Members Thejenwen Posted May 15, 2017 Members Report Share Posted May 15, 2017 Hi there. my ex-partner passed away from cancer about a year and a half ago. 5 months after, I met my current boyfriend. We have been together for a year. It's been a semi-long distance, as we live about 1.5 hours apart from each other & I don't own a car here (in taiwan). He's also in school, raising chickens on his farm, making renovations to the farm house, and has a daughter part of the time..so needless to say, he doesn't have much time on his hands. ive been missing him a lot, struggling with missing him-not spending time with him recently. And I compared him to my ex today...as far as dealing with things and personality. And it suddenly occured to me that I'm possible having all these struggles and making comparisons because I'm not really over my ex; I never really spent time alone. I decided that I needed a break to think things out. We have had a great year together & ive already met his parents. They tell me they have never seen him so happy. I've learned so much from him as he's an amazing human being. if others have had similar experiences or insight, I would be very grateful to hear from you. Thanks in advance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KMB Posted May 15, 2017 Members Report Share Posted May 15, 2017 Thejenwen, Welcome to this forum. I am sorry for your loss. Cancer is such a dreaded word, disease. I am sorry your partner had to suffer in that manner before leaving this life. I lost my husband to sudden cardiac arrest. Just a few days away from being 9 months ago. I wish I had advice for you, but I do not. At my age, I have no intent on dating. But, I know that others do move on to other relationships and a new chapter in their lives. Which is a big part of why we are here, to give and receive love, to have fulfilling lives as we are meant to. To make a positive difference and leave a legacy of love for those we will leave here someday. It is quite possible the long distance in your new relationship is causing you the thoughts you are experiencing. A little separation to think things through might be what you need to process things more thoroughly. Like you mentioned, you met this new man 5 months after the passing of your previous partner. Everyone processes death differently, but maybe you didn't allow for a longer time frame for grieving and it might be catching up to you now in light of a long distance relationship and the infrequency of spending time with this man. Your new man sounds as if he is a decent , hardworking person, seeking to improve his life. His parents obviously approve of you and have witnessed the happiness in their son from being involved with you. You have a lot of love in your heart to give to this man. You are fortunate to have found a new love. Like I said, I don't have much advice. Hold your ex- partner in your heart but do not be afraid to do some reflecting, remembering and mourning and things will go according to how they are meant to. Your ex-partner will always love you and he would want you to be happy and live your life. (HUGS) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Yadairaisabel Posted May 15, 2017 Members Report Share Posted May 15, 2017 Hello!!! I am so sorry for your loss. When I read your post I felt like maybe my experience could be of assistance. When my fiancee passed away I had just given birth to our daughter 2 weeks prior. At the time I felt completely broken and never in a million years did I believe I would meet someone. About a year after his death I met my current husband. At the beginning when things got serious I doubted a lot that I could move on. I compared them often and I began to push my husband away. I soon realized that I was not over my past fiancee death but I also realized that I would never get over it. See the truth is that when someone you love passes away the pain will always be there. I learned to separate my feelings and realized that being in love again and having a stable family is exactly what he would have wanted for me. If you feel like you still need more time don't think twice and take that time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Thejenwen Posted May 16, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted May 16, 2017 Ladies - Thank you SO much for your responses. This is exactly what I'm seeking...thank you. It clarifies a lot of things and makes me feel more confident in exploring myself...& realizing that it's not fatalistic. I just sent an email to my bf to let him know that I need some time to heal myself and that this distance brings up unresolved issues for me. And that I love him dearly... Thanks again...Please keep the experiences and replies coming. Invaluable gems of wisdom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted May 16, 2017 Moderators Report Share Posted May 16, 2017 We don't "get over" them like that, grieving doesn't have an end but it does evolve and change form. It helps to know that you will continue to miss him even as you're building a new life for yourself, all of these feelings are normal and to be expected. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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