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I just miss him...


Mrsviden

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Another Friday has come as well as another night I won't be getting dressed up for our date night. I remember he used to call me on the way home and say "when we hang up you need to start getting ready because it takes you forever" and it did lol. After date night we'd go rent a movie and come home and we'd watch it or I at least attempted to before him playing with my hair put me to sleep in his arms. That's what I miss the most is just being close to him, feeling as if it was only the two of us in the whole world. Last night I was with my little sister and a friend and they wanted to go downtown which is something I've avoided because that's where Joe and I always went on Saturdays for walks, but I didn't want to disappoint so I went. And it was just as hard as I expected, I got flashbacks of him and I walking hand in hand laughing. 

i just feel really really drained. And I just miss him. 

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Mrsviden, I think you are so brave for going downtown despite dreading it. That must have taken a lot of strength. You can be proud of yourself for having taken this step! Do your sister and friend know how difficult this is/was for you?

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40 minutes ago, anxious said:

Mrsviden, I think you are so brave for going downtown despite dreading it. That must have taken a lot of strength. You can be proud of yourself for having taken this step! Do your sister and friend know how difficult this is/was for you?

My sister does, but she's 12 I don't think she understands it and I don't expect her to. It takes a lot of strength to even get through a day without him then adding on going places that are considered triggers is a whole other level. 

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Mrsviden, I'm proud of you for taking that step. It is hard when we first start doing the dreaded going out and about. Every baby step you take in a forward direction makes you stronger. It builds your confidence. Your Joe is proud of you and cheering you on. We are meant to continue on with life for them. I know it's not easy. (HUGS)

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Well done to you Mrsviden!

I'm not at that stage yet. I find it incredibly difficult to go anywhere where we used to go together. I even pretend that we're holding hands, but of course it doesn't work.

You should be proud of yourself. I just end up in a crying mess and have to get back to the comfort of sitting in his car. 

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Every time we go out of our comfort zone, we've come a little further.  I know it's hard to stretch ourselves this way, but it is the way to healing.  It's good to listen to our inner self to know when and what to tackle as we can't rush it but neither should we use avoidance forever.  You've taken a step, you should feel proud of yourself!

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7 hours ago, KMB said:

Mrsviden, I'm proud of you for taking that step. It is hard when we first start doing the dreaded going out and about. Every baby step you take in a forward direction makes you stronger. It builds your confidence. Your Joe is proud of you and cheering you on. We are meant to continue on with life for them. I know it's not easy. (HUGS)

I'm sure just like the rest of you dread the holiday coming up. All these are firsts for me, first Easter without my husband. Thank you for those words KMB. Hugs to you! 

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6 hours ago, Panda said:

Well done to you Mrsviden!

I'm not at that stage yet. I find it incredibly difficult to go anywhere where we used to go together. I even pretend that we're holding hands, but of course it doesn't work.

You should be proud of yourself. I just end up in a crying mess and have to get back to the comfort of sitting in his car. 

I don't really have a choice I suppose because everywhere in this town we have at least one memory there. I pray you find comfort and the strength to eventually get there. It's only been 3 months for me so I'm still pretty early on...

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6 hours ago, KayC said:

Every time we go out of our comfort zone, we've come a little further.  I know it's hard to stretch ourselves this way, but it is the way to healing.  It's good to listen to our inner self to know when and what to tackle as we can't rush it but neither should we use avoidance forever.  You've taken a step, you should feel proud of yourself!

Thank you KayC, I'm definitely feeling down today, and I miss him more than normal. Dreading this holiday. 

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10 hours ago, Mrsviden said:

Another Friday has come as well as another night I won't be getting dressed up for our date night. I remember he used to call me on the way home and say "when we hang up you need to start getting ready because it takes you forever" and it did lol. After date night we'd go rent a movie and come home and we'd watch it or I at least attempted to before him playing with my hair put me to sleep in his arms. That's what I miss the most is just being close to him, feeling as if it was only the two of us in the whole world. Last night I was with my little sister and a friend and they wanted to go downtown which is something I've avoided because that's where Joe and I always went on Saturdays for walks, but I didn't want to disappoint so I went. And it was just as hard as I expected, I got flashbacks of him and I walking hand in hand laughing. 

i just feel really really drained. And I just miss him. 

