Lost my darling kitty Sadie, one week ago today

[pjo59]

Sadie was 16 and had been with me for 13 years. I knew she was getting older and having her age-related problems. I turned a blind eye I guess. I thought I could fix her. I bought her new dishes, litter box, food.. but she was dying. She had a stroke that I mistook for a sore hip she'd struggled with. Then her bowels and bladder shut down. I looked at her and suddenly realized how tired she was. So, I had no choice left. I took her and had her put to sleep last Monday, 4/24. It was one of the hardest things I've had to do. I had to go alone. Seems friends are few when you need them. Everyone at the clinic was wonderful and kind. Even so, how do you make such an ordeal pleasant? Sadie was exhausted and feel asleep as I cuddled her in her favorite blanket. I'd talked to her the entire trip to the clinic and again in the exam room. No one hurried me. I opted to only hold her for the sedative. I didn't realize how quickly it would take affect. I found myself scrambling for last words that I'm not even sure she heard. She gave a tired sigh and her little head dropped, and it was over. Someone said that when a pet goes that quickly from the sedation, they were very, very close to death. That's the only solace I can take from this tragedy. I want to believe there's a place for our pets in some sort of paradise. I'm getting so many mixed reviews. But surely, a creation that could bring so much joy, must have a special place beyond here- I would think, or hope. I miss her so much. Sleep has not come easily and anxiety has been high. Sometimes I forget and think she's going to be lying on my bed when I get there or will jump up on the couch with me. If I hear stirring, I think it's her. Friends buried her on their farm and I can go and put flowers on her grave when I want to. Other friends suggest I get another cat to take away the pain. Getting another cat won't take away the pain of losing my friend, nor would a new pet replace Sadie. For now, just getting through each day without falling apart is an accomplishment. I feel sad for all the posters on here and can relate to their pain. I don't have a solution except that I pray for all of us that God will heal or broken hearts and we can be thankful for the time we had with our special friends.

[Furbaby Angels]

Hi...I'm so, so sorry about Sadie. Losing our sweet pets is super hard. Have you found anything or anyone that is helping you cope with your loss?  I lost my 14 year old dog, Linkie, in April of 2008. Then yesterday, 4/30/17. I had to put Nala (my cat) to sleep. I was alone, too. It was shocking because she didn't act that sick and I really thought I'd be taking her home with me. She was a few months shy of 13. She went quickly, too. Tell me the story of how you adopted Sadie if you feel like talking about it.

[KayC]

I am so sorry for your loss.  Your girl is adorable and I can easily see why you are feeling as you are.  It is common to second guess our decisions afterward...common but not necessarily helpful.  Sometimes I think we think the "what ifs" in a way to rewrite the ending, but the truth is, we did the best we knew to do with the knowledge given us at the time.  16 years is a long life...I did have a whippet who lived to be 14.  I could have let the whippet make it to 15 but at what cost?  She was going deaf, incontinent, crying in her sleep from pain, stumbling and falling, it was time, for her sake.  I could not justify keeping her alive longer for my own selfish reasons.  It was time to let her be in peace where she could wait for me to join her, where she could be restored to her youthfulness and enjoy her next life.  I like the saying, "All dogs go to heaven" because if anyone deserves to go there, it's our beloved pets.

I wish you peace and comfort.
 

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf 

http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/05/pet-loss-is-it-different-kind-of-grief.html  

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2013/03/memorializing-pets-we-have-lost.html 

[pjo59]

Thank you KayC. Your words are very comforting. You're right. It's hard to be reasonable about a sensitive situation. I did what I thought was right at the time. There's no need for second guessing in my situation. Sadie had a stroke, lost control of her bladder and bowels and I should have taken her sooner. I was in denial. I tried to fix her. I wanted her to keep living but to do so meant she would keep suffering. I do miss her so much. Pets are so understanding. They don't care about the problems humans do. When I came through the door last night, I missed her coming to the door to greet me. Last night was exactly a week that she died. I still feel so sad. I do hope our pets go somewhere special. There is so much contraversy about this. I don't want to think the death of a pet ends there. Thanks again for your kind words .

