Jump to content
Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
  • Announcements

    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
Sign in to follow this  

my significant other is kind of a jerk without me there

Recommended Posts

I don't know where else to post. I joined this looking for someone, quite simply, to ask how I am feeling. My stepfather died a few weeks ago, and I came from out of state to do my part since my siblings have all done theirs. 

Where to start....basically my father died, I came from out of state to care for my 75 yo mother until her brother and his wife can move in next door.

Main problem now I feel is that I'm rapidly discovering my boyfriend (significant long term) doesn't care about me particularly, but is quite bothered by the fact I'm not there to do the stuff he hates to do. 

My grief is now arriving, and he has yet to ask me how I feel. We speak every day on the phone, and every time I'm hoping he'll at least just parrot my courteous interest in him. But no, mostly he's concerned with when I'll be "done" and come back. 

I try to be a stand-up person. I care about people. I want to be cared about. I want my identity to be more than just a personal secretary, caregiver, doormat. I'm nearly 50 years old now, and I'm burned out and angry. Just the thought of leaving him, packing, moving, fending off homelessness fills me with more grief. 

I just wanted to put that down somewhere where someone might hear me. I don't really need a response. I just need to at least start the effort to stop the night terrors, lack of energy, my anger. I feel that putting it down in a safe place is the first step. 

I don't know what I'm doing. 

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear Friend,

I am very sorry to hear how you feel. I know its hard. You have been through so much. And you sound like a very loving and giving person.

Grief does take a toll. Have you considered counselling or joining a support group? It might be good to be around like minded people. I also like these websites AgingCare.com, What's Your Grief and the Grief Healing Blog.

Maybe your boyfriend doesn't know what to say or do. Sometimes people feel paralyzed themselves when faced with loss. I know it hurts but please know a lot of people do care.

You are not alone. And we'll be here to listen and support you in anyway we can. Take care.



Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

Sign in to follow this