I know what you are going through.  My daughter invited me out last weekend - a friend of hers is a singer (very good one at that) and has a band.  I hadn't been out in quite sometime and she thought it would do me some good.  At first I was reluctant, but she was very persuasive and I agreed to go.   It was really nice but the band started to play some songs my Charles and I loved - songs we would listen to when we'd go out on the town.  It was so sad because I visualized him being there with me and I missed him so much - tears started to flow down my face. :(  I tried to hide them because I didn't want to spoil my daughter's good time. 

Tomorrow will be our 45th wedding anniversary and the plan is to celebrate the loved we shared for 45 years.  I'll go to my grieving group session in the morning, visit his final resting place, take my children and grandchildren to Charles' favorite restaurant for dinner and end the day by going to Holy Saturday services.   Busy day, but looking forward to it.  Pray for me.

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1 hour ago, Francine said:

I know what you are going through.  My daughter invited me out last weekend - a friend of hers is a singer (very good one at that) and has a band.  I hadn't been out in quite sometime and she thought it would do me some good.  At first I was reluctant, but she was very persuasive and I agreed to go.   It was really nice but the band started to play some songs my Charles and I loved - songs we would listen to when we'd go out on the town.  It was so sad because I visualized him being there with me and I missed him so much - tears started to flow down my face. :(  I tried to hide them because I didn't want to spoil my daughter's good time. 

Tomorrow will be our 45th wedding anniversary and the plan is to celebrate the loved we shared for 45 years.  I'll go to my grieving group session in the morning, visit his final resting place, take my children and grandchildren to Charles' favorite restaurant for dinner and end the day by going to Holy Saturday services.   Busy day, but looking forward to it.  Pray for me.

If I'm not on here tomorrow I'd like to wish you a Happy Anniversary, I just experienced my first anniversary without my Joe here. I will be praying more than normal for you tomorrow as I know how hard tomorrow will be. My sister and friend are over and I just can't shake it, this mood I am in is just deep, I miss Joe, it's all hitting me again that he's gone, why can't I face that? It all feels like when we first dated and it was long distance and he was just busy working and couldn't text. I heard a song earlier called let's be us again and it hit home id give everything to be us again. He loved me like no other and I miss having someone understand me. Here they are tears rolling down my face and I can't stop them 

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7 minutes ago, Mrsviden said:

Here they are tears rolling down my face and I can't stop them 

Just reading your post has gotten my tsunami started again.   Here's to two women loving and missing their man.  Sending hugs and prayers your way.

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36 minutes ago, Francine said:

 

Just reading your post has gotten my tsunami started again.   Here's to two women loving and missing their man.  Sending hugs and prayers your way.

I'm sorry I started the tears for you Francine, I'll be thinking and praying for you. Definitely missing him more than usual tonight 

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Ordinarily, I would not post religious material to this site, but after reading your posts I felt compelled to say the following prayer for each of you.

 “Most loving God, you know the pain and sorrow of death; mercifully hear our prayer for those who mourn the death of their beloved. The nights are lonely and the days are too long. Comfort them and bring an end to the days of tears. Bless them and bring an end to their days of sorrow. Renew them with the joy of life and bring to an end their days of mourning. Let the bond of love which you have for your people be the foundation of their hope that love never ends and that precious moments with our beloved are forever held dear in our hearts. Amen.”

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44 minutes ago, AceBasin said:

Ordinarily, I would not post religious material to this site, but after reading your posts I felt compelled to say the following prayer for each of you.

 “Most loving God, you know the pain and sorrow of death; mercifully hear our prayer for those who mourn the death of their beloved. The nights are lonely and the days are too long. Comfort them and bring an end to the days of tears. Bless them and bring an end to their days of sorrow. Renew them with the joy of life and bring to an end their days of mourning. Let the bond of love which you have for your people be the foundation of their hope that love never ends and that precious moments with our beloved are forever held dear in our hearts. Amen.”
 