[pjo59]

15 hours ago, Furbaby Angels said:

Hi...I'm so, so sorry about Sadie. Losing our sweet pets is super hard. Have you found anything or anyone that is helping you cope with your loss?  I lost my 14 year old dog, Linkie, in April of 2008. Then yesterday, 4/30/17. I had to put Nala (my cat) to sleep. I was alone, too. It was shocking because she didn't act that sick and I really thought I'd be taking her home with me. She was a few months shy of 13. She went quickly, too. Tell me the story of how you adopted Sadie if you feel like talking about it.

I'm sorry for both of your losses. Your kitty is adorable. Your loss is fresh too. I'm sorry. You must feel very sad right now. A friend gave me Sadie when she was 3. My friend couldn't keep her or have her where she lived. I hesitated because just a year prior, we'd had to put our sweet diabetic cat to sleep. I didn't want anymore pets. Sadie had nowhere else to go. So I took her home with me. She was a wonderful cat. She was very healthy, except for a few minor things. But these last two years, things started going awry. I didn't notice really. I guess I didn't want to think about it. I'll miss her for a long time. Her loss has left a hole in my heart and home. 

[Furbaby Angels]

It hurts and it does leave a huge void. It's tempting to just not let any more love in or out. But what I'm learning is as much as our precious pets enrich our lives, we do the same for them in their short time here. I know it hurts but we all have more to gain than lose if we let love have its way with these precious furbabies. I don't know if that makes sense. I guess I'm trying to say there are more furbabies that need what you have to give. Keep loving and giving in memory of your Sadie and the ones to come. You will reap love overflowing!

[KayC]

8 hours ago, pjo59 said:

I do hope our pets go somewhere special. There is so much contraversy about this. I don't want to think the death of a pet ends there.

The way I look at it, God is a creator, he's organized, his brain far surpasses ours.  So I ask this, "Why in the world would God go to the effort He has to create these wonderful beings only to let them die and that be it?!"  It doesn't make any sense to me!  We already know from the Bible that there will be animals in heaven (the lion shall lay down with the lamb), so why would he let a lion and lamb be in heaven, but not my precious dogs and cats?!  Nope, I believe with all my heart that He would not waste these wonderful animals He's created.  Besides, how could it be a heaven without my animals?  I HAVE to see them again!  And surely He gets that!

My mom was one of those that believed when a dog died, that was it, they didn't have a soul, no can go to heaven.  What?!  How does she know what they're comprised of or know their outcome?  She's not an authority!  There's much the Bible does not tell us, but after a lifetime of knowing God, there's some things I assume and this is one of them.  He's not stupid, He would not let them die and that just be it.

But don't take my word for it, here's a book that covers this from a theological standpoint as well as humanitarian.  (It goes for cats as well and addresses that).
https://www.amazon.com/Do-Dogs-Go-Heaven-Revised/dp/096762181X

[Furbaby Angels]

Agree! It just doesn't make sense - for animals or humans. That all this would be just for now. I just ordered There Is Eternal Life For Animals yesterday. Niki Shanahan gives Biblical support for this. I love it because I didn't really think of it but God created animals and humankind on the same day! We were meant to go together! This doesn't take away the hurt but it does offer hope. And we must continue to make a difference in the lives of these sweet creatures that are obviously of great importance to God, too. :-)

[KayC]

I think that book must take similar stance to the one I recommended, both have biblical scripture for basis.  I like your point about them being created on the same day, we were entrusted with their care!

[Furbaby Angels]

Yes! It really is neat to search the scriptures because the answers are there. When I  told my son what happened with our cat, he said he didnt know they could even get cancer. I told him they can basically get every kind of sickness that humans  get. Niki broke down how the fall of man immediately caused the beginning of suffering for animals, too, as they became the initial sacrifices to cover our sins. There was an exchange for sin provided by innocent animal sacrifices. I think this is part of the reason why some of us innately have such a love for animals and why God provides us such unconditional love from our pets!  Romans  8:20-22 has new meaning when I read it now. "Against its will, ALL creation was subjected to God's curse. But with eager hope, the creation looks forward to the day when it will join God's children in glorious freedom from death and decay."

I do look forward to that day of absolute freedom!!!

[KayC]

Oh yes, my cat, King George, got cancer, he was 19.  He'd been previously misdiagnosed; had I known he wouldn't get better, I'd have spared him the suffering and had him put to sleep a month sooner.  As it was, he really suffered at the end before being correctly diagnosed.

