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I lost my dad and I feel like I'm losing everything


WritersDaughter

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WritersDaughter

Hi everyone..

 

My dad was diagnosed with cancer when I was 14. Things got bad when I was 21. I took care of my father from the age of 15 on and I spent my twenties at home with him. In my late 20s my ailing grandfather also moved in with us...He passed away in December.  I am now 29 and my dad passed away April 19th. As ill as he had been for all of those years (four cancers, a stem cell transplant, many surgeries) his death came as a shock to everyone who knew him. While I started out grieving terribly but strong and getting everything done...I have over the last few weeks been falling apart and am terrified of losing everything. His death has affected my relationship with my boyfriend who lived with us and who is spiraling. We are both alternating pushing one another away or feeling awful about it. I am worried about losing my job though I have been there and working every day. I've been having panic attacks which lead into sobbing and missing my dad. I've tried to call bereavement hotlines and am either told that they are closed or that someone will call me back.

 

I don't know what to do. And I don't feel that a lot of people understand. I feel lost without my dad. Ive spent so much time taking care of him and my family that I don't really know who I am anymore.

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I lost my dad in February. He was a writer as well. 

I have not felt right since January when he got sick. I put on a very brave face at work ( I have to- I am a counselor who listens to other peoples problems) but by the end of the day I am exhausted and emotionally spent. I sense that people feel like I should be over by now, but I am constantly on the verge of tears. I do not feel like I am being successful at my job, my marriage or parenting. I have become short tempered and depressed.

I don't have the answer on how to move forward, but I empathize with your feelings. You are not alone.

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Dear WritersDaughter,

My deepest condolences and sympathies on the passing of your cherished dad. I'm so sorry for your pain and sorrow. You are a very devoted and loving daughter. Everything you are feeling and thinking is natural and normal after such an important loss. Grief hits all us so hard. I know its easier said than done but try to be kind and gentle with yourself right now.

I know you mentioned the grief hotline did not call you back right away. But don't give up and try to look for other resources. I really like this website called What's Your Grief and the Grief Healing Blog. There is also GriefShare.Org, The Grief Recovery Method, Legacy.com.

Please know you are not alone. We are all here to listen and support you. Thinking of you during this difficult time.

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WritersDaughter

Thank you both for answering. I've felt so alone in trying to get help. I've entered a depression and my boyfriend has left for the time being because he can't handle it or himself in this. I just feel so alone. But thank you so much for sharing and for helping.

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It is hard for those around us who have not experienced a personal loss to understand. You did so much for your dad. This moment in life is almost unimaginable. I wish none of us had to be here. I know it feels like you are alone in our pain, but try to remember this forum will be here for you. Take care.

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Hi WritersDaughter,

I am very sorry to hear about your Dad, it sounds like you were a great daughter to him and I'm sure he loved you very much. I am 31, my dad passed away suddenly almost 6 weeks ago, I lived with him until I was 28 and still saw him at least twice a week. He has had a lot of medical issues, cancer when I was younger and heart issues for quite awhile, he had a heart attack 6 years ago and they suspect that he had another one the they he died. I became very close to him whilst we were looking after my mum who also had cancer and passed away when I was 18. I was an absolute wreck the first few weeks, I don't know how I even managed to plan the funeral to be honest. I'm still sad every day, hate being alone and feel that I could have done more for him and maybe even saved him. My husband has been amazing and very supportive but I know what you mean, you get worried about losing everything and everyone around you, I have never felt so alone and I have had so many people around me. All I can say is that getting up every day, going to work and doing simple things like cooking and cleaning are gradually getting easier and I am trying to get through it by focusing on one day at a time, sometimes breaking it down even more by thinking I just have to get to lunch time, and then I have to get to afternoon tea time and eventually I am home and getting into bed. It's slow progress but I just keep thinking that dad wouldn't want me to give up, he made me a strong person (even though I feel so weak right now) and that he would want me to have a happy life. Please know that you aren't alone in feeling like this, I'm happy to talk whenever you need/want to. 

Rachel

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