Recent loss of my older sister

[alan1980]

I am a 36 years old man and I recently lost my older sister. She was 49 and in seemingly good health. My mother had been trying to contact her all morning and a good part of the afternoon. Finally she decides that we need to go check on her. So we go to her house. She gets out and knocks on the door and rings the doorbell. She comes back to the car and tells me to go inside and check on her and her dogs. As soon as I get close to the carport a feeling came over me that I do NOT want to go inside. I beg her to not make me go inside but she insists. I finally open the door and immediately see something isn't right because the kitchen was a mess. I enter the living room and see my sister on the sofa with her legs on the ottoman. Her eyes are open and her arms are up on her chest. I call her name. No response. I call her name again. Still no response. I walk up to her and tap on her arm to get her attention. And her arm was hard. I knew she was gone and I panicked and ran out side to my mom. She ran inside and confirmed what I feared. My sister was dead. I don't know what I'm going to do without her. It's been a little over a week and it isn't getting any easier. I close my eyes and I relive the moment I found her. Yes we were 13 years apart in age. And yes we had our bad arguments. But I loved her. She was my big sister. I feel like a part of my soul is missing. I try to go and have fun. But I can't. Nothing makes me happy anymore. My mom keeps telling me that I still have a sister. That she's just in heaven now. I don't care. I don't want a sister in heaven. I want her here on earth with me. This all feels like a bad dream that I cannot wake up from. I just want to feel happy again and for this feeling to go away. We still don't have the autopsy results yet so we don't know what killed her.  The paramedics said she most likely died around 8pm the night before. 

[reader]

Dear Alan,

My deepest sympathies and condolences. I am very sorry for your loss. Its a terrible shock to lose your sister. Please know you are not alone. We are all here to listen and support you in anyway we can. I know how badly you want your sister back. Its only natural and normal to feel this way. Grief is horrific.

When you are ready maybe consider talking to a grief counsellor or joining a support group. It will take a long time for our minds to process what has happened. We are hit with so many raw emotions. We tend to feel like nothing will ever be right again. When dealing with shock and trauma, all we can do is try and live day by day. I hope you can also continue to surround yourself with loving friends and family members.

Thinking of you and your family during this difficult time. Sending you all my thoughts and prayers.

[SJhhh]

Dear Alan... I am so sorry for your loss. I'm 38 and my big sister died suddenly in February so I know a little of how you must be feeling; I wanted to just die myself. I'm still very much struggling with my sister's death and I've found that there aren't many people who can even begin to understand the depth of our feelings of loss... I can't say that things will get easier, for me they haven't but please be kind to yourself, do whatever you need to do: get angry, cry, scream, stay in bed, eat loads or nothing at all, look at photos or put them away for now... whatever it takes to get you through the day. 

[Coffeemouse]

I am so sorry for everyone on here who has lost a sibling, parent(s), sister specifically, pet(s), other family member(s), friend(s) or anyone! I have lost all of the above, but most recently, my oldest sister. After our parents both died, she was the glue who held our family together. She developed two different cancers, though, plus chemotherapy messed up her brain. She died less than a year after her original diagnosis of cancer.  Her 4 remaining siblings, 4 kids, 19 grandkids, family & many friends all miss her very dearly. Oh, & her 4 wonderful kitties, plus the many birds & bunnies she kindly fed miss her terribly, too. My heart hurts, and I got on here because I am a mess. I want to get well, & I need help! God has helped me so much, & I think He led me online until I can face leaving the house for grief support. I will pray for all of you to find comfort & heal, also. Thank you for listening & also sharing your stories. You are not alone in your grief, & neither am I. May God bless you!