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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
crownholder2

Lost my husband of 41 years.

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Francine   

KMB

Amazing how God shows us his mercy; just the other day, I posted how low I was feeling and your post uplifted me and gave me peace - you were the rainbow in my cloud; I only hope I can reciprocate.    I'm sorry you're having a rough day and pray it won't last long.  The weather here is sunny and bright - in the upper 70's, but can't bring myself to venture outdoors and do something in the yard because Charles and I always did those things together.  I feel so strange and lonely doing it alone. 

I feel you - often times I think I'm doing *OK* and then, BAM, I feel like I've just been clobbered with something and I loose all sense of reality.  Loneliness is just a sad affair and I can't hardly wait to be with Charles again and I can only imagine you feel the same about Ed.  We WILL be with them again and this loneliness will be a thing of the past.  We have to fight through these bad days - and fight we will.  We will weather this storm and the storms that will undoubtedly come.  The way I see it is our rainbow is right around the corner; we've gotta put up with a little rain.  We've been through hell and back, a little rain won't melt us - it makes us stronger.  You know I'm sending prayers you way.   Stay strong, you are not only a rock for me, but for so many others on this forum. 

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Hi everyone.That is how I will have to say hi til I learn all your names.I am a fast learner but I don't seem to have the same mind I used to. I'm glad I get e-mails from here cause I will usually answer.

I didn't get a reply on the part of my post about losing my 23 yr old son.It was 18 yrs ago. He shot himself in the head. He didn't reach out for me and we were so close! My son Steven still calls me momma and I believe he has risen up and called me blessed. He is the best son. He is an alcoholic but being born again 2 or 3 yrs ago,he has hated it with a fierceness. But he isn't in his Word or at AA meetings cause he feels hopeless.I let him know,whenever the Lord quickens me how Jesus is stronger than anything but he doesn't see that represented in my life.I KNOW God accepts me just as I am and knew when He saved me how long it would take me to be changed into the likeness of His Blessed Son. He knew Jason would kill himself at 23 and He saved him at 10 or 11.Steven went up front in church but mama knew he didn't get re-born.I saw God working in Jaces' life, not many, he was very young but I saw when the Lord was working on him. I kept quiet, after all I had just given him to my God to do as He thought best. I also saw the devil work on him and I did enlighten him on what was going on then. I didn't go to church(besetting sin) but I lived Christ in every  way I could and they both saw God at work on an imperfect person and still He gave me assurance and wisdom on how I raised my boys. I only had the 2.

Why has nobody said what a horrible person I am for feeling more hopeless than when Jason died? I can remember it like yesterday but the pain of losing Larry is worse. I can't share any of this with my in-laws or my son. He lost his brother and ,now his father.I lost my heart.I never felt special to anyone,even my kids,even God,only Larry made me feel unconditionally loved.My son Steven is moving on,I think,tho I don't think he sees it yet. Tho my son killed himself I still know I am a good mother. With Larry, I feel like I let him down so many times and was mean to him so many times when it was uncalled for.I know the devil is attacking me right now and he tells me I can't pray cause "Your sin separates you from your God". If any of you are right with God,please pray for me.I am born again but have never learned to appropriate the Power of the Holy Spirit.I am so willful.I have to do things my way and we ALL know that doesn't work.I am now going to play my games so I can block out everything but the music ,or preaching(Bott Radio network)but I have a dread of what you will all think of me when you read this.I don't pull my punches when it comes to me so I hope none of you will either.I am not seeking sympathy but honest opinions.I will keep an eye on my e-mails,Love Ruthanne

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Francine   
12 hours ago, crownholder2 said:

I didn't get a reply on the part of my post about losing my 23 yr old son.It was 18 yrs ago. He shot himself in the head. He didn't reach out for me and we were so close! My son Steven still calls me momma and I believe he has risen up and called me blessed. He is the best son. He is an alcoholic but being born again 2 or 3 yrs ago,he has hated it with a fierceness. But he isn't in his Word or at AA meetings cause he feels hopeless.I let him know,whenever the Lord quickens me how Jesus is stronger than anything but he doesn't see that represented in my life

I am so sorry for the losses in your life; first your son, then your Larry. It must be devastating as well as heartbreaking.  With all the tragedies you have experienced, I want to commend you for keeping your faith in God and know where your blessings come from.  It is unfortunate your son sought to take his own life and unable to reach out to you or someone else he felt comfortable with.

