Return back to every day life.

[completelylost]

I am just wondering if any of you could help me try to get back to everyday life. How long did it take you all to go back to work or have a glass of wine with friends? Did you tell yourselves anything in particular to help you get back to normal?  At the moment the thought of going on like nothing has happened is highly distressing. I have lost the biggest part of myself and I do not think i will ever be the same again.

I can't listen to music in the car when driving without feeling guilty. I haven't returned to work. I am cancelling my holiday that was previously booked for 1st May tomorrow as I can't go and sit on a beach somewhere while my nans lying in a box. 

I want to be more positive and think about all the memories i have made and how lucky i was to have my nan in my life but i can't. Instead I am lost without her and cry more than ever. Its getting worse the longer its been and I can't cope. The thought of feeling like this for the rest of my life is really upsetting. 

Can anybody help?

 

[reader]

Dear completelylost,

I'm so sorry for your pain and sorrow. I know this is a very hard time right now. You are mourning the lost of your nan. Please be kind and gentle with yourself. There is no wrong way or right way. You must do what is right for yourself and take as much time as you need to process your thoughts and emotions.

Its been six months since my father passed away and I still struggle. I have tried counselling, grief support groups and reading different websites.

I returned to work two weeks after my dad's passing but it was not easy. I don't think we can ever go back to what we thought was normal. We have to adjust to a new normal. A lot of friends have told me it will take a long time. It takes time to find our joy again. I try to do a little bit every day. Small things. And try to build from there.

Sending you love and hugs during this difficult time.

[missdad]

I am so sorry for your loss. It’s very hard. I am only five weeks from losing my dad, so I don’t have any great insight or advice. Unfortunately, there is not much that eases the void of losing someone we love. Everyone is different, so what seems to help me may not help you. But I’ll offer what is easing a bit of my sorrow. I am trying to find a way to still have my dad a part of my life. This is important to me. I don’t want to feel like he just does not exist anymore. So, I am picking charities to donate in his memory every other month and talking about him when I feel like it to family. Now this part may seem odd, but I also talk to him. For the most part, I believe in an afterlife. So, I talk with him and try to picture what he would say back. I plan to keep him a part of holidays, like having a mass said for him, visiting the grave, that type of thing. Even just sitting and remembering something you did together keeps their memory alive.  My point is, to find a way to still have a connection. It will be different for sure, but that relationship does not have to end because a person moves to heaven. Even if you don’t believe in an afterlife, I think there are ways to connect.

I would also say; a grief group may help. It won’t make you miss your nan any less. But it can give you a different perspective or tools to cope. I am finding a grief group to be like a buffet. You won’t like everything, but there may be a bit here and there that is useful.

Lastly, try to take it one day at a time. When I think of living without my dad for the next 30 or 40 years it feels so empty. Just focus on getting through one day at a time. In reality, none of us know how long we have. You actually honor your loved one by living and enjoying life. Our time here is brief and life is to be lived. It’s not easy, but you’ll find your way.