 

Thank you for that prayer AceBasin

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Mrsviden, what you did, by going out into a familiar world made unfamiliar by your loss was courageous. It was brave. Brave because you were afraid, but you did it anyway. I can only imagine the pain of the once comforting surroundings and at the same time, feeling as if you've been placed in an alien setting. I feel this way. If you can imagine an episode of the Twilight Zone, where everything appears normal, but something isn't quite right. A sign is in the wrong place, the streets are empty of life, perhaps the neighbors are less friendly. It's an alternate reality we've walked into, one that has all the things from our old world, all but our beloved. That is exactly how I feel when I'm out. For me though, I'm alone. I have no siblings, no close friends available for such an evening, and my daughter usually has school or work and her own friends. 

And that state of being drained, having all the life just emptied out of you? Yes, without question. I wish I could bring you comfort and a measure of hope, I really do. Tomorrow is another day of possibilities, maybe there you'll find something "better". I hope you do, I pray you do. The last couple of days have been especially trying for me, things have compounded and made my life much more complex, so I have more on my plate now. Like you Mrsviden, I'm drained, exhausted, and without my wife, utterly confused and without her guidance and support, a wreck. I believe, however, you'll rise up and dust yourself off. You'll stand, and you'll carry on. You will because you must. I'm cheering you on, I need to see you carry on, I need to see KMB, Francine, Panda, KayC, AceBasin and ALL the others here carry on, because it gives me hope that I too can carry on. Nothing at all prepared us for this, nothing compares to this, so we can't be blamed for falling, for crying until we hurt or hiding away our pain. We can't be held to a non existent standard of grieving, we literally write a new book on grief each time someone joins our "club of loss"   I wish you all peace and comfort, and Mrsviden, I'm thinking about you, praying for you, cheering you on. 

God bless, peace and love,

Andy

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Francine, I am thinking of you today as you celebrate Charles and yours special day when you were united in marriage by God. Charles will be with you in spirit. God honors your union and love and someday you and Charles will be together again. May God bless you and give you strength, grace and dignity for today and always.

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Andy, As always, you speak from your heart. Even in your pain, you are an inspiration to us all. I look forward to your posts. Your honesty is profound and it is so helpful, comforting, that none of us are truly alone in our grieving.

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Francine, thinking of you today and hoping your day goes well.  I know how emotional it must feel.  I understand your tears at hearing those songs, that must have been hard to get through.

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20 hours ago, Andy said:

Mrsviden, what you did, by going out into a familiar world made unfamiliar by your loss was courageous. It was brave. Brave because you were afraid, but you did it anyway. I can only imagine the pain of the once comforting surroundings and at the same time, feeling as if you've been placed in an alien setting. I feel this way. If you can imagine an episode of the Twilight Zone, where everything appears normal, but something isn't quite right. A sign is in the wrong place, the streets are empty of life, perhaps the neighbors are less friendly. It's an alternate reality we've walked into, one that has all the things from our old world, all but our beloved. That is exactly how I feel when I'm out. For me though, I'm alone. I have no siblings, no close friends available for such an evening, and my daughter usually has school or work and her own friends. 

And that state of being drained, having all the life just emptied out of you? Yes, without question. I wish I could bring you comfort and a measure of hope, I really do. Tomorrow is another day of possibilities, maybe there you'll find something "better". I hope you do, I pray you do. The last couple of days have been especially trying for me, things have compounded and made my life much more complex, so I have more on my plate now. Like you Mrsviden, I'm drained, exhausted, and without my wife, utterly confused and without her guidance and support, a wreck. I believe, however, you'll rise up and dust yourself off. You'll stand, and you'll carry on. You will because you must. I'm cheering you on, I need to see you carry on, I need to see KMB, Francine, Panda, KayC, AceBasin and ALL the others here carry on, because it gives me hope that I too can carry on. Nothing at all prepared us for this, nothing compares to this, so we can't be blamed for falling, for crying until we hurt or hiding away our pain. We can't be held to a non existent standard of grieving, we literally write a new book on grief each time someone joins our "club of loss"   I wish you all peace and comfort, and Mrsviden, I'm thinking about you, praying for you, cheering you on. 