You are not a horrible person for feeling hopelessness.  You're a mother and wants the best for her only son.  Being a mother is learning about strength you thought you never had and dealing with fears you thought never existed. As a mother, our jobs are to take care of the possible and trust God with the impossible.  I'm a mother of two adult children and without them tomorrow wouldn't be worth the wait and yesterday wouldn't be worth remembering.  I personally can't think of either one of them as being my *best* child.  They're both my children with different needs and wants, and our jobs as mothers are to bring out their best qualities no matter what.   Mothers get emotional, only natural - after all, we're the rock of our families; we get tired, but keep going; we worry, but are full of hope; we're impatient, yet patient; we may get overwhelmed, but never quit; we are amazed at things, even when we doubt; we find something wonderful in things, even in all the chaos.

Continue to be that light for your son Steven and hopefully with love and prayer, he will be OK.  Nothing can nor will dim the light that shines from within.  Live in such a way that those who don't know God will come to know HIM because they know you. 

12 hours ago, crownholder2 said:

 With Larry, I feel like I let him down so many times and was mean to him so many times when it was uncalled for.I know the devil is attacking me right now and he tells me I can't pray cause "Your sin separates you from your God". If any of you are right with God,please pray for me.I am born again but have never learned to appropriate the Power of the Holy Spirit.I am so willful.I have to do things my way and we ALL know that doesn't work.I

It's hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember, but you have the memories that will always be with you.  Cherish them and be thankful for them.  The devil is a liar. He doesn't come dressed in a red cape and pointy horns; he sometimes comes in the form of everything we think we want and wish for.  He will say and do anything to keep you from the father.  Don't ever think simply because you've made it thus far, the devil will disappear; remember new levels bring new devils.  Continue to pray for God's words are true.  In James 4:7, it states: "Submit yourselves therefore to God.  Resist and devil, and he will flee from you". 

Know that God will never leave you empty; HE will replace everything you lost; if HE ask you to put something down, it's because HE wants you to pick up something greater. You are truly blessed.  Stay Strong
 

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KayC   
20 hours ago, Eagle-96 said:

Sometimes I am with family or friends and they are doing their best to cheer me up and I simply want to be left alone. I just don't want to talk about Lori or what I am feeling. Other times I can't wait to be asked about my grief. It can change from day to day and sometimes minute to minute. There does not seem to be a definable pattern for me.

Eagle put it well here...how our grief displays and what we need can change from one day to the next or even one minute to the next.  Ruthanne, You shouldn't have to define or explain to others what you're feeling, it's enough just to live through it and survive it.  They wouldn't get it even if you had the perfect words to explain it to them because they can't comprehend what they haven't experienced.

 

19 hours ago, Francine said:

But time changes nothing - death changes everything.

That is so true!  Our lives changed in an instant, and time alone does nothing to heal.  It takes great effort on our part to adjust to and figure out how to continue...

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HHFaith   

Ruthanne,

There is a woman in my grief group that lost her teenage son several years ago. She recently lost her husband. She said it was worse losing her husband than losing her son. When she first said that I didn't understand. I thought, for me, the only thing that could possibly be any worse than losing Pat would be if anything ever happened to my daughter. 

She went on to explain that as horrific as it was to lose her son, she had her husband to help her get through it. Now with the loss of her husband she feels more alone since he's not here to help her. That I can understand. The person we are closest to and rely on is no longer here.

Stay strong. You are not alone. 

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hello Francine and Kayc.I read your replies.Sorry I went off like that.I sit alone or sleep all day everyday except stress week.I listen to preachers and K-love or Pandora.I truly believe" Garbage in-garbage out". So I don't watch alot of TV.I got an adult coloring book but even a coloring book is too hard for me now,lol. In truth,the pictures are all intricate designs,meant to take time and special attention to detail.I do love color.

I also loved both my boys the same. With all my heart but different cause they were people.Individuals.I could never have chosen between them and never did "favor"either of them.
I spent another 95 pictures with Lar again last night.They are transferred to my comp.so I have a slide show.They comfort me so much as they are all of family gatherings and happy times.They in turn,bring more happy memories.Of Jason as well as Larry.Though Jace isn't in any of them.In 18 yrs I have not been to my picture drawer.So dumb!I am sure there are tons of memories in there to make me happy but I can't do it yet.I have many memories anyway.

