DeLane

My first time with a support group

4 posts in this topic

I lost my only child Jan 2015. My son was age 30 leaving behind a wife n 4 ur old daughter. It was a sudden loss from an accidental drug overdose. We were very close n since he lived a mile away we saw each other almost everyday. i thought I was dealing with the grief ok the 1st year, but the last year 1/2 I have been very angry, not at him, but with life in general. I did become compulsive about many things n thought that was a way of coping with the "loss of control" in my life. My husband got the bulk of my anger. It was only 2 weeks ago that I had a "ah-hah" moment realizing I had been going through the anger part of grief. Now I am reaching out for a support group.

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Im so sorry for what youve been going thru. im only on day 12, but i cant get past the day to day life without him.ours was a complete sudden loss but he was in the hospital due to him be septic. 

how is his wife and child doing? im so glad you have been able to move into the next stage now. 

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Delane and Mamatink7,  I am so sorry for your losses.   I know these words get to be just background noise after hearing them so often.   You have found a good place to come.  Delane, my son was lost  2 months before yours.  He was 36 years old but no wife or child.  I know how hard hitting that second year was.  I told myself that all I had to do was get through the first year.  I am not sure what I expected but after that agonizing year  I entered the second year with  a whole new layer to my grief. Mamatink7, you are so new to this and your raw grief makes even breathing hard.You have come to a good place.  Right now don't think of how you will get through the rest of your life.  You need to think about the next hour, minute... that is all you can handle right now.    You will learn your way on this path. Sharing your pain can help.  I know you feel like you can never live through this pain but you will. But think about only getting through the next minute.  It is a rough and rocky road ahead. We have a very active thread under Loss of a Child-Loss of an Adult Child.  It is frequented by many parents like us in all stages and timelines.  I found this forum about a week or so after I lost my son and have stayed with it.  It has really been a lifeline for me.We have several parents that one of our members call "spirit guides" that have been involved for many, many years and are so compassionate, supportive, helpful.  Please come join us there and tell us whatever you are ready to, reach out or just get whatever you might need to out of your system for awhile. The current posts are found on the last page.

You have come to a place where those of us unfortunately know the pain of losing a child. all to well. But in this place we have bonded together to share, and support each other with this loss. When a child dies our world is shattered and we are brought to our knees The reasons for the losses are many, the lost children are unique and your grief is as unique as was the love of your sons.This grief process is one long, emotional roller coaster. No sleep, guilt, anger, sadness, No sleep, guilt, anger, sadness, repeat and throw in some sorrow and despair..... a grieving parent makes their way.  The path is never straight forward.  Someone once told me " SHOW ME A GRIEVING MOTHER AND I WILL SHOW YOU THE BRAVEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD>  SHE HAS LIVED ONE DAY WITHOUT HER CHILD." . Sometimes just being able to speak out can help, and sometimes just listening to the path of others can be a help.

 

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delane and mamatink7 I echo Dianne's words, she is very wise and I have learned a lot from her. The thread loss of an adult child is definitely the most active. It keeps us parents more together in a group and the responses are quicker because of that. I am so sorry that you both lost children it is very painful to be in need of a support group but it does really help because we have all been there and understand the raw emotions and stages of grief.

Delane we have other parents who have lost children to accidental overdose so you may find some parents that you connect with there. Ultimately it is not so significant how our children pass, it is the fact that they did. it is about parents reaching out to each other and sharing. We have all lost a future, all have a hole in our family and all have to pick up the pieces again.

mamatink7 I am not sure how old your son was when he passed in hospital? (not that it matters as we offer support to anyone who comes here.) Sepsis is known as the silent killer because it comes on so fast and is hard to  diagnose and treat especially if there is another infection present that is masking it.

I hope both of you can join us. It is ok if it is too difficult to post, just reading sometimes makes you realise you are not alone in feeling the way you do. It is also nice to be able to talk about your child when it makes other friends and family uncomfortable.

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