Unbelievable Pain and Loss

[AndyNS]

New here, My name is Andy.

I was the parent to Maya, a Portuguese Water dog who passed away in my arms at 4:50 a.m. this morning after a very short health battle.

Maya was 9 years young, never sick in her life until recently, I was told when I took her in she was a text book Lymphoma however we sent a biopsy away and it came back that she had an infection, for two weeks while on medication I have watched my best friend continue down hill, she was not doing so good last evening so I laid beside her all night whispering words of Love and comfort, I was holding her when she took her last breath.

Today has been a living hell for me, I am older and retired, I keep asking myself why, what happened, what could the docs not determine what was wrong, the pain I feel is almost unbearable, I am not really one to cry yet I haven't stopped all day, I just can't imagine my life without my Maya, how do we get beyond this? I realize time heals wounds and I would really like to fast forward.

Appreciate your words of advise

[pjo59]

Hi Andy. I'm sorry for the loss of your dog. I'm glad you were with her when she passed, and you were able to say your kind words to her. She felt your love and security until the end.

My cat died in my arms, three weeks ago tomorrow and I too was able to tell her how much I love her and made her feel secure.

There is no quick fix to this pain. The sting of death is terrible whether it be a human or pet death. I still cry often, sometimes uncontrollably. There's nothing wrong with that and it's very natural.

It helps to talk about it and it helped me to post a photo of my cat. I've dedicated a page in my scrapbook to her. It's her memorial. 

I do miss her greeting me at the door or waking and she's not at the end of my bed. This greif will not end overnight anymore than it did when my father died. 

Everyone greives differently. There's no wrong or right way. I find it is helpful to be with people who are understanding and supportive of pet loss. This board has helped me a lot. Everyone on here has been through what your going through. 

We all go through the what ifs, maybe something differently should have been done, did someone miss the mark. Usually, the outcome is the same, unless there was medical negligence. 

I hope you can make peace with your greif and have a peace of mind. That's the hardest but most needed thing during greif. I'm praying that God will hold you and wipe away your tears.

[KayC]

Andy,

I am so sorry...my dog is nine, to imagine the pain you are in right now...

pjo gave a very good response from someone who has been there.  I've lost many furbabies over the years, and it is very tough, one of the hardest losses.  Try to be understanding of yourself, as you would be a friend, you are grieving and it takes everything within us to do so.  Grief is exhausting.  No one can do this for us or tell us how because each person's journey is as unique as their relationship, but I have learned to embrace my grief, rather than fight it, we have need to go straight through it, to experience it, and I've learned there is no way to circumvent it  If we try to avoid it, it will find us and hunt us down.  Grief is forever, but it doesn't stay in the same intensity, thank God, we couldn't handle it if it did.  It evolves and is ever changing form.  It time we do adjust to what the death has meant to our lives, it doesn't seem fathomable at the time, but we do, although our heart continues to twinge with the pain of missing them.  I wish there were a cure for that ache, but I know of none.  A lot of people have tried avoidance through working, drinking (not a good idea because it's a depressant, further adding to our dilemma) but that doesn't plug the gap either.  Allow yourself the tears, they are cleansing, they are like a release valve on a pressure cooker, we need to feel our pain in order to process it...it'll happen.

I, too, will hold you in prayer.