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missdad

How do you just get rid of stuff?

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Since my dad died, my mom is cleaning out his stuff. I have taken a few things and she has given others away and thrown stuff out. But now the bank wants her to take his name off the checking account and his name is coming off other legal things. It’s not even a month yet, it’s like he is ceasing to exist. I know he is not alive, but it’s like we are erasing his existence and I hate it. You’re here for a time and then gone and any trace of his life is gradually being erased. I don’t even know if I am asking anything here. I guess I just wondered how you all dealt with clearing out stuff and not feel like you were erasing him from ever being here.

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Hi missdad...So sorry for your loss.

I don't know how it works where you live but when my mum passed away I had only a few weeks by law to sort out all the legal stuff, like the deeds of the house, bills etc.  I also had a massive clear out after my mum passed but it need doing as my mum didn't throw nothing away for over 40 years. Everyone deals with grief in different ways though, maybe that is the way your mom found to deal with her loss?  Sending a hug your way. 

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My dad passed a month ago and yes, clearing it all out can seem kind of abrupt. For instance there was a bed hospice brought in and all kinds of gadgets and things for his breathing. The carpet in the room had been protected by sheets of plastic and I had moved a TV in there as well. He passed in the morning around 10:00 and by 12:00 he'd been carted off by the funeral home and the room had been returned to pre-hospice condition. It really made the point that the body is not the person.

Now my mom is stressed because my dad never threw anything away. She's overwhelmed with the amount of stuff she has to sort through. She wants to just pitch everything.

I had a neighbor pass earlier this year. A week after his death his wife had all his clothes in bags sitting by the road waiting for the homeless shelter to pick up. 

 

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Dear missdad,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know its not easy seeing your mom go through everything and parting with so much. Glad you were able to keep a few things that meant a great deal to you.

I hear you. I feel the same way, I feel like by giving away my dad's belongings or dealing with all the paperwork, I am some how erasing him from my memory. Its a struggle to come to terms with his passing and it has been six months.

I did donate a lot to the homeless shelter. I felt that that was a good way to honor his memory.  I do have a few items left but even those are painful to see because it reminds me that my dad is truly gone. I go back and forth on this issue. Part of me already regrets what I gave away and yet I know I have to move forward as well.

Sorry for your pain and sorrow. Take care and please let us know how you are doing. Sending you hugs.

 

 

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Zita, Kraquin. Reader, thanks for responding. I am sorry for your losses as well. Grief is so odd, because one minute I’ll be accepting and at peace and other times, like today, I am so sad. I just miss him. It's only a month tomorrow, but nothing feels the same. I guess that’s how it goes. But talking here helps. You’re good people to offer support in the mist of your own sorrow.  Thank you for that.

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