Members cp9042 Posted April 24, 2017 Members Report Share Posted April 24, 2017 This weekend I spent the whole time inside. I really should have gone to the store, but I just couldn't face people. I find myself canceling things like getting my hair done, because how do I tell the lady I've seen for years that my husband is now dead? How do I go to my doctor and let him know that my husband is no longer here? I know I have to do these things, but I keep putting things off, I just can't deal with anyone right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bradley1985 Posted April 24, 2017 Members Report Share Posted April 24, 2017 28 minutes ago, cp9042 said: I know I have to do these things, but I keep putting things off, I just can't deal with anyone right now. Understand. What I did is just pick on thing per day and if I missed a day no big deal. If I couldnt do anything like that I would just go to the convenience store. What a pain, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted April 24, 2017 Moderators Report Share Posted April 24, 2017 That's a very good idea, Bradley. It stretches us to get out of our comfort zone, helps us through this, but it's just a important to recognize our limits and not try too much at once. It's important to strike a balance between the two. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cp9042 Posted April 24, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted April 24, 2017 Yes, I need to try to do more, I just don't want to get too overwhelmed. I am having trouble giving away my husband's clothes, although I have put most of them in bags. But I just move the bags from place to place, when I really need to move them to the car. I am really going to try this week. Wish me luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KMB Posted April 24, 2017 Members Report Share Posted April 24, 2017 cp9042, We all have those days when we think, *I can do this*, *I need to try harder* , *I'll try to do more tomorrow*. You know what? So what if you don't do any of those words you keep telling yourself. Take your time, there is no rush. Your hair can wait. Your husbands clothes can wait. What matters is your emotional/mental self care and doing or not doing anything according to your needs and feelings at the time. You don't have to tell anyone about your loss. We don't owe the *exterior* people we only see occasionally any explanation. Tell them when you feel more comfortable doing so. (HUGS) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rebs Posted April 25, 2017 Members Report Share Posted April 25, 2017 20 hours ago, cp9042 said: Yes, I need to try to do more, I just don't want to get too overwhelmed. I am having trouble giving away my husband's clothes, although I have put most of them in bags. But I just move the bags from place to place, when I really need to move them to the car. I am really going to try this week. Wish me luck. cp9042, I don't know if this is something you might want to consider or if you know anyone who can do this ... Do you know anyone who quilts? If so, you may want to consider keeping some of your husband's clothes and having them make a memory quilt out of the clothes for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cp9042 Posted April 25, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted April 25, 2017 Thank you Bradley1985. It is a pain, but a necessary one. And KayC, you are right, I think I can do something, but I need to know my limits, and not push myself too hard. KMB - thank you so much for your kind words. You are right, I need to take my time. rebs - I will look into a quilt. I used to help my grandmother quilt when I was a little girl. She used a loom, and did everything by hand. I don't know how to do that anymore, but maybe someone in my area does them. Thank you for the suggestion. Yesterday I thought I was doing better, I even went to the store after work. Then I started thinking about how my husband used to carry the groceries in from the car. And how I miss his laugh. And now its just me and my cat Pearl. I just started crying. At least I made it home before that started. I just cried and cried. I know this happens, but it happens a lot to me, and i feel a sense of overwhelming loneliness and sorrow. I know it gets easier, but in many ways, I just want him back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted April 25, 2017 Moderators Report Share Posted April 25, 2017 3 hours ago, cp9042 said: I think I can do something, but I need to know my limits, and not push myself too hard. Yes, we must find our balance. You will know if it's too much or if too little. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Francine Posted April 26, 2017 Members Report Share Posted April 26, 2017 On 4/24/2017 at 7:43 AM, cp9042 said: This weekend I spent the whole time inside. I really should have gone to the store, but I just couldn't face people. I find myself canceling things like getting my hair done, because how do I tell the lady I've seen for years that my husband is now dead? How do I go to my doctor and let him know that my husband is no longer here? I know I have to do these things, but I keep putting things off, I just can't deal with anyone right now. I know the feeling. The first time I went to the grocery store without my Charles and saw couples (young and old) conversing with one another, I became so teary eyed, I just couldn't hold it together. I thought, man, that should be me and Charles - we always did that together. But the more I went the more I was able to hold it together; the hurt was not as painful. Now the the weather is warming, I've been trying to do more things outside of our home; that way, (I figure) my mind won't constantly be on my Charles and the things we did together. The first doctor's visit without him was a disaster, but I hope the next one (which is tomorrow) won't be as bad. Like you say, eventually, you'll have to do these things, but in your time. I imagine you'll know when the time is right, and it will probably be tough; however, as you continue to do them, they will become less difficult and more tolerable for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HHFaith Posted April 26, 2017 Members Report Share Posted April 26, 2017 Every "first time" doing something since they died is so hard, even if you think it will be easy. I lost it sitting at a coffee shop and seeing a couple in line give each other a little quick kiss. Had to put my sunglasses on so nobody would see my tears. It reminded me of how happy we were together, even just waiting in line at a coffee shop! And I cry every time I drive by the YMCA - he went there just about every morning for 28 years. It's so "his place". I try to brace myself for the places that I know will be a trigger, but sometimes those triggers come very unexpectedly and you just have to go with it. But don't rush things. If you feel that you can't deal with something yet, then don't. Taking care of ourselves now is such a priority. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cp9042 Posted May 2, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted May 2, 2017 Hi, Thank you for all your advice. It always helps. I finally got my husbands' clothes together and gave them to Goodwill. It was so hard, but I pushed myself to do it. I know each time I do something like that it is going to be extremely hard, but I have to try. Today I go see my doctor, for a checkup. I will have to talk to him about Stuart's passing. It seems each time I talk about it, I cry. Hopefully it won't be too hard. Wish me luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members M88 Posted May 2, 2017 Members Report Share Posted May 2, 2017 It will no doubt be emotional for you cp but I've found GP's & their nurses very understanding of grief - I've seen my fair share of different ones in the past 15 months. Tears are a release and therefore healing. Sending you strength and hugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted May 2, 2017 Moderators Report Share Posted May 2, 2017 cp, It's okay to cry, they understand, and like M88 said, it can be a release and healing to allow ourselves tears. Strength for today! (((hugs))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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