Jump to content
Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
  • Announcements

    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
Kelly hill

Loss of son

Recommended Posts

Hi I'm struggling really bad since the death of my 21yr old son.He was stabbed to death 5 weeks ago. I try to be strong for his siblings and his 3 year old daughter but I'm struggling.I feel like I'm in a nightmare I can't escape from.We haven't had the funeral yet due to police investigations.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear Kelly,

My deepest condolence and sympathies on the passing of your beloved and cherished son. I'm so sorry for your pain and sorrow. There are no adequate words during this very difficult time. Sending you love and hugs and all my prayers. Please know you are not alone. We are all here to listen and support you in anyway we can.  Take care the best you can.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh Kelly

of course ur struggling

of course you feel Ike ur in a nightmare because u are

what could be worse to experience here on planet earth than to lost a child????

NOTHING ~

i am glad u r reaching out to ppl who have & are walking in ur shoes

Land u must put your self in the forefront of self care and do WHATEVER u need to 

make it thru each day otherwise u will not have anything for anyone else involved in this loss

now ur kinda counting done til the funeral and all the goes with that

be gentle with ur self  sleep as much as u can

do not forget to eat and drink water ect

and if nessessary call ur doctor for some Meds to help u

thays was what I did when I lost my first son

i had absolutely NO ONE TO HELP OR COMFORT ME IN WAY THAT I NEEDED

yet there is no real comfort in the midst of where u are at this time

find a place to cry where u won't encounter all the useless words people seem to think they need to say

everyone here cares more than words can say

rainie

 

 

 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry for your loss x

I have now finally got a date for the funeral,people keep saying that I will be able to move on once we have had it and said goodbye but I can't imagine how.We will have a court hearing to sit through sometime in the year which will open all these wounds once again.I can't imagine my life without him,I have nightmares about the night I was knocked up and told he had died,nightmares that consist of me seeing him scared hurt and alone and I wasn't there to protect him,if it wasn't for my other children I don't think I would be here I have the longing and needing to be with him so bad.I sit at home waiting for him to come give me some cheek or to ask to borrow some money or do all those little things he used to do that always drove me crazy but now would do anything for him to be doing them.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Kelly, I I know these words do not come close to alleviating your pain but I am so sorry for your loss. These last few weeks for you have been so raw and devastating.  I too lost my son and the coroner held him for almost a month.  We had actually planned his service and we almost didn't have him for it.  It was a cruel and mortifying situation and added so much to our grief.  When a child dies our world is shattered and we are brought to our knees. Violent loss is incomprehensible. Your world has been violently shaken and all that you know seems to have fallen out from under you.  You have come to a good place.  Right now don't think of how you will get through the rest of your life.  You need to think about the next hour, minute... that is all you can handle right now. You will learn your way on this path. Sharing your pain can help. No sleep, guilt, anger, sadness, No sleep, guilt, anger, sadness, repeat and throw in some sorrow and despair..... a grieving parent makes their way.  The path is never straight forward.  Someone once told me " SHOW ME A GRIEVING MOTHER AND I WILL SHOW YOU THE BRAVEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD;  SHE HAS LIVED ONE DAY WITHOUT HER CHILD."   I am a couple of years into this and the path of grief throws things at you. But having the ability to get my feelings out  has helped...if helped is the right word.... We have an very active thread in this forum.  It is called Loss of an Adult Child. Please come join the many parents on there. We have many who have lost their child to violence and many who have had to navigate the court system for that child.  Active posts are on the last page.   I know your head is spinning with the "what ifs' and the "this cannot really have happened."  It is a rocky road on this grief journey. Those who understand are those who are walking in these grief shoes like yourself.  You need to hold on right now with both hands, but you do not have to do it alone.

Comfort.jpg

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Kelly,

I am so sorry for your loss. My son was stabbed to death just three weeks shy of his 21st birthday nine months ago, so my heart goes out to you. I am so sorry it's taking them so long to release the body, it's always difficult when there is a pending investigation. You are right that it's a living nightmare, and all sorts of things go through your head. It took me months to even want to leave the house, and it's been really difficult with his brother as well.

There will be a lot of sorrow, and a lot of anger, and it's okay to feel that way.  You will have to make sure you take care of yourself as Rainie suggested, drink lots of water and make sure you eat even when you don't want to.  I had to set a timer on my phone to remind myself to eat as I had no appetite.

I am so sorry that you are going through this, it's so similar to my own situation and it's so hard. Know that we are here to listen to you and will respond when we can.

This is my Nathaniel;

 

13165965_1548255302150612_6296714611814113337_n.jpg

Untitled-1.jpg

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you so much for your kind words of support,and I'm sorry to hear about your son.Yeah it's so hard I can't see how I can ever begin to get "over" it as people keep saying.I feel so angry all the time it's just awful cos I'm usually not an angry person.

This is my son jordan x

IMG_2734.PNG

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What a beautiful boy, I'm so sorry for you and your family.

I'm just like you Kelly, I'm not an angry person at all usually but now I am full of rage. And as righteous as the rage is, because part of our future was cut from us, it still is hard to understand and be comfortable with that kind of anger. And it hits me at inopportune times too and like you, I hope it gets better after the trial is over and there is justice.  But I have also come to understand that it may never come and I'll have to learn to navigate that map when I come to it. I do try not to take my anger out on others or on myself.  It's so easy to blame ourselves for not being there or protecting them but you can't be there in each moment, in each day.  You did the best you could for Jordan, and some times these things are just out of our hands. The guilt for me was so hard too, still is some days.

You will never "get over it" as people have asked you to.  They have no right to say that and no understanding what you are going through.  This is a tremendous thing, a gigantic piece missing from your narrative and there is no time for you to just turn the page.  Sudden and violent tragedy happened and you had no time to prepare, you will need time for adjustments and you will need forgiveness for yourself. There are no manuals to help you through, but you can learn to lean on the people around you for help even when they don't understand your grief. Even if it's just for help doing the dishes, or taking you to the store for groceries because you are crying too much to drive yourself.  It's okay to burst out in tears too, because you can't control it and it will hit you at various times. It still happens to me a lot these days.

Give yourself time and kindness. You will never get over it, and you will have to learn to draw new maps and write new stories while remembering the old.

I wish you peace and love, Kelly.

~Margo

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Kelly I am so sorry for the loss of your son it is a devastation beyond words. I lost my 24 yr old son in Aug 2015 and still struggle to make sense of it sometimes. people do not know what to say after a death and often it is not what you want to hear. The funeral is an important day because it is the last time you can physically do something for your child on this earth. It is also the hardest day of your life. Does it bring peace? Well at least the waiting is over. My son had to be flown back from Hawaii after the police investigation there and then held by the coroner here so he could be cremated. The waiting was over and I did get to see Tommy twice before his funeral. His adult siblings did too. It was ahuge shock because then it become real but I was able to talk to him and kiss him and hold his hand. I put a long letter in with him and a verse in his hands "Till we meet again". Even family dont always know what to do. plan for his funeral and then reevaluate where you are. It will be hard for you to be back in court and reliving it again but I hope you find some justice for your boy. Anger is totally normal I think we are all more angry than we were before. join us on Loss of an Adult Child thread it is very active and there will be quick responses to your posts. i wish you well

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now


×