Thank you for your kind replies.Someone replied while I was typing and it asked if I wanted it to show.I thought it would show when I got done but don't know if it will.It was an accident.I never would NOT want to read a reply.Bye for now,Love Ruthanne

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KayC   
12 minutes ago, HHFaith said:

She went on to explain that as horrific as it was to lose her son, she had her husband to help her get through it. Now with the loss of her husband she feels more alone since he's not here to help her. That I can understand. The person we are closest to and rely on is no longer here.

That is true.  Grief is not only losing the person, but all of the secondary losses that come with it.  Our spouse was our go to person, they were in our daily lives, they are the one we count on, our other half, so it does differ from other losses.  That is why sometimes people are hit harder losing their dog than their parent...their dog is in their everyday life, and they've learned to count on them to help their perspective and de-stress them.  But a spouse, gosh there is no way to describe how many ways it affects us!  Of course, loss will be different for everyone, according to the relationship they had with the one they lost.

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KMB   

Francine,

18 hours ago, Francine said:

but can't bring myself to venture outdoors and do something in the yard because Charles and I always did those things together.  I feel so strange and lonely doing it alone. 

I have the biggest issues with this as well. Ed and I worked together. If I was mowing the immediate yard, he would be on the tractor with the deck attachment mowing all the big areas around the buildings. When I finished the yard, I would help him finish up. We would be practically side by side with our mowing. Sometimes we would catch the other's eye and smile at each other. I have to do these things alone and it hurts SO much.

18 hours ago, Francine said:

Loneliness is just a sad affair and I can't hardly wait to be with Charles again and I can only imagine you feel the same about Ed.  We WILL be with them again and this loneliness will be a thing of the past.

Wish there was a way to fast forward this life. I know that sounds negative , but at my age, I could go for another 20 or 30 years. I absolutely cannot fathom at being here for as long as the 25 years Ed and I had. Does that mean that the best chapter of my life is going to be negated by the next chapter? What if I get dementia / Alzheimers and forget Ed? I know that I shouldn't be thinking these things and just living in the moment, the present day. Just can't help where the mind goes.

Sorry that I don't sound so uplifting right now. I wish I could be. The emotional roller coaster has been going mostly downhill since the previous weekend. Right now, for me, I wish I could eliminate Friday through Saturday off the calendar of marking time.

Sending prayers to you and all of us here. Praying is our salvation with this trying time.   (HUGS)

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Francine   
7 minutes ago, KMB said:

Wish there was a way to fast forward this life. I know that sounds negative , but at my age, I could go for another 20 or 30 years. I absolutely cannot fathom at being here for as long as the 25 years Ed and I had. Does that mean that the best chapter of my life is going to be negated by the next chapter? What if I get dementia / Alzheimers and forget Ed? I know that I shouldn't be thinking these things and just living in the moment, the present day. Just can't help where the mind goes.

Sorry that I don't sound so uplifting right now. I wish I could be. The emotional roller coaster has been going mostly downhill since the previous weekend. Right now, for me, I wish I could eliminate Friday through Saturday off the calendar of marking time.

I know the feeling.  My mom, bless her soul, lived well into her 80's and if I'm to follow in her footsteps, it will be another 20 years (at least) that I'll have to be here on this earth.   There is an old saying that says, "When my mind plays tricks on me I can deal; but when my mind plays tricks on my mind, then I cannot tell what is real".  

I too think about my future, without my Charles, my rock, my protector, and it frightens me.  He was the one who calmed me down when my mind started racing about anything and everything.  Several times I can remember experiencing panic attacks or would wake up in the middle of the night gasping for breath - and he was the one who knew exactly what to say to calm me down - and he did.  I felt so safe around him.   I don't feel that way any longer.  I would like to feel safe in my own skin; I want to be *OK* again; I want to feel deep in my own world; but I'm so very lonely, I don't even want to be with myself anymore.  :(  I feel myself changing, I don't laugh the same anymore, I don't smile the same or talk the same; I'm just tired of everybody and everything.  I think that makes two of us - not uplifting at all. 

Along with eliminating Friday through Saturday, I'd like to eliminate the *warm* weather that will surely come.  Unfortunately, I can't change the weather no matter how hard I try, so I guess it's best for me to learn how to sail in all conditions.

Stay Strong and be blessed and know you stay in my prayers.

