Overwhelmed - Can't get out of bed yet Cant sleep.

[KeepFlyingHummingbird]

Sorry if this rambles! So this is my first time on this forum... I haven't been on any others either. Long story short (cause there is just so much) My mom passed away about a month ago in the ICU with me holding her hand. She went to the hospital (once I got there she wasn't even herself anymore) 24 hours after she arrived to the hospital she was on a ventilator (incubated) with organ failure, 24 hours later she passed. I haven't been able to sleep since, Im not a good sleeper anyways cause I'm very paranoid (husband could sleep through tornado coming through the house, older kids leave doors unlocked all the time, and we have two little ones in the house) so I don't sleep well as it is. But now I just can't for anything. I am completely drained from this whole thing (my sister and I did everything for her funeral/wake/lunch in/thank you's/everything) and so tired but when I need to be sleeping I can't and when I should be up (daytime) is when I want to sleep. When I do sleep it is as if I just blackout and wake up like nothing happened, I don't feel rested or refreshed, I wake up more tired then before. Also, at night when I can't fall asleep I just lay awake all night just running everything through my head and I feel as if I'm going crazy with emotions! Theres a TON of drama/questions with her death and my step father who through it all has been acting very weird!!! (Literally went to the bank the day after she died, only been a month and is selling their house and moving.....lots lots more strange stuff) So not only am I grieving over her death and how it happened, I'm also having to deal with the drama of my step dad moving (who my sister and I don't like anyways but just dealt with over years) and trying to get atleast some of our moms stuff. Anyways I'll stop rambling. I already am on a high dose of depressants (which as of now seem to do jack crap) and I want to find that magic pill to cure all. My lack of sleep is making my depression, emotions, irritableness, lack of motivation,and sanity even worse!!!

Have any of you dealt with this? What are you doing?

[reader]

Dear Friend,

My deepest condolences and sympathies on the passing of your beloved mom. I'm so sorry for your pain and sorrow. The grief we all feel takes a toll on our minds and bodies. Have you considered grief counselling? I have also tried joining a grief support group, reading books, articles and different websites. Others have also suggested journaling or taking an art or music class. Meditation or yoga possibly.

I know its very hard when you can't sleep. Is there another doctor that can help you? Review your meds? Maybe there is a different option there.

Thinking of you. Sending you all my thoughts and prayers.

[MissionBlue]

I'm so sorry for your loss. The death of a beloved parent is one of the hardest things to endure in life.  I sympathize about your sleep problems.  Some antidepressants may cause insomnia.  I also suffered insomnia before and after the passing of my father.  The way you described falling asleep reminds me of how I would fall asleep on Ambien.  I wouldn't even feel sleepy but then suddenly it was like someone switched off the lights.  Even with Ambien I wouldn't sleep more than four or five hours.   Then when Ambien stopped working for me, my doctor switched me to benzos which are even more addictive.  Sometimes they would make me feel hungover.   I gradually weaned myself off of sleeping pills.  Now two years later I fall asleep much easier, but I still feel tired a lot of the time.  I should exercise more, but it's been hard ever since I injured my knee.  “If exercise could be purchased in a pill, it would be the single most widely prescribed and beneficial medicine in the nation.” —Robert H. Butler 

As for the racing thoughts at night, sometimes just praying can help.  You can recite prayers you learned in childhood or simply ask God to bless your house and protect all your loved ones.  Pray for strength, guidance and for peaceful sleep.  Give thanks for having had a wonderful mother and ask God to grant her happiness and peace in heaven.

[Pinkiu]

I understand. I've been where you are before with a death and am finding myself there again after my mom's death three two weeks ago. I've found that I fear sleep because the dreams I have are about death, zombies, me being lost, etc. all are themes around my mom's death. I think it's normal to not want to get out of bed.

You are right. This whole process of having to make quick decisions, telling people about the death, meeting with hospice, meeting strangers who want one last visit, meeting the funeral director, more decisions, hours looking at thousands of photos. AND THEN the viewing and funeral. Hundreds of people, flowers to note who gave what, decisions about who will preach, give the eulogy, music, etc. what goes on the photo table, her life video, where to give memorials, who greets who, who sits in which car, who speaks at the grave side, and on and on. And then the luncheon. You have to talk to people again. You laugh at cousin Mark or Aunt Marilyn's witty remark and then feel guilty for laughing on this day. Then you have to clean things up when it's all over and make more decisions. Who will take which flowers, who will write thank yous to who.

The expectations don't end there. Afterwards you have to take care of death certificates, file forms, go to the bank, and so much more. I haven't had time to go through her things outside of boxing them up from her nursing care room and taking the, to dad's. 

Look at this long list of the required elements for a normal funeral, I know I missed other pieces. But we had to  make so many decisions quickly, spend money we don't have for someone we loved, and put together a "show" of this dear one of ours in just days. How can we adequately tell our family and friends how special they were? We want to scream , MY LOVED ONE DIED AND I DONT KNOW WHAT HaPPENS NEXT. My life is all jumbled too. Of course you are tired, and sad, and break down from random things and don't know why. Grieving is hard on the body and the body tells us that we will heal as we sleep,