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Mrsviden

I just miss him...

67 posts in this topic

9 hours ago, HHFaith said:

 

I actually just got a tattoo of a text message from Pat he sent a few weeks before he died. It says "Have faith". A good reminder to me then and now, every time I look at my arm. 

Funny you mention that right adter my husband passed I got the trinity knot which was his company's logo and then I love you next to it written in his handwriting from an anniversary card he once gave me. I agree it's a good reminder to look down and read on the days you feel like there is no way out...

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I like that...a constant reminder to have faith.

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On 4/14/2017 at 8:54 PM, Mrsviden said:

If I'm not on here tomorrow I'd like to wish you a Happy Anniversary, I just experienced my first anniversary without my Joe here. I will be praying more than normal for you tomorrow as I know how hard tomorrow will be.

 

On 4/15/2017 at 10:56 AM, KayC said:

Francine, thinking of you today and hoping your day goes well.  I know how emotional it must feel.

On 4/15/17 at 10:57 AM, KMB said:

Francine, I am thinking of you today as you celebrate Charles and yours special day when you were united in marriage by God. Charles will be with you in spirit. God honors your union and love and someday you and Charles will be together again.

On 4/15/2017 at 0:20 AM, Andy said:

I need to see KMB, Francine, Panda, KayC, AceBasin and ALL the others here carry on, because it gives me hope that I too can carry on.

Thank you all for your well wishes on my anniversary.  I started the day attending my group grief session; although I had a meltdown, the members were so comforting and encouraging, I just felt so loved. Next, I visited Charles' final resting place along with my children and grandchildren.  We placed flowers on his grave site and released balloons (each in turn) along with some words reflecting our own personal remembrance of the husband, the dad, and the grand dad and how he touched our lives - that made me cry also, but that was a good cry.  Next, we dined at Charles favorite restaurant and celebrated our 45 wonderful years together - again I cried, but happy tears - finally, I attended the Holy Saturday services at church.  I got home around 11:00 PM only to get back up the next day (Easter) to start over again.    A day I thought would be a gloom and doom day turned out to be a celebration of the love I still have for a man God blessed me with or nearly 45 years.   All in all - a good day. 

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47 minutes ago, Francine said:

 

On 4/15/17 at 10:57 AM, KMB said:

Francine, I am thinking of you today as you celebrate Charles and yours special day when you were united in marriage by God. Charles will be with you in spirit. God honors your union and love and someday you and Charles will be together again.

Thank you all for your well wishes on my anniversary.  I started the day attending my group grief session; although I had a meltdown, the members were so comforting and encouraging, I just felt so loved. Next, I visited Charles' final resting place along with my children and grandchildren.  We placed flowers on his grave site and released balloons (each in turn) along with some words reflecting our own personal remembrance of the husband, the dad, and the grand dad and how he touched our lives - that made me cry also, but that was a good cry.  Next, we dined at Charles favorite restaurant and celebrated our 45 wonderful years together - again I cried, but happy tears - finally, I attended the Holy Saturday services at church.  I got home around 11:00 PM only to get back up the next day (Easter) to start over again.    A day I thought would be a gloom and doom day turned out to be a celebration of the love I still have for a man God blessed me with or nearly 45 years.   All in all - a good day. 

I'm so glad things turned out positive for you, and what a nice way to celebrate his and your life together. A good day indeed!

Hugs,

Andy

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Hey y'all...

Yesterday I went out to the cemetery to visit my husband and tell him happy Easter. There I noticed tractor marks on top of his grave which I thought was odd because he's there in an open space(no graves beside his) I know one day they are going to mow over it when grass grows but I got really upset by it. Today I decided to call the cemetery and ask the reasoning behind it and he said the following "it happens sometimes when we have to get in and out of other graves, I said right I understand that but no one is around him, it's as if y'all deliberately rolled over it, he continued and said well it's your responsibility to purchase a vault which will prevent damage to the casket, (by the way, I did purchase that) he then said this probably isn't the first or last time it will happen, that's part of life and I will just have to get over it and hung up on me. 

Today I'm still trying to recover from yesterday, I just miss my husband, I sit here in his spot and close my eyes and when I open them I can imagine him coming out of the bathroom with my toothbrush and saying "you ready to go to bed baby?" I just really really miss him. 

I've said it before and I'll say it again who in the world knew grief is so exhausted, I'm mentally, physically, and emotionally drained. 

Hope everyone is doing well tonight...

--mrsviden

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Mrsviden. I am sorry that cemetery maintenance protocol appears so callous and rude. The guy could have at least apologized to soften his words. In fact, he could have been more sensitive and chosen his words more carefully.

You are doing as well as can be expected. Grieving is a lonely, exhausting, long road. We are here for each other. (HUGS)

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13 hours ago, Mrsviden said:

he then said this probably isn't the first or last time it will happen, that's part of life and I will just have to get over it and hung up on me. 

