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Unable to grieve


Caz48

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My son Luke died on the 22 December 2016 he had a stroke he spent a week in intensive care and passed away 

throughout his time in the hospital he was in a coma so I never got to see him with his eyes open or hear him speak to me one last time I did not cry whilst he was in hospital and haven't cried since he passed away either I just don't feel anything sad/angry or emotional and I'm really worried has anybody else felt like this

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My girl is in heaven

Caz48.  That is exactly what happened to me. I found my daughter deceased and did not get to speak to her one last time.  The whole time the police and ambulance were at the house, when I got to see her in the hospital, funeral home even the cemetary, i did not shed one tear.  This went one for at least a few months but I can't remember for sure.  My head knew she was gone but my heart just couldn't accept it.  They told me I was just in shock. Your bodys way  of protecting you until your heart could catch up with your head.  I felt like such a bad parent, but eventually reality will catch up and the tears will flow.  

  Please come and join us on loss of an adult child.  That is where everyone posts and there are lots of wonderful parents there to support you.  We all help each other.  

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Tommy's mum

Cas48 grieving is different for everyone. The shock and disbelief can immobilise your emotions because it is so painful to accept the reality so you are in no way abnormal. i don't know how old your Luke was or if he had health issues previously but it seems like it was very sudden. Sudden deaths are much harder to process and maybe you just could not process anything while he was in ITU. Most of us did not have time with our children before they died so I know how that feels. My son lived in Hawaii and we had not seen him for 4 years because of the cost of flights. Have you had the opportunity to talk about his death with a health professional at all? Sometimes it takes a long time for grief to set in because your mind is in self protect mode. Having a counsellor or therapist can help you to understand your current feelings and begin to process your son's death. They may suggest waiting a while longer until they feel you are ready to be able to take part because it is a difficult and painful process and you need to be able to participate fully without shutting down and blocking off. As louann suggested the thread loss of an Adult child is the most active with many different members who would be willing to engage with you and offer support and understanding. Please join us there ok?

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Thank you for your kind words I will go into the loss of an adult child

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