That's interesting how Niki said 

3 hours ago, Furbaby Angels said:

the fall of man immediately caused the beginning of suffering for animals, too, as they became the initial sacrifices to cover our sins.

I'd never considered it like that before!

[Furbaby Angels]

I didn't either...mind-blowing but everything starts to make more sense the more we dig. It's like I've been a Believer all my life but I love how He reveals more and more as we seek Him. It really deepens our faith! Since the animals played a vital part in everything from the beginning and were created on the same day as mankind, it only makes sense that they wouldn't be involved in the same Resurrection power, if for no other reason, based on their innocence in the whole ordeal. 

[pjo59]

3 hours ago, KayC said:

Oh yes, my cat, King George, got cancer, he was 19.  He'd been previously misdiagnosed; had I known he wouldn't get better, I'd have spared him the suffering and had him put to sleep a month sooner.  As it was, he really suffered at the end before being correctly diagnosed.

That's interesting how Niki said 

I'd never considered it like that before!

Things are getting a little complicated on here now. I don't mean to offend anyone by saying that. I'm on here to offer comfort and to be comforted. The answers to our pets whereabouts is too unspecific in the Bible. I'd like to think my little Sadie is in God's arms in a special place. I believe they were put here to keep us company and for us to care for.  I too should have taken Sadie sooner but was convinced that her symptoms were from less severe problems. I was in denial. I wasn't ready to lose her. She was getting old and sickly and I knew this day would come. I told myself I wasn't ready, wasn't prepared. By the time I would have been ready, she would have had an exhausting, painful death. Everything that lives, dies. I had no choice in the matter with humans I loved. They were a part of my life and I had to deal with their death. If I didn't want to deal with my pets death someday, I guess I shouldn't have taken her. So I guess the question is whether or not loving and caring for a pet is worth the eventual greif. Right now though, I did have a pet, and loved her, and we took care of each other. Now she's gone and I miss her. I'll be crying and greiving for awhile. 

 

[Furbaby Angels]

Pjo59 I'm sorry! I thought I was talking directly to the kayc. Forgive me, please....I'm new and posting from my phone. Know  you're not alone in that many other pet lovers suffer this fate daily. I do believe that when the time is right, you might consider offering up your love to another precious furbaby one day. But the choice is yours. You seem to have a beautiful heart full of love and compassion so I know you will be used to share that - even if you choose not to own another pet. What's your favorite memory of Sadie? I know she loved you so much!

[KayC]

pjo59,

I'm sorry I upset you by recommending the book, I was trying to address what you said and comfort you.  I believe with all my heart that we'll be with them again, and I'm not sure why that would be upsetting to you.

Loss is painful but the benefits of spending their lives with us, to me, is worth even the pain.  I've been through it time and again, and will again, but I love my animals and would not do away with one minute with them, even with the pain it brings eventually.

I do know the pain lessens eventually but we do continue to love them.

[pjo59]

KayC, you did not upset me. I'm not sure  what book you're talking about? I feel the same as you do. No one on here intends to upset anyone. This being a board for greif, things need to be worded carefully. There are people who are inconsolable or highly sensitive right now, and don't want to read details from the Bible, etc, unless they are positive. It's my hope that I haven't offended anyone or been insensitive. That wasn't my intention. Thanks for your note.

[pjo59]

11 hours ago, Furbaby Angels said:

Pjo59 I'm sorry! I thought I was talking directly to the kayc. Forgive me, please....I'm new and posting from my phone. Know  you're not alone in that many other pet lovers suffer this fate daily. I do believe that when the time is right, you might consider offering up your love to another precious furbaby one day. But the choice is yours. You seem to have a beautiful heart full of love and compassion so I know you will be used to share that - even if you choose not to own another pet. What's your favorite memory of Sadie? I know she loved you so much!

Thanks Furbaby. It is confusing on here sometimes when making a reply to someone. I doubt I will get another pet. This was the second time I've been through this and the first time I went alone (to have her put to sleep). No one replaced our first cat and no one can replace Sadie. I guess my favorite memory would be...I have so many. I liked the way she'd sleep under the covers with her head on the pillow, like a human.  I know you miss your pets too. They add much to our lives and leave a huge gap when they leave.