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KMB   

Francine,  I meant to say *eliminating Friday through Sunday*. Most people live for the weekends, I use to be one of them. Not anymore. Shorten up that week and make this life fly by, for myself at least. It is said that our parent"s genetics determine our own longevity. My father passed at the young age of 34 due to multiple strokes. My mother is almost 79 and going strong. If I took the middle of those 2 ages, I shouldn't be here right now either. I would have gone last year with my husband. Since I look more like my mother than my father, her genetics is probably more dominant. I'll probably get another 20 years here. Don't even want to delve too deeply into that.

Stay strong yourself and God bless us all!

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KMB   

crownholder2,  Ruthanne---I am sorry for both of your losses. I've had losses before my husband, but he was here to support me. I have no one now and have to take care of myself. Maybe that is why I am alone now. Maybe God wants me to learn to stand on my own. It is scary and challenging at the same time. I hope I pass God's test and be rewarded with the reunion with my husband.

None of us will think badly of you for what you post. That is what this forum is for, expressing whatever our minds are experiencing. You are not alone! God is always with us and on our side. We may stumble in our faith, but God never does in His for us.  (HUGS)

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Andy   

Crownholder2,

You asked why no one directly responded to your divulgence of your feelings concerning your son. For myself, I see that as a subject of a deeply personal and sensitive nature, and if you were expecting a rebuking of this feeling, you won't get that here. We don't judge, who are we to judge? The fellow broken hearted who know all too well the miserable concoction of emotion and pain? Certainly not. Your feelings are your feelings, just as many cannot fathom my loss, I cannot pretend to understand the loss of a child. 

You wonder at your relationship with God, the failure to truly "find" His grace or understand his will. We all do, at one time or another. God, by His very nature, is infinitely complex. It stands to reason that our relationships, our understanding, with God, of God, will be equally complex and more often than not, indecipherable. I don't think (all my opinion of course) that to gain the grace of the Devine, the favor of God, we need fill out a check list of do's and don'ts. God knows our suffering, feels it, understands it, knows our limits of spirit and flesh. I think truth lies within absolute love, true, honest, unconditional love that is pure of intent and without demands. God loves, and we love, as tribute and testament to life giving love and faith. You love your husband, that is evident, the sorrow you feel, the weight of regret and guilt, also evident, and God knows this. He knows we simply are not capable of throwing off worldly concerns to fall to our knees and only think of heavenly matters. We are human. Human in our frailty, faults, blindness, our cruel capacity, jealousies and cunning, we are flawed. But you strive, yes? You get up, you remember who you are, the worth you have beyond what others tell you it is, the woman your husband choose to love, the mistakes you make, the poor decisions and the brilliant choices and wisdom gained. We strive, struggle, push on, fall, reach out for that hand, the hand that is unseen or seen, and we get up. You will do these things, as we all must. Love is the reason we grieve, it is why we mourn our losses, it's why tomorrow has a promise, because of love. Love of God, self, family, friends, sky, sea and wind, we love because it's who we are and what we need sow. Anything else is just, pointless. I miss my dear wife everyday. That particular pain still clings to me like some wretched disease, hurting, makes me falter. But I remember why I hurt, because I loved, love, and will always love her. If I'm willing to accept that paradigm, the risk of such exquisite love demanding a price of sorrow unending, then I willingly accept that risk. I cry. I weep. My moods are often black. My patience and temper thin. Perhaps, though, I will find my smile again, the real one. Along side my happiness, it waits for me, I just have to keep looking. 

Crownholder2, keep looking. This pain isn't going to go away, the loss will be a part of you, forever, and it's okay. When your faith grows weak or shaken, that's okay to, God never loses faith in us. His strength is far, far more capable than ours, lean on him, let him carry you. No perfection, it isn't expected. Just live. Breathe, find a light, some point to focus on, even if it's just a date on a calendar, or a walk in the woods. Just live. And love. 

My thoughful meanderings run away with me, I apologize. So much pain, so much sorrow, I wish I could eliminate it all. Please, be safe, peace and love,

Andy 

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KMB   

Andy, Beautiful, inspiring, profound words. God is blessing you in giving those words to us! 

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KayC   

Crownholder,

Andy's response is thoughtful, I hope you find comfort therein.  You have no need of apology, not here.  It's good to express yourself, and this is the safe place to do that.  We're all finding our way together.

KMB,

My mom died at 92, most in the family live into their 90s.  I'm 64, that gives me, what, another 28 years?  I hope not.  It causes a panicky feeling to think about, wondering how I'll do it alone so long.  I bring myself back to living just THIS DAY, and feel my panic settling down.  This day, this day I can make it...then I'll get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  Maybe that makes me simple, but I have to keep it simple, I can't handle thinking about the whole "rest of my life".  It's too much.

