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[Mickyboy]

Hi all I'm new to this site lost my wife dec28/16 and my eldest daughter august same year, called year from hell have 2 daughters left and 7 grandchildren am totally lost all seems to much can't sleep and also retired moved to new area so don't now anyone, just seem to drift from one day to another with nothing to do, how do you get your head around all this ****, people say gets easier with time have all the time in the world now and it's not getting easier.

[Teddi]

I know how you feel.  My husband passed away 2/4/17. We were together 36 yrs. It left a big void in my life. I'm learning to do the "guy" things my husband used to do. I'm hoping that someday things will be better. Some people think you're only supposed to grieve for a certain period of time then get on with your life. Well, screw them it's not so easy as that. I'm sorry about your daughter, that's a lot to handle. But I do believe in living my life the best I can and I will get through this. I think you will too

[Francine]

2 hours ago, Mickyboy said:

Hi all I'm new to this site lost my wife dec28/16 and my eldest daughter august same year, called year from hell have 2 daughters left and 7 grandchildren am totally lost all seems to much can't sleep and also retired moved to new area so don't now anyone, just seem to drift from one day to another with nothing to do, how do you get your head around all this ****, people say gets easier with time have all the time in the world now and it's not getting easier.

So sorry for your loss - to lose your wife is devastating; but to have lost a daughter the same year - mindboggling.  I only can imagine something so horrible would shake anyone’s confidence, to the point where they feel they cannot go on.  But you must, sometimes with help from counselors, friends, family and your own willpower to overcome the trauma.

The one certainty is that when you have lost your loved ones you have no choice but to cope as best as you can for the children or family who are left, and for your own sake too.  Everyone will be grieving, that is the fact that we have to accept. If not for yourself, do it for your loved ones who have died, live life to the full for them, would they like you to spend the rest of your life being miserable?  No one is ever expected to forget a loved one, just learn to cope with another day without them -that's the hard part.   Some people put all their energy into working long hours; but since you're retired, and after sometime has passed, you might try getting into some hobbies that might interest you and perhaps reduce your stress levels. 

There is no doubt that life will never be the same again, and hopefully one day you will remember how lucky you were to have known their love with wonder, and not grief.  When we grieve we are never alone - so many of us suffer loss each day.  Might I suggest you find others in the same boat in an online forum or local grief support group and share with others.  People love to talk about their loved ones and be heard; they can also lend you their ear for listening.  People can be so supportive, often just hearing how they coped and survived is a comfort. No, it isn’t easy, some days are better than others, but we all can get through this most difficult time. 

God bless and keep you, keep us all, safe.

 

 

 

[Zara19]

Mickeyboy, I'm sorry to read of your distress. That's such a lot of trauma and heartbreak to bear. I can't even begin to comprehend your pain.  I can relate to you just drifting through the day.  I do the same because everything, bluntly speaking, feels just absolutely pointless without my purpose in life and that was my Husband.  He passed away in October suddenly although anticipated.  I'm not coping well and have had Cruse counselling which was a disaster.  I wish you calmer times ahead.  I use the Sue Ryder Online Community in the UK, don't know whether you have tried this.  Francine has written you a lovely message of encouragement I see, far more positive than my post but I have had a worse day than usual and not in the best of places right now.  Sending thoughts of compassion.

[KMB]

Mickeyboy, 2016 was a terrible year for so many of us. I am sorry for your double loss. It is unfathomable to lose a spouse and a child. I wish I had words of comfort for you that will take away your pain. Unfortunately, words can be so inadequate but you have my heart felt thoughts. Retirement, having to move, not knowing a familiar face, must be compounding your feelings of loneliness and devastation. I hope you are able to spend time with your 2 daughters and grandchildren.Francine suggested a grief support group, which is helpful. You might want to research local churches or hospices to see what resources are available. Depending on your area, there also might be widow/widower meet up groups for sharing stories, coping strategies, a friendly cup of coffee.

This forum is a great place for expressing yourself with anything you need to release. We listen, offer encouragement and words of comfort. Prayers of peace to you.

[KMB]

Teddi, I admire your attitude so early in your grief that you know you will survive. I am sorry for your loss. Losing a spouse, being left alone and learning to live without them is probably the hardest thing we'll be called on to do, It definitely sucks, but we have no choice but to cry, to grieve, to stumble and fall, pick ourselves up and keep making those steps forward. There are no rules or time frame for grieving. We do whatever we need to in order to make it through each day and take our time. It is all we can do.

[KayC]

Micky,

It's not that it gets "better" so much as we learn to adjust to our "life without" as I call it.  Our coping skills get honed.  It's good to see a professional grief counselor, you can look for a grief support group, it's important to build a good network of support.  

 http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/10/seeing-specialist-in-grief-counseling.html

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2010/04/finding-grief-support-that-is-right-for.html 

http://ezinearticles.com/?Youve-Got-the-Power-How-to-Know-If-You-Are-Doing-Your-Grief-Work&id=9047323