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Dealing with my partner's anger/grief after his mom's passing


Confused_Scared

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Confused_Scared

I apologize ahead of time if I'm posting in the wrong place. I've read some other posts and this seems like the appropriate place for perspective/guidance. If I shouldn't be posting here please let me know and I'll remove it.

(Long post)

My partner (6 years) lost his mother 1.5 months ago. It was expected, but still very difficult near the end. Since then he has completely shut me out. Will only communicate over text. Won't see me. And he is SO ANGRY at everyone. I am trying to be supportive and stay calm. I know (at least I think I know?) this is not about me, but his grieving. I keep telling him I love him, I support him, and I will respect what he needs (e.g. Space or contact, whichever). I am quite strong and able to support him because, as I said, I know this isn't really about me. 

Just now, he has completely lost it on me (over text, never in person/phone). Told me I can't understand what he's going through and that he's done with me/the relationship. Said goodbye and to move on because he's done with me. He was quite angry/swearing. All over text. Never calling me names or disrespecting me. It was more the opposite - that he is a loser and a failure, etc. That I need to find a better person and have a better life without him.   

It kind of came out of nowhere (we hadn't been fighting or anything). It seems to have been triggered by me sending a text saying "I love you and I'm thinking about you". I don't text everyday. Maybe once per week, to give space. 

I've said repeatedly that I don't want to break up. That I want to support and understand what and how he is feeling. But all I get in return is being told to move on.

I don't know how to handle this. Do I actually accept this as a real break up? Do I just give it a few days/weeks of space? Is this an expected part of grieving? I'm at a complete loss as to what to do. 

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Obviously I don't know what he's feeling, but anger is expected, I feel it all the time.
I am sorry you have to be suffering as a result. I doubt his feelings will subside any time soon.
It seems you're doing what you can. You try to reach out or give space.
Maybe things will improve, but for now all you can do is what you have been doing.
Maybe you can see him in person after some space. I don't know. Text seems impersonal, even if that's what he wants.

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Confused_Scared

Thank you for your response. I'm just so stunned that it's come to this. It makes no sense to me. I had dealt with the loss of a parent myself in the past few years and anger was only a small/brief component. He was with me during my grieving, and gave me the support I needed. I was/am more than willing to do the same. We obviously all grieve in our own different ways, and I know I don't have all the answers, but I just never imagined he would end it or say the things he said. And definitely not over text. 

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