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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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AimeeLynna

lost my brother last year to herion/fentanyl overdose?

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Hello everyone. I'm new to the forum. I lost my brother 6 months ago from a herion/fentanyl overdose. Its hard living without him. I'm really struggling right now. I miss him and think about him often. I still cry. I was wondering if this is normal still 6 months after. I don't cry as much as I used to but this is still hard for me. he was my only sibling. he was my best buddy. I remember talking to him on the porch all hours of the night. I wish I could see him again. I'm asking because I don't know how long is "appropriate" to grieve. a lot of people told me to get over it and move on...im not as bad as I was. but he is in my dreams and desperately wanna have a conversation with him. so has anyone still struggled with the loss of their sibling 6 months later, or am I just torturing myself? I do think of him in positive ways too, this was a tragic death. my brother was 34. I cant help but feel guilty cause for some reason I feel I was there for him enough though I did my best to communicate with him as often as possible. I wonder if I talked to him more if I could of saved him. I will never forget that day. his girlfriend called and had been searching for him for hours. she found the bathroom door locked and kicked it open and there was my brother lying dead on the floor, she even described it to me and even though I wasn't there it was a very horrifying description. she has always passed away. he died October 25th 2016, and she died of a herion overdose as well on Dec 19th, 2016 so not even two months later. I decided to include a photo of him here simply because he was a great soul and in memory of him.

 

14702469_1281084191943074_2412410127343863076_n.jpg

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Dear AimeeLynna,

I'm so sorry for your pain and sorrow. It is hard to cope with such a major loss. Everything you are feeling and thinking is normal. Please know we are all here to listen and support you in anyway we can. Thinking of you. Sending you love and hugs.

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MaddieJo   

OMG me too. Spencer passed Oct 8th, 2014 from phentenol as well...

below's a pic of the 3 of us siblings. Spence is on the right.

 

Not that there's set times/stages. But you're still in the shock stage - 6 months is freshhhhhh woman! . it's perfectly fine how you're grieving. Believe me, you cry less and less. (I was the same way as you at 6 months) it actually seemed to progressively get worse and worse until about a year after. (sorry to say, but it got worse and worseeeeee...... :(:(:( :(  i never got happier til' about the 11-12 month stage - something switched on my birthday ). It's still very tough... but you just grow stronger and stronger as a person.

 

Every time I think of terrifying images: I say the Serenity Prayer and those images go away. <3 

 

I was lucky, about 1 month after his passing, I heard his voice in the middle of the night (one of those sleepless nights) saying "Maddie, I'm still here, I'm still here."

This helped me with my grieving, knowing this. People who have passed are just on the "other side of the veil" and they are still here.

 

So include your awesome brother in your life :)  (easier said than done - but try) It's beautiful all the messages they send. So be open to receiving them. Don't doubt  these messages - they are signs. (It feels better to believe this than not believe it - so just believe it)

 

sending love, love love

 

mj's bday ty spence.jpg

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Newton23   

Dear AimeeLynna: I'm so sorry you lost your brother.  The pain must be horrendous; at least it is for me, ever since I lost my sister.  She died September 24 of last year, and I'm still grieving.  There's not a day that goes by where I don't cry for her.  I'm not sure that we ever really "get over" the passing of our loved ones.  I've spoken with others who have lost their husbands, or their sons, and that pain is still there.  They still live productive lives and are even happy, but there's always that ache that doesn't go away.  But being around friends and family and talking openly about your sadness goes a long way to help with the grieving.  I'm sending you prayers and positive energy.  You're not alone in your grief. 

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Im sorry for ur loss. I myself lost my 30 yr old little brother to a methadone and benzodiazapine overdose. That was in 2006. Im still not over it. As far as blaming yourself for not being there, i think thats a normal feeling but having education in addiction i dont feel that should be in ir mind. Addiction is a strong disease. It sucks. My feeling now is im extremely mad. Because it was just so unnecessary. But no matter what i did i couldnt stop him. We were also very close. I dont think ill ever "get over it" but i have to continue on. Just a year and a half ago i also lost my 40 yr old little sister to metastatic lung cancer. Now thats hit me like a ton of bricks. Because now i have no siblings left to talk to, grieve with, and remember all the memories together. I miss her so much and it was horrible to have to watch her leave this world. Im the oldest and was 4-6 yrs older than they were so they were more like my children. I took care of them and i miss them everyday. But my memories are locked up in my heart and thats something ill always have. I just ordered some grief workbooks online so hopefully those will be a hude help. Good luck and prayers for you 

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Maisey80   

Oh. Amy. The loss will never be something we don't feel. I'm speaking as someone who lost her only sibling, her brother, who stupidly used heroin for a mere 6 months and that killed him. 

 

  I am in grief therapy weekly. It's not covered by insurance but fortunately it work for me. 

 

     I don't think it's something any sibling really gets over. I go from furiously angry to deeply sad within minutes. The weight of my parents' grief makes me super concerned for their wellbeing. 

 

   It's very isolating to lose your sibling- at least in my experience. Some people avoid you. Some people are oblivious and say insensitive things. And, unfortunately, I had a friend who told me to "get over it -- everyone has a loss in their life". 

 

  That crushed me. I'm new here and al going to stop commenting now as to not work myself up and try to sleep. 

 

Thinking of of all of you. 

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