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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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aas

my significant other is kind of a jerk without me there

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aas   

I don't know where else to post. I joined this looking for someone, quite simply, to ask how I am feeling. My stepfather died a few weeks ago, and I came from out of state to do my part since my siblings have all done theirs. 

Where to start....basically my father died, I came from out of state to care for my 75 yo mother until her brother and his wife can move in next door.

Main problem now I feel is that I'm rapidly discovering my boyfriend (significant long term) doesn't care about me particularly, but is quite bothered by the fact I'm not there to do the stuff he hates to do. 

My grief is now arriving, and he has yet to ask me how I feel. We speak every day on the phone, and every time I'm hoping he'll at least just parrot my courteous interest in him. But no, mostly he's concerned with when I'll be "done" and come back. 

I try to be a stand-up person. I care about people. I want to be cared about. I want my identity to be more than just a personal secretary, caregiver, doormat. I'm nearly 50 years old now, and I'm burned out and angry. Just the thought of leaving him, packing, moving, fending off homelessness fills me with more grief. 

I just wanted to put that down somewhere where someone might hear me. I don't really need a response. I just need to at least start the effort to stop the night terrors, lack of energy, my anger. I feel that putting it down in a safe place is the first step. 

I don't know what I'm doing. 

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Dear Friend,

I am very sorry to hear how you feel. I know its hard. You have been through so much. And you sound like a very loving and giving person.

Grief does take a toll. Have you considered counselling or joining a support group? It might be good to be around like minded people. I also like these websites AgingCare.com, What's Your Grief and the Grief Healing Blog.

Maybe your boyfriend doesn't know what to say or do. Sometimes people feel paralyzed themselves when faced with loss. I know it hurts but please know a lot of people do care.

You are not alone. And we'll be here to listen and support you in anyway we can. Take care.

 

 

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