JasmineMarie

Lost my beautiful 10 month old puppy

12 posts in this topic

(Sorry for spelling errors I'm very shaken)

Yesterday I lost my beautiful 10 month old lab x Spaniel puppy in a car accident, he pulled off the latch on his harness in an open park - and stupidly I didn't run to catch him as he was used to being off the lead and he was an extremely fast, agile dog. 

After a Minute I went to fetch him, hoping he'd of tired himself out on the field, as he's stayed a relatively close distance to me (no more than 6ft) 
but he hadn't and instantly bolted towards the top of the park (a long distance - roughly the length of a football field - a distance he's never bolted before) towards the road. I chased him but held back knowing that the more you chase they think it's a game. I tried enticing him back with food but he'd seen a female dog on the other side of the road and kept running. 
The owners of the dog played with him whilst I ran towards to road to get to him - I kept screaming grab his harness - but they ignored me. All of a sudden, the usually quiet road became full with about 8 cars. Alfie managed to weave through many - I tried everything I could to get him away from the road, I even ran in front of cars. Unluckily, his was hit by a car and skidded down the road. He seemed okay - everybody on the road stopped and people ran out to help. 
He was conscious and began wagging his tail when he saw me. Nothing was broken but he was bleeding from his mouth. I carried him and the driver of the car that hit him took us to the emergency vet. 
Everyone seemed optimistic he'd be ok - he was in shock but x-rays showed no damage and thy assured me the bleeding from his mouth was a broken tooth. They said there was slight fluid on his lungs that they'd investigate - so they sent me home because I was too in shock. I kissed him on his cheek and his little tail was wagging to see me - even when he was dying he was still wagging his tail and happy to see me 
I refused to leave and stayed in the waiting room for an hour, thinking that the IV drip, ext.. would magically save him. When the vet called me in, I was expecting her to say he was ok. But he'd died suddenly. His lungs filled with blood and when they tried to drain it his little tiny heart gave up. 
I stayed with his body for hours just screaming, I felt him go from warm and soft to cold and stiff, but I never wanted to leave my baby. 

I haven't eaten, slept or drank since the accident. It's my first experience of death (I'm 19) and I feel like it's entirely my fault. I keep asking the questions: 
- Why did I take him out? If we stayed in he'd be Alive 
-why didn't I wait for my mum to come home to walk him? 
- why didn't I chase him as soon as the latch on his lead to his harness disconnected? 
-why didn't the family across the road grab him when I asked 
-why didn't I run more amongst the cars to get him? 

I feel like this is more than guilt and grief, I feel like dying. I can't cope with the feeling of this loss and I was it was me who'd been hit and not him. He was so young and was a perfect sweet puppy - he deserved so many more years and I feel like I stole them off him. I feel like it was all my fault. 
I'm struggling to cope without him round the house with my mum; he used to sleep on our beds, watch TV with us, follow us to the toilet, watch us do our makeup, kiss our feet when we just came out the shower, slump against us with all his weight (he was a very heavy muscular pup) we'd go on long walks and he recently began enjoying to swim. It sounds silly but he was like my best friend, and my mum would joke that he was her son and my brother :(

Everyone, including my mum, family and the vets told me it wasn't my fault; that it was an accident; that there was no way I'd of been able to catch him when he'd bolted that far (it was completely out of character for him) and that if I'd ran in to the road more I'd of been hit. But I just don't believe it - I honestly don't know how I can go on with these feelings of guilt that I'd taken away what was supposed to be a long and happy life for him. When I picked him up off the road he wagged his tail, licked my face and snuggled his face in to my shoulder (something he hadn't done since he was a tiny tiny pup) - he must've been so scared and I can't even imagine what he thought of me at the time:(

IMG_1253.PNG

IMG_1254.PNG

IMG_1255.PNG

IMG_1276.PNG

IMG_1278.PNG

IMG_1294.JPG

 

IMG_2430.JPG

IMG_2345.PNG

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am so sorry, it's the most horrible feeling in the world to lose the one you love.  All of those questions are moot, you did the right things, it just didn't work out.  There's no way you could have foreseen any of this, you acted responsibly.  If you'd chased him harder he would have run harder.  The other people may not have heard or understood you.  I'm sorry the car was going so fast they couldn't break in time, but I'm glad they stopped and took you and him to the vet.

