My first love passed 2 years ago. I'm struggling with moving forward

[Brookie]

Let me start off by saying these past two years have been filled with struggles I could have never even imagined. I lost  my first love to a motorcycle accident 2 years ago. Michael and I were together for 4 and a half years before he passed, so losing him was like losing my other half. I am 23 now of course 21 at the time. At this age you want to plan your life and he is who I saw in my future and who all of my hopes and dreams were tied to. Michael and I had an amazing relationship so when he passed I was crushed. I have gone through every form of grieving I can imagine almost to the point that sometimes I catch myself trying to block out memories because my Heart has already FELT so much with this whole whirlwind of the last 2 years. I have really truly been trying to find positivity and think of him for all of the wonderful memories instead of the feeling I felt the night I found out he was taken from me. After 2 years of coming to terms with him never coming back I am now facing another struggle. I am falling for a man by the name of Jordan despite my effort to try and push everyone away. Jordan was there for me a few months after Michael had passed really as a shoulder to lean on and a friend with a listening ear. He knew I wanted nothing more than to just be heard. Jordan actually knew Michael and also missed him dearly. Well, after some time, I slowly started to fall for this new guy that has helped pull me out of the darkness. He went from being a friend to being someone I truly felt I could be myself around. Someone that saw me at my darkest and cared for me anyways. The difficulty of this whole situation is telling Michaels parents that I am movin forward. I never want to move "on" as I will never replace Michael with anyone, but for my own sanity I do need to move forward to the best of my ability, and I think I have finally found happiness with this man. I am just struggling with figuring out how to bring it up to Michaels family that I have found new love. His family has clung to me since his passing because I am so similar to him, and they feel when I'm close that he is as well. I just don't know how they will take this news. All of this stress has really brought a lot of worry and anxiety onto me.  My poor boyfriend now has been so patient and has been dealing with being kind of kept a secret for some time now. I don't think that's fair. I think he deserves to be shown off, but I don't want to break the parents heart when they find out I have found new love. I'm tired of stressing and I'm tired of feeling guilty and crying on my own about this. I want to tell his family but I would be heartbroken if they no longer wanted anything to do with me. I don't know how to go about this situation. I know that if I lost a child it would be extremely hard hearing that the person my child last loved has found someone new. Please please please someone guide me in doing the right thing and finding a way to tell them. I want nothing more than to just have this weight lifted. I care too deeply about everyone to ever want to hurt them. I miss Michael every single day and I just want them to know I will ALWAYS love him, but I have to be loved at some point too. I'm so sorry for the novel. I just didn't know where else to turn at this point. Nobody around me can relate seeing as I lost the man I wanted to marry at such a young age. Being 23 now I don't feel any wiser about how to deal with this kind of situation. 

 

Below  I attached some photos I hold close to my heart with my guardian angel

[Autocharge]

2 hours ago, Brookie said:

I miss Michael every single day and I just want them to know I will ALWAYS love him

This is what I would tell them, you said it all already. see quote above. I hope one day I will be were you are (moving forward "new normal"). I miss Trish every single day and I will ALWAYS love her. I know my in-law's are waiting for this day to come for me. For I know they want the best for me.

Autocharge

[M88]

Hi Brookie, I am so sorry for your loss.  Traumatic grief is a tough, and one thing I have learnt recently is to deal with people issues,  sooner rather than later.  As you know, not doing so creates anxiety, guilt and stress and keeps you in limbo. 

 Thinking as a parent here, if Jordon knew Michaels family and know he has been a wonderful support for you, they may not be surprised that you have become a couple and will be happy for you.  Often mutual friends of former partners are attracted to each other as you already know them well. 

You are a gorgeous young lady with your whole adult life ahead of you and I'm sure Michaels folks will have anticipated you'd fall in love again one day. 

I hope they will be happy for you and accept Jordon.  I think the sentence Autocharge has quoted is really lovely and something they would love to hear from you. 

Sending strength and hugs. X

 

 

[Francine]

 

Brookie 

First of all I'm so sorry for your loss; the pictures are just lovely and so apparent of the love you shared for each other.  Michael will always be a part of your life; you'll never forget the love and memories you shared together.  That love will never die.  You are so young and have the rest of your life to live; and I would imagine Michael would have wanted you to.  I think you are stressing too hard on how his parents will react. 

Your life has been stressed enough;  There's a reason you and Jordan found each other; fate, perhaps; but it was no accident. When God puts love and compassion in your heart (in the form of Jordan), HE's offering you an opportunity to love and be loved again; learn to accept HIS blessings; don't ignore it or try to hide it; act on it.  It is a wonderful feeling to be loved and somebody is always looking to get what you have.

Don't overestimate Michael's family; I think they would want you to be happy; the bond that links you with his family is not blood, but love, unity, respect and joy in and for each other's life and happiness.  Trust yourself and your heart; you have survived a great ordeal and you will survive whatever is happening now.  Stop beating yourself up for your feelings for Jordon, it is not serving you or him justly.  Learn and stop looking behind you; turn around and see what is right in front of you - Jordon; and better yet, what lies ahead for you both.

Continue to post; we are all on this journey together to uplift one another.  My prayer is for God to give you the strength, love and peace needed to get through this difficult time in your life. 

[KayC]

Brookie,

You have nothing to apologize for, nothing to hide.  You have been wonderful to your partner's parents, remembering them, continuing to care for them, and that can continue as you and they want.  Life is about change and how important it is for us to adjust to those changes!  Sometimes the changes are unwelcomed but always we need to learn to accept them, wanted or not...and with that we move, learn, grow.  

You have been blessed with someone else in your life and that is to be celebrated and enjoyed, I am happy for you!  I would tell Michael's parents the same way you told us...candidly, that Jordan has been a wonderful friend to you but that friendship has "grown wings" (as my husband always put it) and that you will always continue to love and remember Michael and hope they will want you to continue in their lives, because your feelings for them have not changed.

The rest is up to them.  But embrace what IS and enjoy this second blessing!

My sister-in-law lost her fiance when she was in college (an accident) and she later met and married my brother-in-law.  They went on to have a good life together and a child.  She never forgot her first loved, that love never stops, she missed him, such is the way with grief, but she allowed herself to fully embrace life and it has been good.  She's in her 70s now, and I'd hate to think what it would have been like for her, for all of us, if she hadn't embraced that second chance at love and happiness.