Loss of my spouse, sons father and best friend!

[pookie2613]

My husband and I were married for almost 8 years when I realized he had a drug problem. I tried to address this problem and offer my help being as we had a child together and I loved him... he continued to deny it and being a mother I finally came to a point where my boys wellbeing had to come first..... the boys and I left in April of 2016 and the addiction only worsened. He became unable to function daily and unable to separate reality from hallucinations. In the time this occurred i continued to offer my help in getting him clean etc but he was in denial..... finally 2 days before his death he admitted to me how bad the using had become so i attempted to take him to rehab but he proceeded to jump from my "moving" vehicle to avoid the help.....i then called the police who did nothing and then took him home per his request. It was a Wednesday when this occurred....i received the call i knew would come but had been dreading on that following Friday letting me know that not only the father of my 9 year old disabled son but my best friend had ended his life.....i dont know how to move on nor cope....please help!!

[KayC]

I am so sorry.  Sometimes someone is on self-destruct and we're unable to stop it, and that's the worst feeling in the world.  I hope you understand that this was a problem he had, but not something you are responsible for.  You did everything right, you did everything you could.  Sometimes it feels like that isn't enough because it didn't have the outcome we'd hope for, but the truth is, we don't have control over everything, least of all someone else's choices.  I do hope you'll see a professional grief counselor that can help guide you through this, and get help for your son also.  This can be too much to try to take on by yourself.  Those of us here share in our journey but are not qualified professional grief counselors, we're just sharing what we've learned as we traverse this as best as we can.

[KMB]

pookie, I am deeply sorry for your loss. I've never lost someone through addiction, but loss is loss and pain is pain when we lose someone we love. You tried your best to get some help for your husband. His state of mind rejected that help. You are not responsible for someone's choices and the resulting action. You placed your boys and your own welfare as priorities which was the only choice you could have made. Young lives shouldn't be placed in a destructive environment. i agree with KayC, that maybe seeking professional grief counseling is what you and the boys need at this time. Prayers of peace and comfort to you and your family.

[KavitaHubby]

I am so sorry for you loss. I think this is when god make us realize that there is bigger power above us. Please take care of yourself so that you can take care of your son. Things will be difficult in beginning but then you will get use to some of them with passage of time.

Hugs

 

[Francine]

16 hours ago, pookie2613 said:

My husband and I were married for almost 8 years when I realized he had a drug problem. I tried to address this problem and offer my help being as we had a child together and I loved him... he continued to deny it and being a mother I finally came to a point where my boys wellbeing had to come first..... the boys and I left in April of 2016 and the addiction only worsened. He became unable to function daily and unable to separate reality from hallucinations. In the time this occurred i continued to offer my help in getting him clean etc but he was in denial..... finally 2 days before his death he admitted to me how bad the using had become so i attempted to take him to rehab but he proceeded to jump from my "moving" vehicle to avoid the help.....i then called the police who did nothing and then took him home per his request. It was a Wednesday when this occurred....i received the call i knew would come but had been dreading on that following Friday letting me know that not only the father of my 9 year old disabled son but my best friend had ended his life.....i dont know how to move on nor cope....please help!!

 

I am so very for your loss. I know how difficult it must be for you.  Addiction is such a horrible disease; a sickness that not only destroys the person using, but also the entire family.  It is driven by one of the most powerful, mysterious, and vital forces of human existence.   What drives it is a longing - not just of the brain, but of the heart.  I can only imagine what lengths people will got to not to face what's real and painful inside.  Sometimes people can overcome their addiction but don't want to and when they want to stop, they can't. Addition is the only prison where the locks are on the insides.   I would  say, don't hate the addict, hate the disease; don't hate the person, hate the behavior; if it's hard to watch someone using, just imagine how hard it is to live it.  I'm sorry his addiction was stronger than his desire to overcome it.   As sad as it may be, people in our lives are meant to be on our journey, but not all of them are meant to stay until the end.  God puts people in our lives for a reason and removes them from our lives for a better reason.

Leaving your husband was a hard decision to make, even though you loved him.  That takes strength of character, and I applaud you.  Love, we all know, is a force of nature that is bigger than anything — an energy that moves through us all. It is a connection shared with another. It is the light within us. It is our heart connection. And it never dies.   Always remember that love, regardless of how someone passes, never ends; it just changes forms.

You are going to move on because you have to  - for yourself and definitely for your son - who needs you more than ever.  You are stronger than you realize.  A strong woman loves, forgives, walks away, let go; tries again, perseveres....no mater what life throws at her.  She need not declare she can carry all the burdens in life; she just quietly does it and survives. 

I hope you continue to post.   There are some amazing people on this forum who are not afraid to share their stories, while giving their support, comfort and encouraging words.  God bless and keep you, keep us all, safe.