Members northern harvest Posted April 29, 2017 Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2017 hello all... I am sitting at my computer, just stopped crying to find this site...my mom passed away suddenly dec 1 2016 due to a heart attack. she was away on holiday with my dad, he found her, and i got the call that no one expects to get...almost five months now and i don't know what i am feeling anymore...it was her birthday this week, we are doing all the first milestone things without her...i have so many mixed emotions all the time. i'm married and have three small kids and i really feel i've had no time to truly mourn my loss...i am so sad and broken....and i don't want to mask it with meds, but here i sit with a drink...i feel alone and like my "time" to be sad is supposed to be over...be strong everyone tells me and i really want to tell them to eff off!!! how can i be?? i know this pain will lesson, i know i will get back to some kind of normal...but when? when does mourning become depression? ...i've lost weight, i feel weak, its just this sense of apathy....and of course there are times when i'm just going through the motions of being mom, wife, daughter, sister...and sometimes i even forget my pain...i know this is the natural order of things, and that i have to go through this process blah blah blah...its all words.. i want my mom.. i want to hug her, hear her laugh....i feel ripped off...thats all i can type now...everyone tells me to journal and so i journaled...and??? i guess I need more.. thank you to this site for being here when i needed you x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members reader Posted April 29, 2017 Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2017 Dear northern harvest, My deepest condolences and sympathies on the passing of your beloved and cherished mom. I'm so sorry for your loss. I hear you my friend. It is a terrible shock and trauma to lose our parents. I'm with you because I too still wish my dad was alive. I want so badly to turn back time. Please know everything you are saying and feeling is normal and part of grief. I know that is cold comfort during this difficult time. If you want to, consider talking to a grief counselor or joining a support group. I still have a lot of anger over my father's death. I hate the whole world tonight. Try to make myself keep going but its been a struggle. I just want you to know you are not alone. Please continue to write and express yourself here. Thinking of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cindyjane Posted April 29, 2017 Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2017 northern harvest ... I am so sorry for your loss. I am sorry for all who go through the grieving process. We've all been through tough times but the loss of a loved one is the hardest thing that we have to go through. I totally agree with what reader says ... "everything you are saying and feeling is normal" in going through this difficult time. When I lost my parents, I clung to what others were telling me ... especially when they said that with time we heal from these devastating losses. I can attest to that now as it's been 3 years since my mom's passing and 2 since my dad's passing. The void is still there and today when I think about my parents I still feel sadness but at the same time I feel overwhelming feelings of gratefulness for having them for parents. I know that we will always miss our parents because of the LOVE we have for them and that is a good thing...in time our heavy hearts do lighten. I personally have found that another thing I found to be healing was trying to honour my parents in being the best person that I can be. I strive to be the kind of people they were ... kind, caring, laid back, happy, calm, and on and on. There are many ways to honour our parent(s) when they leave us. I don't have children but if I did I would teach them everything that my parents taught me. I hope this helps ... take care Cindy Jane Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members northern harvest Posted April 29, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2017 Thank you Cindy and reader for reaching out. My anger gets displaced at people I love. My husband- I think he is having a hard time seeing me so sad and so I lose my patience- same with my kids. I'm snappy and get frustrated so easily. I know I'm supposed to go through this process but my body is falling apart too- so it's emotional, physical and mental pain. It's exhausting. I know I will reach a point of smiling when I think of her...and time will help to lessen the intensity, but this no one can take from you and it's scary. Only I can go through this...things feel like a foggy blur and sometimes it's like I'm watching my life from outside. I'm told this is a coping mechanism too...I know I "should" be doing things to help myself but after I'm done taking care of the kids I have no energy... i think this group will help. Reading your kind messages and knowing you have been here too. Thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Paulo Posted May 5, 2017 Members Report Share Posted May 5, 2017 Read through a lot on this forum and this post made me register. I get it. I get it big time. I have a boy of 18 months and an extremely supportive and loving wife. With this, I feel like I am living for them and not with them. As cliche as it sounds I am surviving but not living. There is a stigma attached to having a young family of getting on with things because you have to. I am doing my best and not to blow smoke up my ass I am doing a pretty decent job but I have found the longer this goes on the worse I feel. 8 months ago I lost my dad, my role model, my best friend, my housemate, a confident, a leader, an example, a discipliniaran, a strong man of faith and a few more I am sure I am missing. If you have the good fortune of having this realtionship then how else are you meant to feel?! I lost a man that contributed to every positive area of my life. Not just contributed but inspired. I have been through conselling. I have talked about it with most. I am out of ideas and will do my upmost to get on with things. What is the alternative? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Butterfly2017 Posted May 5, 2017 Members Report Share Posted May 5, 2017 Hi northern harvest and paulo, I am so sorry to hear of your loss and the pain that you are in. I am only 17 days into my journey so have no advice to give. Just that I am listening and sending you hugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Paulo Posted May 6, 2017 Members Report Share Posted May 6, 2017 Sorry to hear of your news Butterfly. I know there is no real advice. We all do what we have to do to get through our grief. Grief is an extremely personal thing and no two people grieve the same way. I have a range of thoughts on the matter. All I know is at the minute every day feels like it is 50 hours long and is a fight to get through. At 17 days Butterfly I was still in auto pilot. It did not seem real. It was almost like making sure mum and sister were okay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Butterfly2017 Posted May 6, 2017 Members Report Share Posted May 6, 2017 Thanks Paulo, that is exactly how it it feels. I make sure there is a pot of food for everyone at the end of the day good as my Step-Dad is not ready to do it himself (parents live next door). My youngest started a new job yesterday and he is struggling so I had to support him and then there is my brother. I allowed the tears, when I was taking a shower but then had to block out everything I was feeling to go back to my family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Paulo Posted May 6, 2017 Members Report Share Posted May 6, 2017 Crying and outward grief is not something to hide. Let it happen. What you are going through now is no different from where I am at. We need to mourn and grieve. Time does not heal but as a group we must do our best to help each other. I know that is why I am here. I don't know you Buttefly but I love you. This is horrendous for us all. But we can all talk and we can all share. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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