[Furbaby Angels]

Awww....what a sweet memory about the pillow and those memories will one day make us smile instead of cry. The baby memory of Nala is that she'd always find these silk flowers I decorated with and put them in her bowl lol. The most recent one was at night, she'd climb up on my tummy and knead then she'd come up and give me a kiss. I hate they have to leave us but I just keep trying to believe they were as blessed by us as we were by them.

(Don't know why my pics are loading sideways)

[Furbaby Angels]

Pjo59...just checking in to see how you're making it. How did you manage your day? I hope that each day gets better and better for you. You may not see it right now, but you will smile and love again.

[pjo59]

I guess I'm not done greiving. I just vacuumed for the first time since Sadie died. I know it sounds silly but when I got to her room, the litter box room, I bawled my eyes out. I felt like I was vacuuming up her. Does that make sense? Wednesday was the first night I changed my pillow cases where she layed her head. She'd crawl under the covers and lay her head on the pillow, like our other cat did. I missed my allergist appt today and that didn't help. They didn't give me a reminder call so I called them and my appt was at 2 not 3. So I go in two weeks. I wasn't in the mood anyway. The PA will be glad to know I don't have a cat!  She said I'm allergic and I told her I wasn't ditching my 16 yr old cat! Sorry, guess I just needed to tell someone who understands losing a pet.

[Furbaby Angels]

Oh...yes, those "firsts" without your baby. So painful! I totally get it. I started getting rid of her food and almost anything in the house that reminds me of her because it's too painful right now. I feel like the dogs know she's not coming back. It's just really sad. But I do find comfort looking at pics of her. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Since grief is a process and everyone is different, you just have to take your time. Awww, I'm sorry about your allergies. It's amazing how we don't mind our allergies, tons of fur everywhere and all the other things that come with parenting furbabies because we LOVE them. I hope you're feeling better soon. Do you have any local friends that can provide a temporary distraction?

[pjo59]

Thank you for your reply. I started putting away what I wanted to keep, a weeks before I took her, but put it out of sight. I knew it was coming. I've given some to a friend with a cat shelter. I have a few more things bagged up to take to her tomorrow. Yes, I have some friends. One wanted to get together today but I needed to get this done. Another's been wanting to work out at a gym we joined so guess I'll go tomorrow. I've wasted money so far. I joined a group at a church. It's not for greif. It's for other things we've been through that I need to address. But did talk to one about my cat this past Monday and she sympathized. She'd been through it too. I hope you're doing ok too. I know you're dealing with sadness too. Your little kitty sure was cute. I'm sure you miss her a lot. She passed recently too, did she not. So your greif is fresh too. It's very hard. You know they won't live forever but don't think the day will come or think you'll be prepared or whatever. Yours was probably good company and you could count on her to comfort you when you were having problems. I could cry all over Sadie and she didn't mind. It leaves a big gap when they're gone. I didn't mind the allergies. I'm allergic to other things too. A downfall of living in KY. I'm trying to move back to California where I'll feel better. Where do you live, if you don't mind my asking? I hope I didn't offend any of the other people on here. They never post. Take care.

[Furbaby Angels]

Well we all need to be understanding of each other on here...we're hurting. But if someone was offended, there's not much we can do about it...just apologize and keep it moving. Yes...I had bunches of fun with Nala! I think I see her sometimes on the bed..mind plays tricks. She passed on Sunday :-(((. She was a cutie. One day I'll tell you the story about how I ended up with her :-). I will also tell you more about my experience at the animal hospital with Nala on Sunday. It's all been a whirlwind and I'm still processing it. 

I'm glad you're connecting and reaching out. God will connect you with the right people! I live in Texas...Austin area. KY doesn't sound like much fun lol so CA would have my vote!

this was Nala before they put her to sleep. She didn't look sick at all. :-( I'm thankful for all the time with her. She would have been 13 soon.

[Furbaby Angels]

[Furbaby Angels]

I can't post the pic

[pjo59]

Texas. That's cool. Sometime I would like to hear more about your kitty. Sadie pissed on the 24th so I guess your ordeal was after that.

