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Lost my darling shi tzu boy thirteen years old


Betsy

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I have never been in so much pain as I am still.  I rescued Darby in 2006 and he was the most wonderful dog.  He was sweet to all but he loved me most and I loved him back.  And so amazingly cute as only shih tzus can be.   He got old and then got sick and I did everything I could for him but what can one do when a dog has multiple problems and is getting worse.  I couldn't let him suffer and so I was there with him when the end came.  I thought it would be a relief that he wasn't suffering but all I know is that I continue to suffer from his loss.   I can't think straight and cry every time I think of him.  I want to move forward and get another little dog to ease the pain but I can't get myself together even to do that.  Can anybody out there give advice as to what to do to cope with this?   I live by myself, and am older woman with no kids but still dealing with an ancient mother who unfortunately drives me crazy with her well meaning advice.  She cannot understand why I am so unhappy and in so much pain.  I don't really understand it myself.  

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Betsy, You lost your best friend and loyal companion, the pain is devastating. I am so sorry about Darby. You did the utmost loving, unselfish thing a pet parent can do. He was suffering with multiple problems and you helped him cross the rainbow bridge. Our pets are an extension of family, similar as to having children. We miss their presence, personality and loving companionship. When they go on to Heaven, they leave a lonely, empty void. There isn't much advice I can give. There are no words adequate to ease your pain. You will grieve for Darby for awhile. Eventually, you will be able to remember him with a smile instead of pain. I wouldn't advise getting another pet until you have had time to absorb and process the loss of Darby. I do not know why your mother doesn't understand your grieving. She should be supporting you in your loss. Did she have pets of her own? People who have never had pets or didn't allow for bonding with any animals do not understand a loss such as this.  Prayers of comfort and peace. It will get easier over time.

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Betsy,

Of course you're in pain, you lost your companion and best friend, the one that was in your life on a day to day basis.  Shih Tzus are indeed adorable.  Getting another dog might help some of the void, it of course will never replace your Darby but would win a way into your heart of its own.  If a person isn't a dog lover and hasn't been through it themself, they can't begin to understand.  I've heard it said that the degree we love is the degree with which we grieve.

I've had so much loss in my life and I don't know any way to minimize the grief, and you can't circumvent it, it's still waiting for you when you come to.  If there was a way to I would have found it by now.  It hurts, and all I know to do is one day at a time.  I tell myself I only need to do today and then the next day do it all over again.  As someone else coined, one foot in front of the other.

As KMB said, it gets easier once we get more used to it, we get better and coping and adjusting.  It helps to memorialize them or honor them in some way.  You will know when it's the right time to get another dog.  When I lost my Lucky in 2008, I gave myself time to grieve and in 2009 I got my Arlie.  I can't imagine being without him but I know someday I'll have to go through this again and I think it will be even harder as we're like soulmates if there was such a thing with dogs, meaning he's the perfect dog for me, goofy, loving, smart, just everything in the world to me.  I will get another dog when he goes but not right away, I'll want time to grieve him.  I don't think we ever "get over" them but we do get more used to it.

I'm so sorry for your loss, I know the pain.

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MissingMyfurbaby

On Friday 21st April I woke up to one of the worse days of my life. My beautiful cat Woody, not yet even 7, was broken. He'd suffered an embolism which had paralysed him and left him screaming in pain. We wrapped him in a towel, rushed him to the vet. He couldn't be fixed,  the vet advised euthanasia and I couldn't bear to see my gorgeous boy in so much pain. I was with him when he went, practically lay on top of him, endlessly kissing his face, and I felt him go. I'm totally and utterly devastated. Cannot stop crying. His presence is everywhere. I think I'm also in shock at how I lost him, I'd never heard of saddle thrombus before. He helped me through some of the roughest years of my life, helped me through mental health problems, through my degree, helped me raise and love my children, and now he's gone I feel,  and our home feels, incredibly empty. I have two other cats but Woody was everyone's baby. What I'm trying to say is..I feel your pain. Anyone that wants to invalidate my grief over losing my cat can naff off. I almost feel sorry so such people to have never had the amazing connection to animals that we did with our furbabies. With regards to getting another pet, I'm torn too. There is this hole in my heart and I miss him dreadfully but will getting a new cat help me? He wouldn't be Woody so I dont know how. I just want my cat back. Maybe one day our hearts will mend and we will be ready to have them stolen away again. I feel like getting a pet,  welcoming them and enmeshing them into your lives is basically allowing yourself to be heartbroken sometime in the future, and I'd rather have this pain and have had him in my life for 7 years than to not have had him at all. Cry as much and for as long as you need to, I certainly plan on it. Much love to you. 