God bless, peace and love,

Andy

Andy, wow thank you for even thinking I'm brave. I don't see that in myself, I just see someone going through the motions and doing things to please others instead of worrying of myself. My sister is 12 and lives in Louisiana so I don't see her often, but when I do I feel as if I've got to hold everything together so others don't see me as weak. When you said the neighbors are less friendly that really hit home, before my neighbors would say hey neighbor every time we walked out the door but since my Husband has passed they avoid me simply because I know they don't want to hear how I'm doing, I'm assuming they know it's not too dang great. I'm a total different person and I used to could remember everything anyone ever said now I feel as if I can't remember what someone said 2 seconds ago. The only way I can think to put it is my head is consumed with so much it spits out new information. I miss my husband dearly, I don't know how the heck I am going to make it tomorrow but somehow just like the rest of everyone on here we will get through it. I don't have a family to spend Easter with, my sister is going back to Louisiana, but most of all I don't have the best part about me with me, and that's my husband. 

People who think they are comforting when they say oh but he's spending it in heaven and what a joyous thing that is, given that I'm religious and I know where Joe is, this is my first Easter without him, this is the first Easter I won't get to cook for my husband. I remember our first Easter as a couple and I wanted to be a kid again and hunt Easter eggs so what did my amazing husband do, he went to Walmart bought some eggs came home and hid them and then told me to go find them. It's those moments that I miss, I miss him going over the top just to see a smile on my face and vice versa. 

Im just lost, I feel the heaviness I'm carrying on my shoulders and I wish I could just have my husband back. 

As always I will be praying for everyone, not only today but through tomorrow and the next day, and the next...

mrsviden

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On April 14, 2017 at 11:39 PM, Mrsviden said:

Thank you for that prayer AceBasin

Yes thank you. I wish peace for you all on this Easter morning. Another holiday, another weekend without our loves. I hope you all find some enjoyment in the day. For me, I plan to spend it alone just hanging out at home. The weather is nice today so I'm getting my patio and porch cleaned up and ready for summer. Really don't feel like "socializing" with anyone today. 3.5 months in and I'm really feeling that underlying heaviness and constant sadness.  Such a hard painful journey. 

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HHFaith, Wishing you a peaceful Easter day to you also. These holiday weekends are tough to get through. I'm here alone also. So very lonely. If my husband were here, it is a nice enough day to have a BBQ. No sense in bringing the grill out of winter storage for one person. I did my bit of socializing yesterday. A girlfriend who lives 4 hours away comes up in my direction 2 or 3 times a year to check on her grandparents property. She has plans to build a small house there for her retirement years and to get away from the city. I made the drive down to a mutually agreed place for lunch. It is the second time I've done this since my loss. This time it was a little easier to be out but still hurt so much coming home to an empty house and no husband to share the latest news of my friend with. I don't know if I'll ever get used to this unwanted, different life.

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12 hours ago, Mrsviden said:

People who think they are comforting when they say oh but he's spending it in heaven and what a joyous thing that is, given that I'm religious and I know where Joe is, this is my first Easter without him, this is the first Easter I won't get to cook for my husband.

I don't think there IS a way they can comfort you, how can you comfort someone who has lost their world?  Your Easter is drastically different.  I try to focus on the spiritual aspect of Easter, it was always my favorite day of spiritual significance, and that helps me.  I try not to think about "how it used to be" but it still hits sometimes.  

I'm thinking of each and all of you going through your first Easter without. :(

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4 hours ago, KMB said:

HHFaith, Wishing you a peaceful Easter day to you also. These holiday weekends are tough to get through. I'm here alone also. So very lonely. If my husband were here, it is a nice enough day to have a BBQ. No sense in bringing the grill out of winter storage for one person. I did my bit of socializing yesterday. A girlfriend who lives 4 hours away comes up in my direction 2 or 3 times a year to check on her grandparents property. She has plans to build a small house there for her retirement years and to get away from the city. I made the drive down to a mutually agreed place for lunch. It is the second time I've done this since my loss. This time it was a little easier to be out but still hurt so much coming home to an empty house and no husband to share the latest news of my friend with. I don't know if I'll ever get used to this unwanted, different life.

