3 month mark after moms death

[Sweetisabelle]

Tomorrow will be the 3 month mark of my moms unexpected death. And while I know I will survive, I feel as if the pain and sorrow will over take me. That I will continue to lose another part of me, that my soul will crumble a little more. As each day goes on I feel as if I am fading. I don't feel like myself anymore. All I want is my mom back. I didn't get to say goodbye, I didn't get to tell her I loved her, I didn't get to hold her hand. 

Since losing my mom I'm questioning everything. My faith, my beliefs, my purpose, the purpose of life it's self. I don't understand how or why my mom would have to go through so many battles throughout her life, yet she was continiously giving, loving and caring unconditionally. Why would she be taken, she was only 64. I'm only 24. I was finally getting to that stage in my life where I began to see how amazing my mother was. But I never got to tell her. She was my heart and my soul. She was (and still is) my everything. Everyday I wake up feeling completely broken. And every night I go to bed crying becaue I don't want to face the next day without her. 

I keep thinking that I've barely survived the last 3 months, I'm just scraping by. It is hard for me to take care of my basic needs, to shower, to eat (properly), if it wasn't for my dad I'm sure I wouldn't be eating much.... sometimes I cry over the fact that at times just trying to stay hydrated seems like an overwhelming task.  The outside world doesn't see it, because when I get out I look and act fine, the only ones who possibly see it is my dad and possibly brother. 

This week is going to be extremely difficult. Tomorrow is the 3 month mark, and then Sunday is Mother's Day. I don't know how to "make the best of it". I know I will cry, and I know I will feel indescribable pain. But part of my wants to honour my mom. I think I will have the strength to light a candle and talk to her. Maybe if it's a nice day I can sit in the backyard and have my morning coffee- she loves sitting out there. I just need to feel close to her. 

Does anyone else have any advice on ways to remember? Or even on how to cope? I'd also really appreciate hearing others expierences about how they felt at the early stages and what helped or didn't help. Does it get any "easier"? Will I ever feel like myself again- even if it's a different version of myself? How did you guys make it through some of the most difficult days? 

[reader]

Dear Sweetisabelle,

I'm so sorry for your pain and sorrow. I know its very hard. The first few months after such a devastating loss is unbearable.

Its been 6.5 months for me and I don't know. I just kept putting one foot in front of the other. I have also tried counselling, grief support groups, reading different books, articles and websites. Talk to friends. Being on this forum.

I am not the same person I was before my dad's passing. I can't be. Its very hard to believe he is gone. I do try to keep going day by day. And I am extremely grateful to the support I have received on this forum. It helps to know I'm not the only one that has these questions or feelings.

They say the intensity of our pain lessens over time. I can only hope so my friend. Till then be as kind and gentle with yourself as possible.

Sending you all my thoughts and prayers.

[Whit B]

Dear Sweetisabelle, 

It's been 5 months since I unexpectedly lost my mom. She was the most amazing woman I've known, my best friend. It's all still very shocking to me. And so intensely painful. I feel like I've lost a part of myself. The first few months I was both devastated and numb. Small things were overwhelming. Like Reader said, take it one day at a time, one moment at a time. Feel what you feel and lean into the grief. Keep doing the next right thing, no matter how small.  And hopefully some things will  eventually start to feel a bit easier.  

I too cannot stop thinking about how painful this first Mother's Day will be. The daily pain is hard enough. I'm creating memory boxes for my immediate family. I'm trying to refocus my energy into honoring my mom and being grateful for having been blessed with her.  It won't be the same. I know I'll cry a lot and it will hurt a lot because I just want her here. But nothing is the same. I'm not the same.  This is all hard for me to believe. 

Reader's words are true. We can only take this one day at a time. I attend a Grief Share grief group www.griefshare.org and it's helped me to have the support as I work through my emotions and the shock of it all. 

I'm sorry you're going through this and that we're all going through this.  Know that others can relate to how you feel and the pain you are experiencing. Someone dear to me said, my mom would want me to be ok. I keep thinking again and again, my mom would want me to be ok. I'm sure your mom would want you to be ok too. Keep taking it one day at a time and be kind to yourself. 