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Betsy, I am going through exactly the same pain as you are and i'm sorry for your loss. I adopted Riley, i called him my Boo Boo, 4 years ago at the ripe old age of 14, he was a couple of months shy of 18  He was partially sighted and was deaf, but he was the smartest little boy ever, and he was little, he was 5 pounds.  I was a full time carer to him, he was my everything, i loved him as much as he loved me. I never thought the day would come that i would need to make "that" decision, i still cant believe i did. We had a Dr from Lap of Love come to our home on April 18th to assist Riley over the rainbow bridge, i laid on the bed with him and had my face up against his as he left me.  I cant sleep in the bedroom right now that Boo and i shared.  I wonder how am i supposed to go on without him. This has actually impacted me more than when i lost my father. I have never felt a pain or loss like i feel right now, i have sobbed hysterically, i have panic attacks knowing that im not going to hold him or smother him with kisses. Its awful.  Im tired of people saying "he had a great life, you gave him the best care in his final years, you did the best thing for him"  I dont care about that, i just want my Boo back. Knowing that other people are suffering the same pain doesn't make it any easier to bare.  I made a butterfly garden for Riley, it seemed to help for a minute, and this was because i was back to doing something for him as i did for every day over the last 4 years.  Riley too had multiple ailments in the end, he had an enlarged spleen which was causing other issues. I have an appointment with a pet bereavement counselor in a few weeks, i know its some ways off, but that was the soonest i could get an appointment. We just need to continue our grief until god willing, we start to heal.  All i want is my Boo back.

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Amanda,

I feel your pain, I am so sorry for your loss.  I know there's nothing people can say or do to make you feel better, there is now only learning to adjust to a life without the one you love in it.  Riley was in your everyday life, he was the one you interacted with, the one you shared much love with, so it's understandable to me how you could miss him even more than your father, it's how I feel about my dog.  I hope you are able to get some help with the grief counselor, I'm sorry you have to wait so long.

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Amamda. Little Riley IS adorable. You can see his love and soul in his eyes. I am so sorry for your loss. I know the pain and empty void of losing pets. We miss them and what they brought to our lives. Riley will be waiting for you and you will spend eternity together. That is my consolation for myself when I have lost a pet. I'll have a lot of pets waiting for me. No matter the pain of grieving, I am one of those people that needs a pet or two always in my life. I cannot seem to fully function without furbabies. Your butterfly garden is a wonderful memorial for Riley.

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On 4/17/2017 at 0:26 PM, Betsy said:

I have never been in so much pain as I am still.  I rescued Darby in 2006 and he was the most wonderful dog.  He was sweet to all but he loved me most and I loved him back.  And so amazingly cute as only shih tzus can be.   He got old and then got sick and I did everything I could for him but what can one do when a dog has multiple problems and is getting worse.  I couldn't let him suffer and so I was there with him when the end came.  I thought it would be a relief that he wasn't suffering but all I know is that I continue to suffer from his loss.   I can't think straight and cry every time I think of him.  I want to move forward and get another little dog to ease the pain but I can't get myself together even to do that.  Can anybody out there give advice as to what to do to cope with this?   I live by myself, and am older woman with no kids but still dealing with an ancient mother who unfortunately drives me crazy with her well meaning advice.  She cannot understand why I am so unhappy and in so much pain.  I don't really understand it myself.  

I'm so sorry for the loss of your pet. I know your pain. I spent the first week crying and moping. I was a basket case. What you're feeling is normal. People that don't have pets don't understand so don't look to them for that. Maybe another pet would be good company for you and the lady you live with? Maybe she's lonely too. Pets are very soothing for that. If you get another or when however, is up to you. Some people need to fill the void immediately and others need to wait awhile. Your mother sounds like mine. I've learned not to expect certain things from her that she cannot give. Then im not frustrated and disappointed. Keep posting on this board. It will help you. Peace.

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