Jump to content
Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
  • Announcements

    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
Wildeyes

Lost my sister to suicide

Recommended Posts

Wildeyes   

On Jan 29, my sister committed suicide. She was 48. Nothing has gone right since. My Mom told me what the coroner's report said about the specifics of how she died, and my overactive mind made a mental picture I didn't want of what it might have looked like. (She jumped off the bridge at a large river crossing) I never had the kind of relationship I wanted with her. She was 12 years older than I am, and for much of our lives we were in different stages and just never seemed to connect, even though we both wanted to. Just couldn't figure out how. I'm angry with her, I miss her so much, I think of her all the time. Everywhere I go I see something that reminds me of her. O keep shoving the pain and the tears away because I feel like I have to be strong for my kids and mom (mom lives with me) but I also just simply don't know how to process this. I'm angry she left not only me, but what it's done to my mom and to her kids. She left behind a two week old granddaughter. My neice has to raise her without the support I know she needs. And her youngest daughter is a mess now. She was a handful to begin with and she needs her mother, and I'm angry with her for depriving her of that. But mostly I just miss her. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
reader   

Dear Wildeyes,

I'm so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your family during this very difficult time. Sending you all my thoughts and prayers.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Dhales78   

She must have been in a lot of pain to leave you all like that especially her grandbaby. We all have regreats whenever someone passes, it's never enough time. It's hard with suicide because we who are left behind feel like they had a choice. I have 2 brothers that died of suicide 16 years a part. I read somewhere that they died from suicide but bipolar is what killed them. The pain was too much, the thought of life was more fearful to your sister than the thought of life. She was trapped in a place where all she could see was pain not you your mom her kids, just pain and death was the only way out. You have every right to be mad at her. And you have every right to grieve. Stop trying to be strong for your mom or your kids and teach them how to grieve teach them it's ok to be sad and mad and cry. Teach them it's not healthy to stuff your feelings down. Grieve as a family and let this make you stronger together. Believe me, I stuffed my feelings down, and was strong 16 years ago, and about a year later I had a break down because I never delt with it. Go see a counselor you can talk to about all this. You have some steps of grief to work through and to lead your family  though. You will have to work towards forgiveness of yourself and your sister. 

Answer me this one question, what happens if your not strong or if you cry and show emotions? Does the world stop spinnig? Your kids will see you are human and it's ok to grieve. It's ok for you to lean on your family for support too you know. It might be the best thing you can do in this situation. 

Things get better. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am so sorry for both of you! May God bless you and your families and comfort you!  I just lost my sister, but to cancer. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear Wildeyes- As you grieve you will experience a wide range of emotions, allow yourself to grieve.  No doubt the rest of your family is grieving as well talking through your grief can help.  You can take a measure of comfort with recalling some happy memories when you are ready. I personally take comfort in prayer especially when I feel like I can't talk to anyone else about my pain.  Take one day at a time, experience your grief as it comes, continue to post. You are not alone in your grief.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now


×