We have routines with our animals and when they're gone it is very hard to get used to that routine being changed, it's a reminder of our loss, of their absence.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am so sorry for your loss, the pain of losing someone so close is incredibly difficult, but under difficult circumstances it is even harder. We lost our Tuffy at only 5 years old, and we aren't even sure what happened to this day, he just collapsed. I literally just had a melt down over missing him, and I question why, the pain has not let up, but things happen that we have no control over.  The only thing I cling to is that someday he and I will be reunited. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am so sorry for what has happened. I am with you given similarities to what has happened although because of your ordeal I know you will fill yourself with hindsight and a terrible memory. I am trying to tell myself through all the pain that we have tried with all the good intent in the world to give our pets the best life possible. Our world is so much more dangerous for them and their innocence melts our hearts but we must understand that tradegy with young animals is always always so close without us ever being able to realistically be 100% aware of 100% of the time. We are part of the small random percentage who have to suffer these tradegies but....

I am telling myself we surely must become stronger wiser people in the long run who will be able to give a future pet an even better life for them and also us. We will cherish more moments and we will be more safe and more secure all the thanks to those amazing animals that we have sadly lost but will never forget. I hope alfie and percy are like heroes for future animals in our lives. I wish we could fast forward a year but we have to go through right now. Thanks to the commenters on here I believe we will be ok with time and clear thinking. All the best. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Jasmine, I'm so sorry to hear about what happened. 

I lost my 1 year old Sprocker Hope on Wednesday. We went to the park which we go to almost daily as a specific area is for dogs off leads and she was always really good off the lead and never ran off. She would always run around and play with a stick or her ball but always stayed within a few metres of me. 

On this unfortunate day she spotted a crow flying low and bolted after it, she kept running and ran out of the open gate straight onto the main road and was hit by a car. It happened so quickly I can't get her piercing yelp out of my head and my scream calling her back. I keep questioning my every move asking what if. 

I have restored faith in humanity as some lovely ladies brought blankets out and took us to the nearest vets but they were unable to save her life. This pain of losing my girl is Heartbreaking I feel like my heart has been ripped out and just wish I could change things. 

I feel racked with guilt I was so upset yesterday because it was raining!? I just wish it was raining on Wednesday and not sunny as we wouldn't have gone to the park. People also tell me to stop questioning and blaming myself but I can't. 

I cant get the accident and flashbacks out of my head. 

I hope that you are okay and the grief gets easier for you. 

Stacy x 

IMG_4085.PNG

IMG_4086.PNG

IMG_4088.PNG

IMG_4093.PNG

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 21/04/2017 at 0:25 PM, Stacy P said:

Hi Jasmine, I'm so sorry to hear about what happened. 

I lost my 1 year old Sprocker Hope on Wednesday. We went to the park which we go to almost daily as a specific area is for dogs off leads and she was always really good off the lead and never ran off. She would always run around and play with a stick or her ball but always stayed within a few metres of me. 

On this unfortunate day she spotted a crow flying low and bolted after it, she kept running and ran out of the open gate straight onto the main road and was hit by a car. It happened so quickly I can't get her piercing yelp out of my head and my scream calling her back. I keep questioning my every move asking what if. 

I have restored faith in humanity as some lovely ladies brought blankets out and took us to the nearest vets but they were unable to save her life. This pain of losing my girl is Heartbreaking I feel like my heart has been ripped out and just wish I could change things. 

I feel racked with guilt I was so upset yesterday because it was raining!? I just wish it was raining on Wednesday and not sunny as we wouldn't have gone to the park. People also tell me to stop questioning and blaming myself but I can't. 

I cant get the accident and flashbacks out of my head. 

I hope that you are okay and the grief gets easier for you. 

Stacy x 

IMG_4085.PNG

IMG_4086.PNG

IMG_4088.PNG

IMG_4093.PNG

So sorry to hear about little Hope :( Your situation seems to mirror mine exactly - I never realised how unpredictable pups could be :( Alfie was also always good off the lead. You and Hope seemed to have a similar bond to me and Alfie - Alfie loved cuddles and a selfie!

