feeling depressed

[joee]

hello all , this is my first time on this site and first time ever sharing , the past year has been really hard with thinking about my brothers death 20 years ago that I witness , my cousin passing , my aunt passing and now my mother passing last Oct , and I never really had a chance to grieve for anyone and with mothers day im really feeling my emotions today and I feel like im on the edge , I do have a counselor I see once a week and she is great but for some reason I cant really say whats on my mind , I was always taught boys don't so everytime I feel a cry coming I put that wall up , I just don't know what to do

[The Girl]

I'm sorry for all you've been through, and now compounded by the loss of your mom.  This is also my first mother's day w/o my mom as well and it's breaking me.  You can absolutely speak freely here.  Kind of hard to judge anonymity, you know?  Letting it out helps the healing process.  It's healthy and after a loss like this, it's necessary.  

What I do when I need to cry but don't want to deal with everyone nagging what's wrong, am I okay, is I take some Tylenol/aspirin (thins the blood) and drink coffee (diuretic and opens blood vessels), both of those will reduce puffy and red eyes, and I also drink plenty of water to stay hydrated.  Maybe toss some green tea bags on my eyes if it was a really ugly cry.  Works like a charm.  Boys do cry, and they do talk about these things.  Girls just have more experience covering it up. 

Have you found any comfort since your loss?