Just brought my grill out and cleaned it up. But, yes, will I ever use it again?  Don't want to. 

And yes, it's so hard when you have something to share and they're not there. It's like an aromatic reflex that I want to send Pat a quick text to tell him something or just check in. I'm constantly checking my phone for texts which I expect to be from him. But none. I guess I never realized how much we texted each other throughout the day. Yet another thing I really really miss. 

I actually just got a tattoo of a text message from Pat he sent a few weeks before he died. It says "Have faith". A good reminder to me then and now, every time I look at my arm. 

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9 hours ago, HHFaith said:

 

I actually just got a tattoo of a text message from Pat he sent a few weeks before he died. It says "Have faith". A good reminder to me then and now, every time I look at my arm. 

Funny you mention that right adter my husband passed I got the trinity knot which was his company's logo and then I love you next to it written in his handwriting from an anniversary card he once gave me. I agree it's a good reminder to look down and read on the days you feel like there is no way out...

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On 4/14/2017 at 8:54 PM, Mrsviden said:

If I'm not on here tomorrow I'd like to wish you a Happy Anniversary, I just experienced my first anniversary without my Joe here. I will be praying more than normal for you tomorrow as I know how hard tomorrow will be.

 

On 4/15/2017 at 10:56 AM, KayC said:

Francine, thinking of you today and hoping your day goes well.  I know how emotional it must feel.

On 4/15/17 at 10:57 AM, KMB said:

Francine, I am thinking of you today as you celebrate Charles and yours special day when you were united in marriage by God. Charles will be with you in spirit. God honors your union and love and someday you and Charles will be together again.

On 4/15/2017 at 0:20 AM, Andy said:

I need to see KMB, Francine, Panda, KayC, AceBasin and ALL the others here carry on, because it gives me hope that I too can carry on.

Thank you all for your well wishes on my anniversary.  I started the day attending my group grief session; although I had a meltdown, the members were so comforting and encouraging, I just felt so loved. Next, I visited Charles' final resting place along with my children and grandchildren.  We placed flowers on his grave site and released balloons (each in turn) along with some words reflecting our own personal remembrance of the husband, the dad, and the grand dad and how he touched our lives - that made me cry also, but that was a good cry.  Next, we dined at Charles favorite restaurant and celebrated our 45 wonderful years together - again I cried, but happy tears - finally, I attended the Holy Saturday services at church.  I got home around 11:00 PM only to get back up the next day (Easter) to start over again.    A day I thought would be a gloom and doom day turned out to be a celebration of the love I still have for a man God blessed me with or nearly 45 years.   All in all - a good day. 

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47 minutes ago, Francine said:

 

On 4/15/17 at 10:57 AM, KMB said:

Francine, I am thinking of you today as you celebrate Charles and yours special day when you were united in marriage by God. Charles will be with you in spirit. God honors your union and love and someday you and Charles will be together again.

Thank you all for your well wishes on my anniversary.  I started the day attending my group grief session; although I had a meltdown, the members were so comforting and encouraging, I just felt so loved. Next, I visited Charles' final resting place along with my children and grandchildren.  We placed flowers on his grave site and released balloons (each in turn) along with some words reflecting our own personal remembrance of the husband, the dad, and the grand dad and how he touched our lives - that made me cry also, but that was a good cry.  Next, we dined at Charles favorite restaurant and celebrated our 45 wonderful years together - again I cried, but happy tears - finally, I attended the Holy Saturday services at church.  I got home around 11:00 PM only to get back up the next day (Easter) to start over again.    A day I thought would be a gloom and doom day turned out to be a celebration of the love I still have for a man God blessed me with or nearly 45 years.   All in all - a good day. 