A friend talked me into taking Sadie when she was 3. She couldn't keep her anymore. I hesitated because just a year earlier, we'd had our 7 year old diabetic cat put to sleep. I said no more pets! But I don't regret taking Sadie. She's was a good cat and provided me with love for 13 years. She had always been healthy until this past year and then she started having different problems that older cats get. But she had a stroke, then lost the use of her bladder and bowels. When I took her to the clinic, she was not well. She was sleepy before the anesthetic was administered. I think someone in here said when an animal passes

On 5/4/2017 at 6:53 AM, pjo59 said:

KayC, you did not upset me. I'm not sure  what book you're talking about? I feel the same as you do. No one on here intends to upset anyone. This being a board for greif, things need to be worded carefully. There are people who are inconsolable or highly sensitive right now, and don't want to read details from the Bible, etc, unless they are positive. It's my hope that I haven't offended anyone or been insensitive. That wasn't my intention. Thanks for your note.

On 5/3/2017 at 10:24 PM, KayC said:

pjo59,

I'm sorry I upset you by recommending the book, I was trying to address what you said and comfort you.  I believe with all my heart that we'll be with them again, and I'm not sure why that would be upsetting to you.

Loss is painful but the benefits of spending their lives with us, to me, is worth even the pain.  I've been through it time and again, and will again, but I love my animals and would not do away with one minute with them, even with the pain it brings eventually.

I do know the pain lessens eventually but we do continue to love them.

Hi KayC, how are you? Are you doing ok? 

[pjo59]

On 5/1/2017 at 9:54 PM, KayC said:

I am so sorry for your loss.  Your girl is adorable and I can easily see why you are feeling as you are.  It is common to second guess our decisions afterward...common but not necessarily helpful.  Sometimes I think we think the "what ifs" in a way to rewrite the ending, but the truth is, we did the best we knew to do with the knowledge given us at the time.  16 years is a long life...I did have a whippet who lived to be 14.  I could have let the whippet make it to 15 but at what cost?  She was going deaf, incontinent, crying in her sleep from pain, stumbling and falling, it was time, for her sake.  I could not justify keeping her alive longer for my own selfish reasons.  It was time to let her be in peace where she could wait for me to join her, where she could be restored to her youthfulness and enjoy her next life.  I like the saying, "All dogs go to heaven" because if anyone deserves to go there, it's our beloved pets.

I wish you peace and comfort.
 

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf 

http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/05/pet-loss-is-it-different-kind-of-grief.html  

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2013/03/memorializing-pets-we-have-lost.html 

Hi KayC. I haven't posted with you lately. How are YOU doing? I see you posting on here, comforting others, but not sure anyone's offering comfort to you! You lost a pet also. Being on here has really helped me. I still have my bad days, but I'm having better days now. I'm not feeling like I'm going to die or feeling that anxiety. I do miss Sadie and cry over silly things sometimes, but when I think of her suffering, I probably should have taken her to the clinic before I did. It wouldn't have been right to let things go on. Thank you again for your help. BTW I understand what book you were talking about. Yes, that would be beneficial to read. I want to think my Sadie went somewhere nice after she left this world. Some people say animals don't have souls so they don't go past this life. But they do have a SPIRIT, or they wouldn't be able to be alive, breathe, eat, walk. So I think they do go somewhere after here . There was a post about animals being sacrificed and suffering, according to the Bible. That was in the Old Testament. God required a sacrifice and so it was the beasts. However, in the NEW TESTAMENT, animal sacrifices are no longer necessary because God sent his son, Jesus to endure the ultimate sacrifice for all mankind, once and for all. Right?

[KayC]

pjo59,

It's not silly at all.  Vacuuming up the last of their fur can be pretty hard!  Nine years later I found a tiny strand of Lucky's fur and it panged by heart.   We always miss them.  Grief isn't something that gets over and done with, and certainly not this soon.  My Miss Mocha has been gone 11 months and I still have a hard time with it and miss her.  I didn't get closure because I never knew absolutely what happened to her, she was outside with me, disappeared, and never saw her again.  I think an animal must have got her, but it's hard when you don't even have a body to lay to rest.  I still miss sleeping with her.

Furbaby, 

not sure why you can't post the picture, have you tried cutting the size down?