How crude and uncaring.  Honestly, some people need to learn that their actions and words do affect other people and they need to be careful what they say and do.  In my opinion, rudeness is a weak person's imitation of strength.  If you think it will make you feel better, you might want to report the rudeness to the administration and perhaps that could be address with their staff.  I've learned that the way people treat you is a statement about who they are as a human being; it is not a statement about you.   I like to think of a rude attitude in terms of a flat tire.....you can't go anywhere until you change it. :mellow:   Hang in there and be bless.

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3 hours ago, KMB said:

Mrsviden. I am sorry that cemetery maintenance protocol appears so callous and rude. The guy could have at least apologized to soften his words. In fact, he could have been more sensitive and chosen his words more carefully.

You are doing as well as can be expected. Grieving is a lonely, exhausting, long road. We are here for each other. (HUGS)

Hugs to you, I just have no words. 

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2 hours ago, Francine said:

How crude and uncaring.  Honestly, some people need to learn that their actions and words do affect other people and they need to be careful what they say and do.  In my opinion, rudeness is a weak person's imitation of strength.  If you think it will make you feel better, you might want to report the rudeness to the administration and perhaps that could be address with their staff.  I've learned that the way people treat you is a statement about who they are as a human being; it is not a statement about you.   I like to think of a rude attitude in terms of a flat tire.....you can't go anywhere until you change it. :mellow:   Hang in there and be bless.

Thank you Francine, I don't think it would make me feel any better reporting it. I look at it as it just is what it is, I know I can't control what others say, not saying that gives them the right to say those things but this isn't the first stupid thing I've been told since my husband passed. Honestly the only thing that could make me feel better is having my husband walk right through those doors and saying hey baby, but I know that's not possible. Many prayers to everyone on this Tuesday...

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Francine,

I'm so glad the day went well for you!

Mrsviden,

I'm so sorry he was so insensitive.  Could you look up the name of the owner of the cemetery and call and talk to them?  They may not be aware how their employees are treating people and they may need to provide some training.  At the very least he could have apologized.

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11 hours ago, KayC said:

Francine,

I'm so glad the day went well for you!

Mrsviden,

I'm so sorry he was so insensitive.  Could you look up the name of the owner of the cemetery and call and talk to them?  They may not be aware how their employees are treating people and they may need to provide some training.  At the very least he could have apologized.

Sadly I did call and he is the owner of the grounds...

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Mrsviden - I too am sorry that the cemetery owner was so insensitive and rude.  I too would be upset.

As the owner, you'd expect him to know that families tend to visit a new grave often.  He should have shown more respect.  

Wanting to protect our loved ones and have them treated with respect and dignity continues to run deep within us, even after their death.  Maybe even more so. 

Sending strength and hugs to you. 

 

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7 hours ago, Mrsviden said:

Sadly I did call and he is the owner of the grounds...

Ugh...it's not like you can take your business somewhere else.  I'm so sorry, some people are culls.

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11 hours ago, KayC said:

Ugh...it's not like you can take your business somewhere else.  I'm so sorry, some people are culls.

I know right. Have you ever felt like you can't cry, I don't like having this feeling. This feeling makes me feel like I'm a bad wife and I'm heartless. finals and my state boards are next week so you can imagine the amount of studying that's happening. I just don't know anymore. My grief counselor says he sees signs of healing and that really bothers me, what does that mean? Does that mean I'm heartless, that I'm a bad wife, he's angry with me for coping? My heart, my mind is being consumed and I don't like this. 

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Mrsviden,  Our spouses/partners would not wish for us to be crying forever. They know how painful this life is, being without them, but they also understand that life here does go on and they want us to go on too. You have your studying for finals and state boards. You've been doing great focusing on that for yourself. Your husband doesn't want you to give up your plans and dreams. He's cheering you on from the other side. I don't really know what healing means. If it means we still wake up every morning and grit our teeth to get through another day, then I guess that would be considered we are healing. Each day we get through is a tiny measure of healing. I take that word to mean recovery. None of us have allowed our loss to take us out too. Says a lot for us as survivalist humans. You are NOT a heartless, bad wife. Why would your husband be angry with you for coping? It is just the opposite. What would you want for him if he were in your shoes instead? If you were in Heaven, you would be watching over him, encouraging him to dust himself off after every stumble and fall, to get up and keep trying. You would want him to carry you with him in his heart and creating a new start in life. (HUGS)

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27 minutes ago, KMB said:

Mrsviden,  Our spouses/partners would not wish for us to be crying forever. They know how painful this life is, being without them, but they also understand that life here does go on and they want us to go on too. You have your studying for finals and state boards. You've been doing great focusing on that for yourself. Your husband doesn't want you to give up your plans and dreams. He's cheering you on from the other side. I don't really know what healing means. If it means we still wake up every morning and grit our teeth to get through another day, then I guess that would be considered we are healing. Each day we get through is a tiny measure of healing. I take that word to mean recovery. None of us have allowed our loss to take us out too. Says a lot for us as survivalist humans. You are NOT a heartless, bad wife. Why would your husband be angry with you for coping? It is just the opposite. What would you want for him if he were in your shoes instead? If you were in Heaven, you would be watching over him, encouraging him to dust himself off after every stumble and fall, to get up and keep trying. You would want him to carry you with him in his heart and creating a new start in life. (HUGS)

Thank you for putting it into a different perspective for me. I always hated when he cried, and the same went for me. I just really really miss him I want him next to me again.

