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I lost my mum at 16


Francescaimaggon

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Francescaimaggon

This year, on Valentine's Day 2017, I lost my mum. She was diagnosed with adrenal cortical cancer, a very rare cancer that not many people know about. She was diagnosed in September, at 46 years old. My mum hadn't been well for a very long time, she had only one kidney due to kidney failure and the other one wasn't working fully. For four years she had gone to our doctor, begging him to listen to her, that she felt as though something wasn't right as she barley ate but was severely overweight. He just said that she was fat and because her glucose levels were high, that she was diabetic. No further testing, nothing. We only found out due to screening on her kidneys as she was complaining of extreme kidney pain. She was full of the cancer and tumours. I was only 16, she was only 46. My younger brother was 11, elder siblings were 24, 27 and 29. Although we were told that she had cancer, we still had hope. That was until we got told it was terminal. In January 2017, we got told we had 3-6 months. We decided to make it the best months that she ever had experienced. Unfortunately she was so sick, that even the holiday that we had booked to a little seaside an hours drive from us, she wasn't able to attend. On a Monday, I don't remember the exact date, she went downhill. With our house already been turned into as suitable for her as it could be (living room with a hospital bed and oxygen) we had to call an ambulance. I went with her. For three weeks she was in hospital, they said she wasn't going to make it. We fought to get her into a hospice as her nan (who was like her mother) died in the very same hospital. She was very delirious throughout those 3 weeks in hospital. She had terminal aggravation. Not many people are warned about that either. My independent strong mother was bed bound in nappies. She bit her tongue so hard that it bled and was bruised. She made herself bleed from trying to fight the nurses. It broke my heart. I stayed with her every day and night, taking time off of my a levels to be with her. I was 16. Then, a week before her death, she was transported to a hospice. It was amazing. We turned her room into her home. There were pictures, canvases, blankets, tv, a radio. Then on Valentine's Day. It was the same day my great nan (my mums nan who she loved and had a breakdown when she passed away) passed away on. I had a feeling she would let go then. We wheeled her hospital bed out of the backdoor, she was laughing, like she used to. It was like she came back to us, even if it was for a couple hours. We let off balloons for our nan like we done every year since her passing and her and I laughed. It was the first time I had heard that sound in a couple of months. It was amazing. From September she hadn't eaten any food, just nutrition drinks prescribed by the doctor. But on her last day she ate three meals (!) McDonald's breakfast, lasagne and curry, her favourite foods. We watched breakfast at tiffanys together then I left her, the last words to me where, 'I love you crabby.'. That was my nickname that she used to call me, something she hadn't called me for a month. Then at 8:20 we got a call saying her breathing had decreased and that we should come immediately. When we got there, she was already gone. 8:35 she passed. She wasn't alone, she was with a nurse who sat with her. The one time I left her she passed. I'll never forgive myself because I wasn't there. I miss her so much, I turned 17 yesterday, the 25th April 2017. My first birthday without her. She was only 46. I miss her every single day that i live. I'd do anything to hug her or kiss her or hear her voice again. I miss her so much. 

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Dear Frances,

My deepest condolences and sympathies on the passing of your beloved and cherished mum. I'm so sorry for your pain and sorrow. Thank you for sharing your mum with us.

Please don't be hard on yourself.  My father also passed when I wasn't in the hospital room. I think it was our parents away of protecting us one final time. I too wanted to be present, I wanted the whole family to be there. But it was the nurse that witnessed my dad's last breaths. Its something I still struggle with 6 months after my dad's passing.

Thinking of you and your family during this difficult time. Sending you love and hugs.

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