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KMB   

KayC, Like you, I prefer to keep it simple. A day at a time. It took me over 6 months to get myself through the constant anxiety attacks. I do not wish for any more of those. I also do not hope for another 20+ years, but that will be God's decision. Some people will look down on us for feeling that way, but they are not in our shoes. They do not know what it is like doing everything by yourself, especially as you get into your senior years. One day at a time and go with the flow. Life will go the way it is meant to.   (HUGS)

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Francine   

Andy,

As I have mentioned before and will reiterate again - you have a wonderful gift for words that I've not seen in quite sometime.  I look forward to reading your post and the compassion you put in them.  They are so uplifting and personal, not only to me, but to all those on this forum.  Knowing the right words to say is priceless and I've been searching for those words, but the truth is, you leave me completely speechless.  God bless you, not only for your words, but for being you.  I'm sending prayers always your way.

On 5/20/2017 at 11:20 AM, KMB said:

They do not know what it is like doing everything by yourself, especially as you get into your senior years. One day at a time and go with the flow. Life will go the way it is meant to

Amen to that!  And sometimes life has a funny way of working out just when you start to believe it never will.  Stay Strong and be blessed.

 

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KayC   

I could not agree more with Francine, I feel the same way about Andy's presence here.  But I feel that way about you, too, Francine!

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KMB   

I feel that each of us in our own way are contributing and giving to our grief family here. We seek solace, understanding, rant and cry. We give back in return for which we have received. We need each other.

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KayC   

KMB, I agree, we need each other, and many are the time I've seen you offering just the right words to someone, even in the midst of your own grief.  We can give comfort and encouragement because we've been there.

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Francine   
On 5/23/2017 at 8:34 AM, KayC said:

I could not agree more with Francine, I feel the same way about Andy's presence here.  But I feel that way about you, too, Francine!

 

On 5/23/2017 at 10:47 AM, KMB said:

I feel that each of us in our own way are contributing and giving to our grief family here. We seek solace, understanding, rant and cry. We give back in return for which we have received. We need each other.

Ladies, I couldn't say more - once again you're both spot on and so comforting to all of us here.  You can't begin to know how much the both of you are appreciated. I've said it before, and I'll say it again - There are angels in disguised on this forum and I have direct contact with them - Their names are KayC and KMB.  :D

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Hi I am going to try to post.My keyboard is not behaving.Actually it is working fine here. I tried to post on my message board,my Christian family,and I couldn't.My keyboard wouldn't take a lot of letters.Since Larry died,I have gone to my board so many times and the Father would just blank out my mind.I knew He didn't want me to post there but I didn't and don't know why.Today kind of proves it to me.My keyboard is working great here,I was just going to tell them that I was reading but unable to think of anything to say.It took a lot of work but I got that much out.

I have the feeling(tho I know feelings aren't truth) that the Lord is keeping me to Himself.Trying to get something through my thick skull.Lately my self-esteem seems to have bottomed out.I am the worst negative Nancy.I don't speak to people,I have one friend I call,and she lost her husband 1-5-17.I have no words of comfort.I thought God had given me the gift of empathy,throughout all my saved life,but I don't have any now.I am unable to help myself,let alone anyone else.And writing this makes me feel like I am drowning in self pity.Welcome to my pity party.I have suffered depression since I was eight.Suicidal depression.It is back.I want to die.I have been given back my life after the heart surgery but I don't want it.I am blessed to be financially able to survive,tho only that.But I always lived that way.Many people have way less to live on than I do.People are very nice to me,always.I feel that is a grace from the Lord.

Everyone keeps telling me I have my son and 3 grandsons to live for.That is not enough to fight the suicide feelings dominating my thoughts.I can't imagine living without Larry for one year, let alone the rest of my life.I feel so good for nothing,why am I here.It's been 8 months and nothing has gotten better.I don't talk to but one person.My son comes over to bring my meds every morning,but I am asleep.He also comes for an hour or 2 on Sat morning.I can't tell anyone any of this.I feel deserted but I am the one isolating!!!Larry understood me,we were together at 16 and 17.I was a broken child and he fell for me.And stayed around to get me better and he went through so many suicide attempts and hospitalizations and was always there for me.God has saved my life so many times,I really should be dead.Drs. can't understand why I am not.Me either.If I can make it til Friday,I have a drs. appt. and plan to ask for referral to mental health place. Obviously,my depression cocktail is not working anymore and must be adjusted.Why did God let me post here,where everyone is raw and hurting?Why am I even telling all this?I don't know.Love Ruthanne 