Hope was so stunning - she must've been pretty similar in Birth dates to our Alfie - the fact we've lost them so young is so painful, I always thought Alfie would be there when I graduate University, ext...

i cant stop the guilt and flashbacks either - the look on their scared little faces. But I've found comfort in the fact that my face was the last Alfie saw and he realised how much he was loved in his last moments. I've also been made to feel better about the guilt by people telling me that Alfie's sudden impulse to bolt could've happened at any time, such as when my mum walked him. But the guilt that it happened on my watch stays

we can just be thankful that their short life on their earth was spent being loved by us unconditionally I guess. I hope things are feeling better for you too and your feelings of guilt and grief are easing. A week on since losing Alf my negative feelings are more like a rollercoaster of happy memories / Grief rather than just pure guilt and sadness. Time heals but we'll never forget our babies. I've never been one to think about the concept of heaven, but I'm sure if there is our Alfie and Hope would be the best of friends 

best wishes 

jasmine x

IMG_2436.PNG

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 20/04/2017 at 6:04 PM, Anthony said:

I am so sorry for what has happened. I am with you given similarities to what has happened although because of your ordeal I know you will fill yourself with hindsight and a terrible memory. I am trying to tell myself through all the pain that we have tried with all the good intent in the world to give our pets the best life possible. Our world is so much more dangerous for them and their innocence melts our hearts but we must understand that tradegy with young animals is always always so close without us ever being able to realistically be 100% aware of 100% of the time. We are part of the small random percentage who have to suffer these tradegies but....

I am telling myself we surely must become stronger wiser people in the long run who will be able to give a future pet an even better life for them and also us. We will cherish more moments and we will be more safe and more secure all the thanks to those amazing animals that we have sadly lost but will never forget. I hope alfie and percy are like heroes for future animals in our lives. I wish we could fast forward a year but we have to go through right now. Thanks to the commenters on here I believe we will be ok with time and clear thinking. All the best. 

I've just read your post about little Percy, I'm so sorry :( i definitley agree with what you say about the future - I don't think I'll buy another lead from the brand I bought Alfie's lead from, and I'll probably walk along the country routes as opposed to the city ones in the future. It's so sad to lose them so young - but at least in their short lives they where so loved 

Time is healing the pain but we will never forget them, this forum has helped me so much too

best wishes

jasmine

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 17/04/2017 at 3:46 PM, KayC said:

I am so sorry, it's the most horrible feeling in the world to lose the one you love.  All of those questions are moot, you did the right things, it just didn't work out.  There's no way you could have foreseen any of this, you acted responsibly.  If you'd chased him harder he would have run harder.  The other people may not have heard or understood you.  I'm sorry the car was going so fast they couldn't break in time, but I'm glad they stopped and took you and him to the vet.

We have routines with our animals and when they're gone it is very hard to get used to that routine being changed, it's a reminder of our loss, of their absence.

 

Thank you for your words and for sharing the video. I just felt so helpless in the situation, there was nothing I could've done but he was my baby - I felt like I should've been able to do something

this forum has helped so much in the grieving process - I feel like my memories of him will be more happy rather than sad and of loss

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 18/04/2017 at 11:41 PM, exit30 said:

I am so sorry for your loss, the pain of losing someone so close is incredibly difficult, but under difficult circumstances it is even harder. We lost our Tuffy at only 5 years old, and we aren't even sure what happened to this day, he just collapsed. I literally just had a melt down over missing him, and I question why, the pain has not let up, but things happen that we have no control over.  The only thing I cling to is that someday he and I will be reunited. 

That's so sad, poor little thing :( it's awful when it happens so suddenly. You can't prepare for it, I look back and think "this time last week he was here" "when this show was last on TV he was here" ext..

i feel like the pain will always be there but it just becomes more bearable. I too hope that one day we will all be reunited, to see Alfie's little face and his happy little tail would be amazing

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A whole month since I lost alfie and I still cry over him everyday. I've not focused in my exams and I've excluded myself from people. I just want my silky sweet puppy back. It would've been his first birthday next week

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh JasmineMarie, I'm so sorry.  I know it's hard, I wish there were words to comfort you but they all sound hollow.  (((hugs)))

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now