[Sweetisabelle]

On 2017-05-08 at 4:51 PM, reader said:

Dear Sweetisabelle,

I'm so sorry for your pain and sorrow. I know its very hard. The first few months after such a devastating loss is unbearable.

Its been 6.5 months for me and I don't know. I just kept putting one foot in front of the other. I have also tried counselling, grief support groups, reading different books, articles and websites. Talk to friends. Being on this forum.

I am not the same person I was before my dad's passing. I can't be. Its very hard to believe he is gone. I do try to keep going day by day. And I am extremely grateful to the support I have received on this forum. It helps to know I'm not the only one that has these questions or feelings.

They say the intensity of our pain lessens over time. I can only hope so my friend. Till then be as kind and gentle with yourself as possible.

Sending you all my thoughts and prayers.

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to this post. I'm so sorry that you know this crushing pain, and are expierencing it as well. 

It has been hard to accept that there seems to be no easier ansewer to make this pain more manageable. But then I remember that the pain we are feeling shows how much we love the family member who has passed. 

I like idea of support groups, and I'm starting to look into them. The few times I have posted on this site I have felt a little less alone, and that has helped. Even reading others posts, and seeing I'm not alone.... even though it doesn't stop the pain, it helps to feel less iscolated. 

Thank you for the reminder to be kind and gentle with myself. I needed to hear that. It is so easy to think of one moment, and forget the next. So I thank you very much for this reminder. (And just in case you're in a similar boat, or having a rough day, id like to say i hope you are able to offer that kindness to yourself too  )

Sending you many thanks, and encouragement. You are right on about one day at a time

On 2017-05-09 at 9:28 AM, Whit B said:

Dear Sweetisabelle, 

It's been 5 months since I unexpectedly lost my mom. She was the most amazing woman I've known, my best friend. It's all still very shocking to me. And so intensely painful. I feel like I've lost a part of myself. The first few months I was both devastated and numb. Small things were overwhelming. Like Reader said, take it one day at a time, one moment at a time. Feel what you feel and lean into the grief. Keep doing the next right thing, no matter how small.  And hopefully some things will  eventually start to feel a bit easier.  

I too cannot stop thinking about how painful this first Mother's Day will be. The daily pain is hard enough. I'm creating memory boxes for my immediate family. I'm trying to refocus my energy into honoring my mom and being grateful for having been blessed with her.  It won't be the same. I know I'll cry a lot and it will hurt a lot because I just want her here. But nothing is the same. I'm not the same.  This is all hard for me to believe. 

Reader's words are true. We can only take this one day at a time. I attend a Grief Share grief group www.griefshare.org and it's helped me to have the support as I work through my emotions and the shock of it all. 

I'm sorry you're going through this and that we're all going through this.  Know that others can relate to how you feel and the pain you are experiencing. Someone dear to me said, my mom would want me to be ok. I keep thinking again and again, my mom would want me to be ok. I'm sure your mom would want you to be ok too. Keep taking it one day at a time and be kind to yourself. 

Hi whit b,

Thank you too for taking the time to respond to this post. It has been really helpful for me to be able to write my thoughts down here, but also to hear from others. To see I'm not alone, to hear that others have and are also expierencing such great losses. And that what I'm expierencing is "normal" in a sense. I feel much less iscolated when I hear that others can relate.

I'm so sorry that you are expierencing such a magnitude of pain as well. Mothers day really is going to be different, and painful. I think what you are doing with the memory boxes is a brilliant idea. That is so caring of you, and that is an amazing way to honour your mom. I love what you said about trying to focus your energy into  remembering or acknowledging how very grateful you are to have had your mom be apart of your life. It is so easy to wish for more time (and rightly so), I say that all the time. But I like taking moments to acknowledge how truest blessed and grateful I am to have had such an amazing mom. I think on Mother's Day, or even in the days leading up, maybe I'll write a letter or journal enters about this

Thank you for helping me feel heard, understood, and so much less alone. You've mentioned many things that I think will be helpful, and even the acknowledgement from both you and @reader - the acknowledgment of the immense pain, and how great of a loss we have all expierenced.... all of what you have both said is very much appreciated. 

Sending all my thanks