely and tells me to move on or 'get over it' I can't. I have suppressed it for a long time cause I have to raise my son. I'm trying to suppress it again but find I can't. I just want her back. I never got to say goodbye. And tell her i love her. 17 months ago, on the night she passed away. Is the night I because a smoker... I never smoked a cigarette in my life before October 28 2015. My dad rang me on the Monday and told me he 'leave her there' (my mam was asleep in bed) 'she's not helping herself' where his very words... I said I'd go down and he told me not to worry. My mam had severe rheumatoid arthritis and was constantly in undiscribable pain. I saw her. I know how painful everyday tasks that I take for granted where for her.... She's my world, my life. I'd give absolutely anything to have her back. Or just be with her. I keep seeing myself jumping into the river from a bridge as I cannot swim or jumping in front of a bus or truck.... I know I have a family to think of. But I just don't want to be here anymore....

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I urge you to go talk to a professional about how you are feeling. They will be able to help you sort through your emotions and struggles. 

I realize you miss your mother, as we all miss our parents when they die, but there are people who still need you, including your son. He needs a mom as you did. 

We will be here with you,

ModKonnie

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The Girl   

I'm sorry for everything you're going through.  Losing your mom is a terrible thing, something difficult to process and emotionally demanding to recover from.  I lost my mom 3 months ago and early on in my grief I basically felt like I was going crazy.  I felt like dying would be easier, that maybe it was even reasonable.  But I thought about my family, especially my dad, what they've all gone through, how it would affect them.  It was brief for me, but those consequences were the same.  Your son needs you.  As the moderator suggested, professional help can allow you to process everything you're feeling and guide you to a better emotional state.  What you're feeling now won't last forever.  Please continue to share as you're able to. 

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Kathy27   

I'm so sorry for your loss. Personally I have struggled with suicidal thoughts for 15 yrs. I have worked hard to over come this but the loss of my dad and the actions of my mother has brought my world crumbling down around me. I tried to kill myself the week he died. I had to get 5 stitches. The nurse said she could see the tissue I cut so deep. When I was arrested they put me on suicide watch. I was kept from my 5 yr old for an entire week. who I have never been away from for more than one night. They wouldn't let me call and check on her. I was butt naked in a cold cell with nothing but a tear proof smock. I had to bed for water or to shower. This is not the place for a person who is suicidal because it only makes it worse. I have continued to have these thoughts. And then I feel guilt when I look at my daughter because I know I'm all she has. No one understands not even my boyfriend or therapist. 

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