I'm so glad things turned out positive for you, and what a nice way to celebrate his and your life together. A good day indeed!

Hugs,

Andy

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Hey y'all...

Yesterday I went out to the cemetery to visit my husband and tell him happy Easter. There I noticed tractor marks on top of his grave which I thought was odd because he's there in an open space(no graves beside his) I know one day they are going to mow over it when grass grows but I got really upset by it. Today I decided to call the cemetery and ask the reasoning behind it and he said the following "it happens sometimes when we have to get in and out of other graves, I said right I understand that but no one is around him, it's as if y'all deliberately rolled over it, he continued and said well it's your responsibility to purchase a vault which will prevent damage to the casket, (by the way, I did purchase that) he then said this probably isn't the first or last time it will happen, that's part of life and I will just have to get over it and hung up on me. 

Today I'm still trying to recover from yesterday, I just miss my husband, I sit here in his spot and close my eyes and when I open them I can imagine him coming out of the bathroom with my toothbrush and saying "you ready to go to bed baby?" I just really really miss him. 

I've said it before and I'll say it again who in the world knew grief is so exhausted, I'm mentally, physically, and emotionally drained. 

Hope everyone is doing well tonight...

--mrsviden

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Mrsviden. I am sorry that cemetery maintenance protocol appears so callous and rude. The guy could have at least apologized to soften his words. In fact, he could have been more sensitive and chosen his words more carefully.

You are doing as well as can be expected. Grieving is a lonely, exhausting, long road. We are here for each other. (HUGS)

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13 hours ago, Mrsviden said:

he then said this probably isn't the first or last time it will happen, that's part of life and I will just have to get over it and hung up on me. 

How crude and uncaring.  Honestly, some people need to learn that their actions and words do affect other people and they need to be careful what they say and do.  In my opinion, rudeness is a weak person's imitation of strength.  If you think it will make you feel better, you might want to report the rudeness to the administration and perhaps that could be address with their staff.  I've learned that the way people treat you is a statement about who they are as a human being; it is not a statement about you.   I like to think of a rude attitude in terms of a flat tire.....you can't go anywhere until you change it. :mellow:   Hang in there and be bless.

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3 hours ago, KMB said:

Mrsviden. I am sorry that cemetery maintenance protocol appears so callous and rude. The guy could have at least apologized to soften his words. In fact, he could have been more sensitive and chosen his words more carefully.

You are doing as well as can be expected. Grieving is a lonely, exhausting, long road. We are here for each other. (HUGS)

Hugs to you, I just have no words. 

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2 hours ago, Francine said:

How crude and uncaring.  Honestly, some people need to learn that their actions and words do affect other people and they need to be careful what they say and do.  In my opinion, rudeness is a weak person's imitation of strength.  If you think it will make you feel better, you might want to report the rudeness to the administration and perhaps that could be address with their staff.  I've learned that the way people treat you is a statement about who they are as a human being; it is not a statement about you.   I like to think of a rude attitude in terms of a flat tire.....you can't go anywhere until you change it. :mellow:   Hang in there and be bless.

Thank you Francine, I don't think it would make me feel any better reporting it. I look at it as it just is what it is, I know I can't control what others say, not saying that gives them the right to say those things but this isn't the first stupid thing I've been told since my husband passed. Honestly the only thing that could make me feel better is having my husband walk right through those doors and saying hey baby, but I know that's not possible. Many prayers to everyone on this Tuesday...

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Francine,

I'm so glad the day went well for you!

Mrsviden,

I'm so sorry he was so insensitive.  Could you look up the name of the owner of the cemetery and call and talk to them?  They may not be aware how their employees are treating people and they may need to provide some training.  At the very least he could have apologized.

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11 hours ago, KayC said:

Francine,

I'm so glad the day went well for you!

Mrsviden,

I'm so sorry he was so insensitive.  Could you look up the name of the owner of the cemetery and call and talk to them?  They may not be aware how their employees are treating people and they may need to provide some training.  At the very least he could have apologized.

Sadly I did call and he is the owner of the grounds...