[pjo59]

5 hours ago, KayC said:

pjo59,

It's not silly at all.  Vacuuming up the last of their fur can be pretty hard!  Nine years later I found a tiny strand of Lucky's fur and it panged by heart.   We always miss them.  Grief isn't something that gets over and done with, and certainly not this soon.  My Miss Mocha has been gone 11 months and I still have a hard time with it and miss her.  I didn't get closure because I never knew absolutely what happened to her, she was outside with me, disappeared, and never saw her again.  I think an animal must have got her, but it's hard when you don't even have a body to lay to rest.  I still miss sleeping with her.

Furbaby, 

not sure why you can't post the picture, have you tried cutting the size down?

I still can't empty the vacuum canister. Her fur's in there and I'm not ready to lose it.

[pjo59]

Just now, pjo59 said:

I still can't empty the vacuum canister. Her fur's in there and I'm not ready to lose it.

I'm sorry your cat ran away. No closure is probably worse. My son's cat ran away and it always bothered him not knowing what happened to her. He just prayed God took care of her. Sleeping with them is a big thing to miss, for most of us. I really miss that. I still wept at times when thinking about our other cat... He was a diabetic... And he went to sleep 11 years ago. Now, here I go again.

[Furbaby Angels]

Kayc I tried to copy and paste it because it turns out sideways when I attach it. This pic is Sunday before they euthanized her. She didn't even look sick. I wish I would have gotten a 2nd opinion now. I just wish I would have had the presence of mind to ask them to do X-rays first and send copies to my vet.

[pjo59]

27 minutes ago, Furbaby Angels said:

Kayc I tried to copy and paste it because it turns out sideways when I attach it. This pic is Sunday before they euthanized her. She didn't even look sick. I wish I would have gotten a 2nd opinion now. I just wish I would have had the presence of mind to ask them to do X-rays first and send copies to my vet.

Hi Furbaby Angels. Have you tried "rotating"the pic in one of your Picture Editor apps? Also, my Sadie did not LOOK particularly Ill, a few days prior to our trip to the clinic. The night before I took her, she was still scratching on her scratchpad and laying across another favorite toy. Pets can't talk so we don't often see from the outside, what's really going on, on the inside. Our diabetic cat was purring and kneading on our legs AT THE CLINIC, prior to being put to rest (10 years ago). But he was a VERY sick cat. I hope this offers some help and comfort to you.

[Furbaby Angels]

I think it may have something to do with my iPhone. You did make me feel better about Nala, so thank you. I'm very thankful I had her as long as I did. I'm just greedy when it comes to the longevity of my pets! 

[KayC]

Oh, she's beautiful!  I love her fur.

Maybe you could empty the vacuum canister into a bag and store it?

[Furbaby Angels]

Hey kayc! That's my cat - Nala - and thank you. But pjo59 was talking about vacuuming up Sadie's fur :-(

[pjo59]

I got a sympathy card from the animal clinic, like we did with Big Guy. I knew it would be in the mail and almost dreaded getting it. They all signed it, like they did with Big Guy and enclosed the Poem, The Rainbow Bridge. They put Sadie's birthday down wrong on the copy of the bill. They put it as April 24, 2001, instead of August 22. She died April 25, so it looks like she died a day after her 16th birthday. Irritated me. Guess I'm just being hypersensitive. I've been up most of the night. Think I need a medication adjustment. I'm going to take a nerve pill and go to bed. I can't sit here and cry all day. Thanks for listening.

[pjo59]

4 hours ago, KayC said:

Oh, she's beautiful!  I love her fur.

Maybe you could empty the vacuum canister into a bag and store it?

Thank you KayC. I emptied it into the trash because of all the dust too. I put it at the very bottom and covered it up with a plate and paper towels. They did give me what I asked for at the clinic. They put into separate baggies, two of her whiskers, and clippings of her soft fur. They wrote her name on each bag and drew a heart around it. This hurts to even talk about it. It took years to recover from our first cat and now... Again. I will not have another pet. 

[pjo59]

20 hours ago, Furbaby Angels said:

I think it may have something to do with my iPhone. You did make me feel better about Nala, so thank you. I'm very thankful I had her as long as I did. I'm just greedy when it comes to the longevity of my pets! 

