Any advice on surviving the funeral?? HELP!

[completelylost]

Hi, my Nans funeral is next week and I can't bare to think about it.

She wanted to be buried which is why that is what i have arranged for her but my own fears are coming in. I'm severely claustrophobic, I feel sick about putting her in a box 6 feet under and burying her in. I know it sounds daft but i keep saying ' she wont be able to get out' and coming up with crazy scenarios where she might not really be dead and her spirit is simply trapped in her because her body isn't functioning. I have no idea why i am thinking this way, i know it it completely irrational. I guess i am just struggling with the fact that i have no idea where my Nan has gone. Religion and science are offering me little comfort.

I went to say my final goodbye to her yesterday in the chapel of rest and it was an experience that i can not decide if it was of benefit to me or not. I got everything off my chest to her after calming down which was good. I read my letter to her and held her hand but the woman i was looking at scared me at first and that has never happened to me before. Even when i saw her the day of her death with eyes wide open and mouth open also she never scared me. She looked like a wax work doll, her body was so stiff and so cold and the coffin was so small. She had zero room extra!! 

I am so worried as when i see that coffin in the church next week i am not going to be able to picture anything but how she looks inside it. I keep telling myself that that woman in there is no longer my Nan but then i get more upset that i don't know where she's gone. I can not accept that we just disappear after death. 

I am then worried about visiting the grave for the same reason that i am going to look at the patch of grass and picture my Nan's beautiful face trapped in a box just beneath it. 

How did you all find the funeral? Did any of you tell yourselves anything to make it easier? I do not want to be worried and scared of visiting her grave or attending her funeral.

Please help someone. Thanks

[Augustgirl]

I can really relate to a lot of what you have said. My dad died last October and many of the same thoughts have gone through my head too. At his funeral I looked at his coffin and I thought about how awful he would be feeling in there, in such a cool, dark space, feeling claustrophobic and unable to move. Rationally, I know that he's dead and can't have these thoughts, but it didn't stop me from thinking them. I just wanted to get him out of the coffin to somewhere lighter and brighter!

We cremated my Dad and when we buried his ashes I also thought about how lonely he would be feeling stuck six feet under in a cemetery of dead people with no one to talk to and without his family. I would feel guilty walking away from his grave after a visit as though I was abandoning him.

Another aspect that I've found quite distressing is not knowing what happens to a person when they die. I'm not religious so I don't believe people go to heaven or that there's some kind of afterlife. I don't believe we ever get to see our loved ones again. I really wish I did, but I just don't. The thought that my Dad is simply 'nothing' now is so difficult to accept and I feel a physical pain in my chest when I think about it. If I knew that there was some kind of afterlife where my Dad was surrounded by people and love, even if I never got to see him again,  I could deal with his death more easily. Sadly, I believe he's lying under a pile of soil, alone and in the dark,with no thoughts, feelings or happiness.

It's now almost seven months since I lost my Dad and these irrational feelings seem to have mostly gone. They've been an important part of the grieving process so far. Allow yourself to have these thoughts. It's been beneficial to post my 'irrational' thoughts on this site and I found that there were quite a few others who had similar feelings. It's very normal.