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11 hours ago, Mrsviden said:

I know right. Have you ever felt like you can't cry, I don't like having this feeling. This feeling makes me feel like I'm a bad wife and I'm heartless. finals and my state boards are next week so you can imagine the amount of studying that's happening. I just don't know anymore. My grief counselor says he sees signs of healing and that really bothers me, what does that mean? Does that mean I'm heartless, that I'm a bad wife, he's angry with me for coping? My heart, my mind is being consumed and I don't like this. 

Mrsviden,

If you ever hear me on anything, I hope it is now and it is this:

Healing is a GOOD thing, it is to be coveted, it should be the goal. IT IS NOT YOUR GRIEF THAT HOLDS YOU TO HIM, IT IS YOUR LOVE!  Your love will continue.  You will never ever forget him.  Feeling bad, crying, those are not signs of our love, those are signs that our world was shook up, but we MUST heal from this wound, it is essential that we do, without which the rest of our lives will be abject misery and frankly, no one can do that kind of a life.  Certainly not me, and I love my George more than anything in the world.  He would not want me to be miserable.  As it is, I miss him each and every day of my life and it takes everything within me to find even the smallest bit of joy, yet it was God Himself that planted that message in me just eleven days after George died, "FIND JOY IN EVERY DAY" and so I began to look for and embrace even the tiniest bits of joy I could find, appreciate what good there still IS, even in the midst of having lost my biggest joy of all!  

KMB is spot on.

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1 hour ago, KayC said:

Mrsviden,

If you ever hear me on anything, I hope it is now and it is this:

Healing is a GOOD thing, it is to be coveted, it should be the goal. IT IS NOT YOUR GRIEF THAT HOLDS YOU TO HIM, IT IS YOUR LOVE!  Your love will continue.  You will never ever forget him.  Feeling bad, crying, those are not signs of our love, those are signs that our world was shook up, but we MUST heal from this wound, it is essential that we do, without which the rest of our lives will be abject misery and frankly, no one can do that kind of a life.  Certainly not me, and I love my George more than anything in the world.  He would not want me to be miserable.  As it is, I miss him each and every day of my life and it takes everything within me to find even the smallest bit of joy, yet it was God Himself that planted that message in me just eleven days after George died, "FIND JOY IN EVERY DAY" and so I began to look for and embrace even the tiniest bits of joy I could find, appreciate what good there still IS, even in the midst of having lost my biggest joy of all!  

KMB is spot on.

Thank you KayC I'm just really struggling. Struggling within my own self. 

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Mrsviden. Your struggles within yourself are completely normal. We are struggling now, and we'll be struggling through the rest of this journey. We are going into a new chapter of our life and we are forced to do it without that one person we thought we'd be going through life with forever.  Life did a complete 180 on us and it is scary and lonely. Our minds took a terrific blow, which cause us to question and doubt what we knew and held dear. It will get easier. It takes awhile for the mind to calm down and function properly again. You were blessed with the love of your soulmate and you will always have that love.

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Every evening for 25 years around 6pm my husband would walk through the front door, put down his briefcase and kiss me hello. Each weeknight I find myself looking towards the door and waiting for him to walk through. Its the little things we miss the most 

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LalaLee, I agree. It is the little things that can trigger a big meltdown. Our hearts shatter even more when we don't see them walk in the door and say *I'm home, dear*. The list can go on-------

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14 hours ago, LalaLee said:

Its the little things we miss the most 

It's so true.  It's the everydayness with our spouse we miss...

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On 4/20/2017 at 11:55 AM, KMB said:

Mrsviden. Your struggles within yourself are completely normal. We are struggling now, and we'll be struggling through the rest of this journey. We are going into a new chapter of our life and we are forced to do it without that one person we thought we'd be going through life with forever.  Life did a complete 180 on us and it is scary and lonely. Our minds took a terrific blow, which cause us to question and doubt what we knew and held dear. It will get easier. It takes awhile for the mind to calm down and function properly again. You were blessed with the love of your soulmate and you will always have that love.

I just don't understand why I got robbed of the best thing about my life. Why did I have to lose my husband? Why did the rest of these spouses on this site have to lose their husband/wife? Today I passed my final with a 95% and the first person I wanted to tell was my husband, and I couldn't. I struggle with knowing that he still loves me and I can't figure that out, on this earth we both told each other that constantly. We were best friends first we met when I was only 10 years old, I've loved him for over half my life. I just wish I could have that one more day, maybe then I could ask all my questions. I just miss him, more than anything in this world. 

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On 4/20/2017 at 5:49 PM, LalaLee said:

Every evening for 25 years around 6pm my husband would walk through the front door, put down his briefcase and kiss me hello. Each weeknight I find myself looking towards the door and waiting for him to walk through. Its the little things we miss the most 

Every evening my husband would do the same, put down his lunch box hug and kiss me as if he hadn't seen me in years, when it had only been a 12 hours. I too still look at the clock at 5:11 and wonder where he is at. 

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