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Mrsviden - I too am sorry that the cemetery owner was so insensitive and rude.  I too would be upset.

As the owner, you'd expect him to know that families tend to visit a new grave often.  He should have shown more respect.  

Wanting to protect our loved ones and have them treated with respect and dignity continues to run deep within us, even after their death.  Maybe even more so. 

Sending strength and hugs to you. 

 

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7 hours ago, Mrsviden said:

Sadly I did call and he is the owner of the grounds...

Ugh...it's not like you can take your business somewhere else.  I'm so sorry, some people are culls.

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11 hours ago, KayC said:

Ugh...it's not like you can take your business somewhere else.  I'm so sorry, some people are culls.

I know right. Have you ever felt like you can't cry, I don't like having this feeling. This feeling makes me feel like I'm a bad wife and I'm heartless. finals and my state boards are next week so you can imagine the amount of studying that's happening. I just don't know anymore. My grief counselor says he sees signs of healing and that really bothers me, what does that mean? Does that mean I'm heartless, that I'm a bad wife, he's angry with me for coping? My heart, my mind is being consumed and I don't like this. 

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Mrsviden,  Our spouses/partners would not wish for us to be crying forever. They know how painful this life is, being without them, but they also understand that life here does go on and they want us to go on too. You have your studying for finals and state boards. You've been doing great focusing on that for yourself. Your husband doesn't want you to give up your plans and dreams. He's cheering you on from the other side. I don't really know what healing means. If it means we still wake up every morning and grit our teeth to get through another day, then I guess that would be considered we are healing. Each day we get through is a tiny measure of healing. I take that word to mean recovery. None of us have allowed our loss to take us out too. Says a lot for us as survivalist humans. You are NOT a heartless, bad wife. Why would your husband be angry with you for coping? It is just the opposite. What would you want for him if he were in your shoes instead? If you were in Heaven, you would be watching over him, encouraging him to dust himself off after every stumble and fall, to get up and keep trying. You would want him to carry you with him in his heart and creating a new start in life. (HUGS)

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27 minutes ago, KMB said:

Mrsviden,  Our spouses/partners would not wish for us to be crying forever. They know how painful this life is, being without them, but they also understand that life here does go on and they want us to go on too. You have your studying for finals and state boards. You've been doing great focusing on that for yourself. Your husband doesn't want you to give up your plans and dreams. He's cheering you on from the other side. I don't really know what healing means. If it means we still wake up every morning and grit our teeth to get through another day, then I guess that would be considered we are healing. Each day we get through is a tiny measure of healing. I take that word to mean recovery. None of us have allowed our loss to take us out too. Says a lot for us as survivalist humans. You are NOT a heartless, bad wife. Why would your husband be angry with you for coping? It is just the opposite. What would you want for him if he were in your shoes instead? If you were in Heaven, you would be watching over him, encouraging him to dust himself off after every stumble and fall, to get up and keep trying. You would want him to carry you with him in his heart and creating a new start in life. (HUGS)

Thank you for putting it into a different perspective for me. I always hated when he cried, and the same went for me. I just really really miss him I want him next to me again.

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11 hours ago, Mrsviden said:

I know right. Have you ever felt like you can't cry, I don't like having this feeling. This feeling makes me feel like I'm a bad wife and I'm heartless. finals and my state boards are next week so you can imagine the amount of studying that's happening. I just don't know anymore. My grief counselor says he sees signs of healing and that really bothers me, what does that mean? Does that mean I'm heartless, that I'm a bad wife, he's angry with me for coping? My heart, my mind is being consumed and I don't like this. 

