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Karen Jean

Recent loss of my 25 year-old son

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My 25 year-old son passed away almost 3 weeks ago of an accidental overdose.  It is beyond me why this has happened.  He was a free spirit and full of life, and I'm not sure how I will ever get over this.  I am back to work after being out since the incident, and the grief is physically painful.  The worse part is that I feel guilt-ridden that somehow I should have been able to prevent this. 

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Karen....am so...so sorry to hear about your boy....I lost my oldest son, John David, in 2012...he was 42....massive heart attack while very ill. I believe all parents...no matter how their child died feels guilty...but I also believe that if there was ever razor shart tools in the toolbox of the devil/evil it would be guilt, shame, remorse and regret. We feel guilty because we could not save them....and when your child has addiction issues...I think it would feel like watching your child slowly fall off a very high cliff....your arms aren't strong enough to catch them...your feet can't run fast enough to reach them. I am just letting you know that the guilt is normal...and when you are not in such a thick fog and can think clearly....you will then think in a different way...for all parents would have moved heaven and earth to save their child. I don't think a parent ever gets over it....but we do get through it. I also had lots of physical pain and then I knew that the term..'broken heart' was for real.

Please..go to Loss of Adult Child...that is where I go to....there are many active parents on that site...that will reach out to you with care and compassion. Many parents on that site has lost a child to overdose...so you will find many that walk in your shoes and understand your kind of grief.

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Karen I also recommend you come to the adult child site. There not only many in your shoes but you will find we all feel guilty. My son died as a passenger in a car wreck in another state and I still felt guilty. My job as a mother is to protect that child's life down to giving my own and I failed. My child died. There was nothing any of us could do but the guilt persists. My good friend lost her son to overdose. The what could I have done haunts her even though there was nothing just like suicide or when it comes down to it car wrecks. It OS beyond our control and all the love in the world couldn't have changed it. You are at the rawest darkest hours of your life. Come to the other forum. The people there I am sure saved my life when I was at my deepest despair. I am so sorry your boy has left you my heart goes out to you.

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Karen  can't begin to tell you how sorry I am for the loss of your precious son.  I feel guilty that I didn't get to the bathroom sooner when I heard my daughter fall and died of a cardiac arrhythmia. I think deep down we all know we would have moved heaven and earth to save our child. But guilt always seem to squeeze its way in.  I think you are back to work way to early. Can u get anymore time off?  Yes there r so many physical pains that go along with grief.  Lots of them as well as the emotional pains.  You r so raw in your suffering. Please keep coming her and let us help you. This site is full of kind caring compassionate people who have been where you r.  Please let us all help you.  Go to lost of an adult child to sign on. 

Hang in there.  It's a lot work but you can do it. Take care of yourself right now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Karen~

i was so sorry to read of the accidental death of your dear son ~

no words can smooth or even comfort you in a real way at this time in your loss

except to say that you are not alone

others here know the nightmare of losing their child no matter the age

i have lost two sons

one to a motorcycle accident & the other by suicide

how I am still here is beyond my understanding 

by all rights I should be dead myself

its been a long time since the initial losses yet

just recently I came thru another emotional crises over the thoughts and feeling thAt

go along with a mother losing her child for how does a mother live when shes' lost her heart ?

there is a sentace from the movie  fried green tomatoes that goes something like this

in reguards to the loss of a beloved childhood friend ~ 

"a heart can be broken but still go on a beating just the same "

i suspect you now know this feeling

i sure still do too

keep posting all you need to say and all your feelings

after each of my dear sons died a web site is what saved me and helped me as I had not 

one person who I could talk to that knew how to respond to a broken hearted mother

i care

i've walked in the shoes you just aquired

pleade please do whatever you need to to make it thru the days ahead

i felt tremendous guilt for a long time especially towards the suicide 

for one seems to need to blame someone  something   

forgive me if I am rambling

it just breaks my heart each time I hear of another person who lost a child no matter the age 

RAiNiE

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Karenjean so sorry you lost your precious boy it is life altering and something you would not wish on your worst enemy. I don't think there is any way you could have prevented what happened although you have not shared too many details yet. We have at least one other parent who lost a son to accidental overdose, and there are also several parents who lost their child to an addiction so i think on the Loss of an Adult Child thread mentioned by two of our members you may find connections and support. Take care

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Karen,

I am very sorry for the loss of your precious son!  Life will never be same again.  You are so right the pain in physical.  I am proud of you that you were able yo return to work, it's been a year for me and I can't even think about dealing with work.  I pray GOD keeps his loving arms around you and hold you tight.  We are here on this site to listen and share.

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Hello Karen, I share the same guilt you feel. My daughter passed away at age 24 due to accidental overdose. I keep replaying that day over in my head, thinking to myself that if I would of drove to her house in the morning like I was suppose to. I could have saved her. I understand your pain

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amyanne03 hello. I am sorry for your pain in the loss of your daughter. Join us all on the thread loss of an Adult child. We have many members who can listen to you and offer support. No one knows when their child will pass so please don't beat yourself up because you arrived later than you had planned. I don't know your story details but when people overdose they fall asleep and that is it. The medical examiner may find the cause to be something in addition, like drowning or a fall or choking on vomit etc but the fact remains that she would not have known what was going on around her. As parents we are used to helping our kids out and putting them first and helping to fix their problems. When a child dies it is instinctive behaviour to put blame upon ourselves but that is pretty destructive thinking. A parent on our thread was wishing she could have been there when her child passed, and another parent responded with that they were and doing CPR which sadly failed was even more traumatic. There is no "better" scenario i am afraid we just have to deal with what was handed to us and that is more than enough to cope with isn't it? my son had just turned 24 when he was killed trying to save his suicidal friend so i know that feeling of thinking you got them through babyhood, toddlerhood, and adolescence, to a grownup and they should be ok. I struggle with Tommy not reaching his full potential, his dreams and ambitions unfulfilled, and that  our family has to go on with one member missing permanently which is very hard.Sharing is a step toward recovery and that is good. please join us and share more about your precious young girl as you feel able ok?

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Tommy's mum, thank you for the ease on my mind about the possibility of my daughter passing peacefully.. I stay awake many nights thinking about that night and how it went.. I try to block it out but I can't.. So thank you for that information about accidental over dose. I do hear other stories that I believe are worse than mine and wonder to myself "could I handle that?" and honestly I really don't think I could. The pain of losing one of our children is so unbearable and so UN-explainable unless that person has been through it also. I am glad I found this group...I struggle with the same thing as you do with your son.. Their full potential..Their dreams...It is such a painful thing.. an indescribable pain ... Everything that one of my granddaughters do I cry..I hurt.. thinking about my daughter, their mother..

 

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Amyanne03 you will be ok because you are stronger than you know, we all are and we help each other to get through. your daughter left you her most precious things, her children, so they can ease your grief by leaving a piece of herself behind. You can watch them grow and acheive and your daughter will still be there beside you just out of sight.766b733bd184e4769fc8df886a8e848f.jpg.d0cd73c151ee0c5ec116b2bd9f51ba7d.jpg10958091_613836552082886_700062229763761525_n1-768x768.jpg.dfdcd4876f8c5c9049b2f4c098cb7aab.jpg

 

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