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Greg66

Trying to help my fiancé cope. I've upset her

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Greg66   

Hey everyone, 

My fiancé's and I met just over a year ago. We fell madly in love in April of 2016. Her mom passed away suddenly in July. She's been going through a lot.  She's been trying to be there for her family. Her dad likely had PTSD from losing a business years ago and has been holding to some anger.  Her older brother has mental health issues and is a drug addict.  Your younger brother, while nice, has been dealing with the loss by engaging in drugs. Her extended family of her dad's side have been estranged for over 10 years and are back trying to mend fences (it seems genuine, but still very emotional). My fiancé's little sister's (from big brother big sister) mother passed away suddenly in February and she has been trying to be there for her. My fiancé is an artist and the last two to three weeks she has been dealing with a friend who ripped off her idea for painting in honour of her mother  

I wanted to be be the rock for her. I think I was for a long time. I've listened to her, been there for her.  Done whatever she  wanted to do.  I've prett much taken up all of the domestic responsibilities.  Cooking, cleaning, laudrey, etc .  On top of other stuff painting, etc. She was saying I've been so there for her she didn't know what she would do without me  

 

But past few months I have not been.  I popped the question on New Years Eve. We have a date set and venues booked. Invitations are out. But I'm worried we won't be able to afford it. I'm on contract at work and working hard to get full time permanent with more pay. I think. I have become so centered on that I became selfish. I wasn't listening to her. I was starting to hold grudges re all the work I've been doing and dealing with the stuff going on around me.  She noticed I was getting burnt out and encouraged me to rest and take some time to my self. But I really didn't and a few weeks ago I yelled at her and said that she was selfish.  she told me that March - May will be difficult to with her mom's birthday, her birthday and Mothers Day coming up.  I really let her down. This was the hardest time for her and I became selfish and resentful. She's obviously upset with me. It's mother day now and she's doesn't want me to come with her to see her mom's grave.  

I just want to be there for her.  I don't know what to do.  

 

 

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Dear Greg,

I'm so sorry to hear about your fiancé's mother. Its very a painful time. I think just letting her know you are available to listen is very important. Grief is not something that can be fixed or hurried along. The shock of loss is unbearable.

Maybe when she is ready, she might consider counselling or joining a support group. I find these websites helpful in understanding grief. What's Your Grief and the Grief Healing Blog.

Try posting on this forum:

http://forums.grieving.com/index.php?/forum/13-loss-of-a-parent-mother-or-father/

There are more people posting there who might be able to add their suggestions.

 

 

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