Mrsviden,

If you ever hear me on anything, I hope it is now and it is this:

Healing is a GOOD thing, it is to be coveted, it should be the goal. IT IS NOT YOUR GRIEF THAT HOLDS YOU TO HIM, IT IS YOUR LOVE!  Your love will continue.  You will never ever forget him.  Feeling bad, crying, those are not signs of our love, those are signs that our world was shook up, but we MUST heal from this wound, it is essential that we do, without which the rest of our lives will be abject misery and frankly, no one can do that kind of a life.  Certainly not me, and I love my George more than anything in the world.  He would not want me to be miserable.  As it is, I miss him each and every day of my life and it takes everything within me to find even the smallest bit of joy, yet it was God Himself that planted that message in me just eleven days after George died, "FIND JOY IN EVERY DAY" and so I began to look for and embrace even the tiniest bits of joy I could find, appreciate what good there still IS, even in the midst of having lost my biggest joy of all!  

KMB is spot on.

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1 hour ago, KayC said:

Mrsviden,

If you ever hear me on anything, I hope it is now and it is this:

Healing is a GOOD thing, it is to be coveted, it should be the goal. IT IS NOT YOUR GRIEF THAT HOLDS YOU TO HIM, IT IS YOUR LOVE!  Your love will continue.  You will never ever forget him.  Feeling bad, crying, those are not signs of our love, those are signs that our world was shook up, but we MUST heal from this wound, it is essential that we do, without which the rest of our lives will be abject misery and frankly, no one can do that kind of a life.  Certainly not me, and I love my George more than anything in the world.  He would not want me to be miserable.  As it is, I miss him each and every day of my life and it takes everything within me to find even the smallest bit of joy, yet it was God Himself that planted that message in me just eleven days after George died, "FIND JOY IN EVERY DAY" and so I began to look for and embrace even the tiniest bits of joy I could find, appreciate what good there still IS, even in the midst of having lost my biggest joy of all!  

KMB is spot on.

Thank you KayC I'm just really struggling. Struggling within my own self. 

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Mrsviden. Your struggles within yourself are completely normal. We are struggling now, and we'll be struggling through the rest of this journey. We are going into a new chapter of our life and we are forced to do it without that one person we thought we'd be going through life with forever.  Life did a complete 180 on us and it is scary and lonely. Our minds took a terrific blow, which cause us to question and doubt what we knew and held dear. It will get easier. It takes awhile for the mind to calm down and function properly again. You were blessed with the love of your soulmate and you will always have that love.

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Every evening for 25 years around 6pm my husband would walk through the front door, put down his briefcase and kiss me hello. Each weeknight I find myself looking towards the door and waiting for him to walk through. Its the little things we miss the most 

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LalaLee, I agree. It is the little things that can trigger a big meltdown. Our hearts shatter even more when we don't see them walk in the door and say *I'm home, dear*. The list can go on-------

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14 hours ago, LalaLee said:

Its the little things we miss the most 

It's so true.  It's the everydayness with our spouse we miss...

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On 4/20/2017 at 11:55 AM, KMB said:

Mrsviden. Your struggles within yourself are completely normal. We are struggling now, and we'll be struggling through the rest of this journey. We are going into a new chapter of our life and we are forced to do it without that one person we thought we'd be going through life with forever.  Life did a complete 180 on us and it is scary and lonely. Our minds took a terrific blow, which cause us to question and doubt what we knew and held dear. It will get easier. It takes awhile for the mind to calm down and function properly again. You were blessed with the love of your soulmate and you will always have that love.

I just don't understand why I got robbed of the best thing about my life. Why did I have to lose my husband? Why did the rest of these spouses on this site have to lose their husband/wife? Today I passed my final with a 95% and the first person I wanted to tell was my husband, and I couldn't. I struggle with knowing that he still loves me and I can't figure that out, on this earth we both told each other that constantly. We were best friends first we met when I was only 10 years old, I've loved him for over half my life. I just wish I could have that one more day, maybe then I could ask all my questions. I just miss him, more than anything in this world. 

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On 4/20/2017 at 5:49 PM, LalaLee said:

Every evening for 25 years around 6pm my husband would walk through the front door, put down his briefcase and kiss me hello. Each weeknight I find myself looking towards the door and waiting for him to walk through. Its the little things we miss the most 

Every evening my husband would do the same, put down his lunch box hug and kiss me as if he hadn't seen me in years, when it had only been a 12 hours. I too still look at the clock at 5:11 and wonder where he is at. 

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