I remember saying something about your photo app and what to try to turn the pic upright. I don't remember saying anything about being thankful for the time you had together, although that's what I'm trying to do and the only thing I think will help others. It's not much consolation though when you miss something so much and the wounds are fresh. It's like when people at a funeral say that the deceased is in a better place. Well, duh? That doesn't end the hurt of missing them.

[Furbaby Angels]

Yes...fresh wounds are very sensitive. I guess we can compare it to a physical wound. At first, there's lots of blood and the nerves are sensitive...pain may last for a while and then eventually the pain subsides but the scar remains. It's kind of like that emotionally...everything is raw right now but eventually the pain will subside --- although there will always be a "scar" reminding us of the original pain.

The more we tend to our emotional wounds, the better we'll heal...just like physically. We should give ourselves time to grieve/heal but have the hope of better days ahead. :-)

 

[KayC]

23 hours ago, Furbaby Angels said:

pjo59 was talking about vacuuming up Sadie's fur

That's why I responded that maybe she could empty the vacuum into a bag and store it, she didn't want to lose it.  I would have emptied the vacuum BEFORE vacuuming the fur so it would be mostly her fur, but I suppose you get both when you vacuum regardless.  I really understand the desire to preserve whatever we have left of them.  It's why I didn't want to change the sheets when my husband died, I didn't want to lose his smell and he slept there!  It may not make sense to anyone else, but it does to us, and us fellow grievers, well, we get it!

[pjo59]

My moods are up and down. Just when I think I have a grip on things, I think I'm losing it again. I slept all day yesterday. I think subconsciously, I knew it was the two week anniversary of Sadie's death. I missed a group (unrelated to this) at church.  My neighbor text me to see if was OK. I've become a bit of a recluse lately. I sleep too much or too little. Yesterday, I threw a semi-tantrum and got angry. I said I didn't want Sadie to be dead and that I wanted her back. I demanded it. Her being gone was unacceptable.I think this is particularly hard for me right now because of lack of support. My alleged friend, who promised to go with me to the clinic, was a no-show. Half my family isn't speaking. My oldest son can't stop screwing up. I could always count on Sadie to be a comfort, respite from all the damn drama. Now, I don't have that, and it makes me angry. I'm going between anger, hurt, and acceptance. Back and forth, back and forth. Some people understand- the ones who've had pets. The ones who haven't are trying to be understanding, for my sake, but they really don't get it. I do have a counselor, and she is supportive. Well, I have a temporary counselor until mine can work me in. Actually, I like this one better. All of this pressure feels like too much sometimes. Sometimes I'm calm and others, very anxious. I wake up and think Sadie's on the end of my bed, only to be disappointed that she's not. I think I hear her coming down the hall into the living room to jump on the couch next to me, or when I come home, I forget she's not going to greet me at the door. I hate this. I just hate this. 

I'm not moving on. It's almost as bad as a human death. Is that ridiculous? Some people are probably thinking it, though they wouldn't say it. I feel guilty for feeling like its as bad. 
Am I making to big a deal over this? Being a baby? A whiny? Should I be sucking it up? I'm so glad I'm not communicating with my mother right now. I'd have to hear the story (again and again) about how in one year's time, she lost her brother, mother, husband, and two cats. I'm sorry I'm not as strong as her. That's the strongest she's ever been. Other than than she's weak. A baby. I'm normally tougher than this. I don't know what's wrong with me. 

I've put all of Sadie's things in a plastic crate for now. I can't look at them. They make me too sad.

Sorry to write so much. There are other people on here who've just now lost their pets who need consolation more than I do, and for that I apologize.

[pjo59]

On 5/6/2017 at 7:02 PM, pjo59 said:

Hi Furbaby Angels. Have you tried "rotating"the pic in one of your Picture Editor apps? Also, my Sadie did not LOOK particularly Ill, a few days prior to our trip to the clinic. The night before I took her, she was still scratching on her scratchpad and laying across another favorite toy. Pets can't talk so we don't often see from the outside, what's really going on, on the inside. Our diabetic cat was purring and kneading on our legs AT THE CLINIC, prior to being put to rest (10 years ago). But he was a VERY sick cat. I hope this offers some help and comfort to you.

