mom How do I move on from the death of my mom..

[Jess314]

November 18th, 2014 my mom picked me up from my overnight shift at 7 a.m at Wal-Mart... as we were driving she asked if I "wanted to go to her house or be dropped off at mine" I told her i would go to her house because I wanted to cook dinner when she got off work at 4... 

I didn't think that would be the last time I saw my mom. I didn't think that kiss on the cheek and "I love you and I'll see you later" would be the last time I really saw her... I went inside that morning and went to sleep on her side of the bed. Only to be awoken by my brother and dad who flown into the room in tears to tell me the horrible news... that my mom passed away at work due to a massive heart attack.... 

It's been a little over 2 years and I still feel like it happened yesterday. I feel the wind get knocked out of me every time I think of her. Or every time I think about the "what ifs..." 

I miss her so much it kills me inside.  Since her death I've gained 80 pounds and my life has gone completely down hill. I don't have much of a family and what little family I do have, doesn't cope the same way I do. My father is an extreme drunk and my older sister is a heroin addict who gave birth to a baby boy that I now have custody of. 

I just wish my mom was here and I don't know how to deal with the pain of knowing I'll never see her again.. It eats me alive every single day.

[The Girl]

You're going through a lot and it's not an easy journey to make.  I feel for what you're going through, and I'm sorry for your loss.  Have you had anyone to talk to throughout this?  You mentioned your dad and your sister not coping well, and grieving differently than you.  How is your brother doing?  And aside from talking to someone, are you doing anything for yourself that can take your mind off things, even if only for a moment?

I lost my mom 3 months ago and haven't talked to my dad or brothers much.  My mom was kind of the glue that held everyone together, so I understand, at least in my own way, how it feels to have your family suddenly shrunk beyond that loss.  It can help to have someone who will listen with honestly but w/o judgement.

Have you considered seeing a therapist?  A trained ear can be more helpful at times.  Sometimes we're hit with tragedies that are so difficult, we alone can't find the path out of it.  Please know you're not alone and that you will one day get through this.  It's a lot to recover from, and a lot to be dealing with during your recovery.  

[Jess314]

My brother doesn't talk to any of us much. He doesn't talk to my sister or dad because obvious reasons; their addictions. We talk sometimes but not about that. I feel like no one talks about her anymore and I almost feel guilty if I ever bring her up during a conversation with my family. 

I've tried to talk to a therapist but it didn't work out so great.  I didn't get much out of it. I do talk to my best friend about the situation but I feel she only understands very little what I'm going through because she hasn't experienced losing a parent herself. 

I know eventually these feelings will fade slightly and it will get easier but it just sucks right now. It really fucking sucks. 

[The Girl]

It does suck, you're absolutely right about that.  I know what you mean about having a friend to talk to who can't really relate.  It's nice to have someone available, but it can feel limiting in how deep into it you can get.  I'm sorry your family can't or won't help you through this and be open to talking about your mom.  

If it helps, you can share as much as you'd like about her here, or what you're going through.  It really depends on the person, but for some it's helpful just to get the words out.