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Meesh   

Ruthanne, (what a lovely name) , it helps to get out our frustrations with words, say what you feel we all understand, please get help for your suicidal thoughts, you DO have to live for your son and grandsons, they NEED you, i am so sorry for the loss of your husband and your son, life as been doubly cruel to you, and nothing anybody says can take away your pain, i am a lost soul now i take a day at a time and cant make any sense of why this as happened to me and i'm sure you feel the same about both  your losses, theres got to be some hope in our lives and some joy though, i do not believe in god anymore but the universe owes us some peace, love and peace to you sweet lady take care x

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Francine   

Ruthanne,

I am so sorry for you and the feelings you are experiencing now.  God has something specially in stored for you at the right time and right place.  Yes, sometimes our skulls are thick because we have so much on our brains.  Nobody knows the real you; nobody know how many times you've cried when no one was watching; nobody knows how many times you lost hope; nobody knows how many times you've felt like you are about to snap but don't because of the sake of others; nobody knows how many times you experienced suicidal depression and have been on the brink of ending it all; nobody knows the thoughts that go through your head when you're sad, how horrible they truly are. Nobody except GOD.  Sometimes the walls we build around us to keep the sadness out also keeps out our joy.   The reality, If it has not already done so, will penetrate through our thick skulls that this life - this moment - is no dress rehearsal.  This is the real deal.   It hurts to let go, to say goodbye for the final time and remain distant in your closure, it may even tear your heart out to the point of insanity; but somehow in it all, you will find the pieces of YOUR worth and you will start creating yourself again.  In that journey of transformation, you will find the essence of what truly matters - happiness and inner peace.  In this life, we all fall at some stage, but it is up to us to decide how long you want to stay there.

I'm truly concerned about you and would strongly suggest you seek some medical intervention.  You may not see it, but your life is so, so precious.   It is the greatest gift from God, an unlimited series of opportunities to find the good in yourself and others. Our lives are on loan, like money borrowed from a bank. God is the lender and HE retains the right to call in the loan at anytime HE sees fit.  We are responsible for taking care of our loans, but will never pay them off - not on this earth.   There is good in everything; if we are willing to see it. 

1 hour ago, crownholder2 said:

I am unable to help myself,let alone anyone else.And writing this makes me feel like I am drowning in self pity.  .Suicidal depression.It is back.I want to die.I have been given back my life after the heart surgery but I don't want it.I .I feel that is a grace from the Lord.

I can't imagine living without Larry for one year, let alone the rest of my life.I feel so good for nothing,why am I here. It's been 8 months and nothing has gotten better.I don't talk to but one person.My son comes over to bring my meds every morning,but I am asleep.He also comes for an hour or 2 on Sat morning.  I feel deserted but I am the one isolating!!!Larry understood me, God has saved my life so many times,I really should be dead.  Drs. can't understand why I am not. Me either. If I can make it til Friday,I have a drs. appt. and plan to ask for referral to mental health place.  Why did God let me post here,where everyone is raw and hurting?Why am I even telling all this?I don't know

You've indicated yourself how God has saved you and how the doctors thought you shouldn't even be here - guess what?  That  doesn't surprise me.  God saved you for a reason; you still have a purpose, a function - if you didn't, you wouldn't be here.  Larry fulfilled his purpose on this earth and God called him home.  Please know this to be true.  When your task on this earth is completed, know that God will take you home - home to be with Larry, forever.  You must go on until then; Larry would have wanted you to.  All of us here on this forum want you to - we know you can - we just want you to know you can.   Don't let yourself down, don't let Larry down, don't let you family down; and most importantly, don't let God (who give us this precious gift) down.   It's hard; one of the most hardest things you will ever have to do, but do it - Live your life the best you know how. Keep us posted on your appointment with your doctors; until, know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.   Hang in there and be blessed.

 

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thank you,my friends.I am much better now.I am going to make myself make it til Friday.Love Ruthanne

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KMB   

crownholder2, I'm not going to repeat what the others have already said. We will all survive together somehow, some way. Hang in there Ruthanne and make sure you keep that doctor's appt. on Friday. You have us and God on your side!  (HUGS)

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