Fiancé passed at 23

[AshleyLauren]

My fiancé passed march 22,2017

he was the love of my life and we have twin 7 month old boys. He was only 23 years old and passed from brain swelling and bleeding due to a seizure he had causing him to bang his head on the concrete. I'm completely lost and don't know what to do with my self. Our boys look just like him it's hard to look at them without breaking down. Everyday that passes I miss him more and more. Just trying to figure out what will help with this pain .. will I ever be able to function without him ? Will this pain ever subside ? I feel so bad for our boys they won't even remember their daddy (besides stories I tell) or have him to grow with. I've never felt this way before I just wanna be with him in his arms. It doesn't seem real he's gone I'm completely broken and just need advice on what has helped others through this. 

[KMB]

AshleyLauren,  Your little ones are adorable. You can see their resemblance to their daddy. That resemblance, personality traits, etc.will bring you much comfort and joy down the road .It is painful and heartbreaking for you right now I know. I'm sorry for your beloveds tragic loss and at such a young age. It is unfair.

I hope you have support and help from family and friends. The little ones are a handful and you need time to take care of yourself. By taking care of your needs, you will have the strength to take care of the little ones. They will need you and your fiance' would want you to take care of yourself and his boys.I'm sure he is watching over all 3 of you from Heaven. Sending his love and strength to you. He'll be that inner voice guiding you along the way.

There is really nothing no one can do or say to take away your pain. By coming to this forum and reaching out, is a first step on this new journey you are on. You can rant, cry, whatever you need to express, you can do it here. We listen and offer support, kind words of comfort and suggestions if you ask for anything.

Prayers of comfort, peace and hugs to you all.

[KayC]

AshleyLauren,

I am so sorry, he looks so bright and happy, so young, and you're right, the boys do look like him, what smiles!

The pain will eventually die down into a dull ache that you live with, the ache of missing him.  You do eventually get used to it, although I can't tell you how long it'll take (quite a while), everyone is different, but you will miss him always.  The love you share continues, even death cannot destroy that.  

Take one day at a time, break it down into one minute if you need to, try not to think about the rest of your life, today is enough to handle.  It does help to know you are heard, so I hope you'll keep coming here and voicing yourself, we're all walking this journey together.  

Self care is really important too, at a time when you feel like it the least, we need to eat healthy, exercise (you probably get plenty with the babies), our brains need all the help they can get to get through this.

Hugs!

[Francine]

 

AshleyLauren --  I am so very sorry for your loss.  The boys are gorgeous, the splitting image of their dad.  Of course you miss him, he was your fiance, your love, your world; the father of those beautiful babies; you're suppose to miss him and you will.  Miss him to the point that your world seems to have come to an end.  Nothing is going to help the pain - it will somewhat lesson, but will always be there.  The hardest part of losing someone, isn't having to say goodbye, but rather learning to live without them.  Always trying to fill the void the emptiness that's left inside of your heart.  The reality is you will not 'get over' him, you will learn to live without him.  Someday, you just might heal and rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered.  You will be *whole* again (whatever than means) but you will never be the same, nor should you be, nor would you want to be. 

There's somethings in this world we are not meant to understand.  It is so evident how much love you had for your fiance and the pain is literally killing you but you must be strong for the boys - they need you (you all need each other); they're depending on you and you can't afford to let them down. The love you two shared will always be - it is in the form of two beautiful angels  - nothing can ever change that. 

Your fiance has entrusted you to raise his sons and you must not disappoint him - I know you won't.   You might encounter many defeats, but you are not defeated - you are strong and must carry on - not just for yourself but for the children.   Make sure they know their father and the person he was.  Make sure they know the love the two of you shared.  Make sure they know that God assigned a special angel specifically for them - and that angel is their dad.  But most of all, and most importantly make sure they know their dad loves them and always will. 

Know that only God can turn a mess into a message; a test into a testimony a trial into a triumph, and a victim into a victory.  My prayer is that God give you the strength to make it through this difficult time - he will - just open your heart, he'll do the rest.   I hope you continue to post - there are amazing people on this forum that are here anytime you need to just talk, vent or cry.   Be Bless and Stay Strong

 

 

 

 

[M88]

Awe, Ashley Lauren, my heart aches for you.  I am so, so sorry for your loss.  Life can be so unfair.  And sudden death is very cruel for those left behind.  A lot of us know that 'unreal' feeling.  Our minds, bodies and souls are all deeply in shock and will continue to be for some time. 

You gave your fiancé three of the most precious gifts possible - your love, and two 'very special' adorable sons.  I bet his heart was full to bursting with love and pride.

It is understandable that you are breaking down when you look at your beautiful babies. They were born from the love you and your fiancé share and you will be grieving for their loss too.  It wasn't so long ago I was doing the same whenever I looked at and held my 6 month old twin step-grandchildren. It goes without saying that it will be much, much more difficult and painful for you.  You will gradually, without realizing it, break down less often and be able to really enjoy them again. 

Sadly, there are no shortcuts to get over the loss of a loved one.  The first few months are especially tough. Grief is a rollercoaster ride of emotions that we just have to go through, there is no way around it.  Grief counselling can help, as will looking at photos taken throughout your time together,  reading and rereading the lovely messages friends will have written in cards.  Talking about the death itself can also be healing. 

There are many grief books to choose from but for me, this forum is much more comforting, supportive and informative than any book I read.  What you read here is written from the hearts of those who understand first hand what the loss of a partner feels like and the challenges we face without them.  I'm glad you found the forum so soon.  It took me a long time.  

I do hope you have supportive family and friends around you.  Allow them to help you through this most traumatic time and to babysit as you will need time out to be alone with your thoughts and pain.  

We'll be here for you. 

Sending strength and hugs to you and your beautiful babies.