Furbaby Angels, your cat is so beautiful. Her fur is so pretty and looks so soft. I love her big, white paws. I'm sorry you lost her.

[Furbaby Angels]

Thank you, Sweetie! And I have an app to help me rotate....I'll try it. She was special...as Sadie was to your family. What I noticed last night and this morning is that our youngest dog seems to be lookin for Nala....which is sooooooo heart wrenching! He and Nala weren't the best of friends but they seemed to put their differences aside the last several months. :-) He actually stared in the places that Nala would be lying on the bed or in the window. Then he looked on the floor by the bed and just looked at me. I've never noticed him do that before. I was just telling my husband last night that I still expect Nala to be on the bed or in the bathroom hanging out waiting for us. I still just keep thinking that I was blessed to have such an awesome feline furbaby and excited about the prospect of getting another one later this year. Not quite ready, though. ---- How are you doing?

[Furbaby Angels]

pjo59...try not to beat yourself up. Your process is your process and letting out your feelings is healthy. Don't hold them in. Give yourself time. It's just like a physical wound....lots of pain, torn flesh, blood, etc at first.....eventually it heals and the scar is the reminder of intense pain once felt. It will get better but don't rush it unless a year from now you're unable to function. It sounds like with your counselor and those of us on here, at least you have sounding boards. I'm so sorry you're going through this. It truly sucks to lose a sweet pet.

[KayC]

19 hours ago, pjo59 said:

It's almost as bad as a human death. Is that ridiculous?

No it's not ridiculous.  I think losing my dog would be second only to losing my husband.  They are the ones who've been there for us, the ones we love.  There is nothing more wonderful to me than when my dog looks deliberately into my eyes and gives me a kiss.  I treasure that.  Your dog is the one you normally would turn to, so of course you miss him! 

You're not being a baby, we have to give ourselves permission to grieve, to feel what we're feeling, and you deserve that as well as anyone, your grief needs acknowledged the same as any of us!

[pjo59]

I want to thank everyone who has been supportive this past two weeks since I lost my companion and friend, my cat, Sadie. I don't think I could have made it without all of the love and sharing on here. I'm so thankful I found this board through a search. It was surprising to find that I was not the only one who was so distraught over the loss of a pet. It's a bit harder I think too, when you're forced to put your pet to sleep. There's an air of guilt attached. You keep wondering if you did the right thing, even though you probably know you did. I've lost a parent, a sibling, my son's father, and a best friend, and I'm not saying losing a pet is worse than losing a human being. But now that my son's are grown and gone, and my son's father is gone, Sadie was all I had as far as companionship. She was my only pet. I'm starting to heal, at least to go out and meet with friends who thought I'd died too. I'm trying to feel alive again, but I'm still dragging my feet. I've moved past staying in bed, not eating, or showering, which went on sporadically, the first week. I'd already donated a few things to a friend's cat refuge, and what I've kept, I've put up, out of sight for now. I still have my tearful moments, but try not to think of a few instances that really bring me down. Someone on here said their other pet seemed to be grieving over the loss of the pet that died. Yes. Animals greive. After the death of our diabetic cat ten years ago, our other cat would look into his "pals" carrier and lay down on top of it. He missed his friend. I hope all the newcomers on here find as quickly as I did, that they are not alone. 

 

[Furbaby Angels]

Awwww....pjo59....got me over here crying happy tears!  I'm so glad we have this community to share with each other, Toi! It turns out ww share a lot of things in 

[Furbaby Angels]

Awwww....pjo59....got me over here crying happy tears!  I'm so glad we have this community to share with each other, Toi! It turns out ww share a lot of things in common! I'm so glad you're progressing. Take it one step at a time. We will all get there! 

[pjo59]

4 minutes ago, Furbaby Angels said:

Awwww....pjo59....got me over here crying happy tears!  I'm so glad we have this community to share with each other, Toi! It turns out ww share a lot of things in common! I'm so glad you're progressing. Take it one step at a time. We will all get there! 

That's such a nice picture and very pretty cat. So sweet.

[KayC]

Very beautiful cat, looks like my Autumn Kitty, I lost her years ago.

pjo, I've had furbabies I lost that were harder than losing some of my human losses...they are in our everyday lives and love us unconditionally, it's natural we should miss them so much!