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Vince   

 Hello everyone, I've never done this before, so I'm not totally sure what I'm supposed to do, so Ill just share my experience with you. I'm 22 years old and I just lost my 27 year old sister two days ago. She overdosed, and it's hit me and my family like a ton of bricks. She made it to the hospital, but suffered severe brain damage. Shortly thereafter, her organs started to fail. I left work and rushed to the hospital, which was two hours away, to say goodbye. I don't think I realized the gravity of the situation until I saw her when I got there, and when I did, a feeling of unreality set in. This feeling hasn't gone away since. I broke down when I saw her lying there, it was a horrifying sight that I'd never wish on anybody. The thing is, after that moment, I've felt like my life has turned into some type of sad movie, with my family and friends playing the characters. Maybe my mind is using this idea as a coping mechanism to deal with the situation, im not sure. I feel like my normal life has been replaced with my sisters death. What I mean is my life now consists of me doing pointless tasks and having pointless conversations for no reason other than filling time and fruitlessly distracting me from the fact of her death. It feels as if her death IS my life now. Hopefully I'm making sense! I find myself trying to figure this situation out, as if it were a math equation. I constantly feel confused and distant, and I hate it. What happened to everything that was, just two days ago? Does everyone go through this? Will this go away? I know it's still very fresh, two days is not a very long time to grieve, but I'm not sure if I have even accepted it! I saw her take her last breath, I SAW it. I heard the doctor pronounce her dead, yet I can't shake this feeling that she's gonna show up and say "gotcha!" And start laughing so hard she starts to snort. I'm afraid that I feel too distant to reality, and I'll fall further down the rabbit hole. It's like I have two totally conflicting thought processes going through my mind simultaneously. I'm constantly thinking about her death, but I'm not fully ready to accept that it's the truth.  Is this a normal experience? I'd appreciate some feedback. Thank you.

vince

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reader   

Dear Vince,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know the pain and sorrow is unbearable. I hear you. I felt the same way after losing my father. It didn't feel real. Please know everything you are thinking and feeling is natural and normal. We are all here to listen and support you. Thinking of you and your family during this very difficult time. Sending you all my thoughts and prayers.

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Vince   

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers, im really glad it's a natural feeling to have, because it's just so foreign to me. Never felt anything like this before. Thank you again for your words and wisdom

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Hi Vince,

Let me first send you my sympathy and love. I know what you're going through. 

I lost my sister over 11 years ago and you should know that all your emotions you're going through are normal. There is no right way to grieve, all your family are coping in their own way. Your life will never be the same as it was. that doesn't mean you can't live a meaningful life in the future.

You have to give yourself time. It's a massive thing to lose a sibling.

I went through lots of different emotions when I lost my sister. bitter sadness, anger, frustration, confusion, guilt, desperation etc. you will go through all types of pain. just know its part of the grieving. 

My best advice is to allow yourself to feel the emotions, give yourself and your family time. try to be understanding.

For me, I now try to live a good life that my sister was robbed of. I remember her in our memories we shared.

My biggest lesson was that life is short and we must cherish the life we have with the people we love. 

It will be hard for a long time to cope with the pain, just know that time allows you to grow stronger and remember all that's good about your sister.

here's my sister memory page that I created for me and family, might be a thing you want to do?  http://kimberley-deehan.memory-of.com/About.aspx

Sending you love.

Paul

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beeanc   

Hi Vince,

Firstly sending alot of support your way.

This is my first post but intrigued seeing yours - I'm 24 lost my 35 year old brother 7 months ago to an overdose as well.

This is so fresh for you, in the first week i wasn't functioning, my bro was a big business man with 3 beautiful young kids and a wife and he was the gate keeper of our family so obviously shock is heavy, Although its been 7 months I still feel very lost. I am not going to say it gets easier for you because it doesn't, you don't learn to accept it you just learn to live with knowing that amazing person is now missing in your life. For me, I get to see him live on through his 3 kids, I visit the cemetery every day we have done everything he would have wanted. These things didn't need to happen and unfortunately that is the card they've been dealt.

I don't think I will ever understand why it had to happen. I didn't believe it because he passed away in America and had to be repatriated back home, it wasn't until the viewing that it sunk it for me. All I can say is look for signs, pray to them, ask them for help.

I recently went to a medium and although I am a skeptic, the things she said about him were spot on. Rely on your friends, talk about them all the time, I never stop and tell people I love talking about him.

We will never be the same after this loss and the tears come out a lot easier these days but take each day at a time. Here if you ever need to chat!

 

Thanks,

 

Bianca

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I am so sorry for your loss.  My sister died in similar circumstances in March.  I find myself still struggling to reconcile the stranger I saw in intensive care with my beautiful, funny, vibrant sister.  It is jarring to incorporate this new reality into our expectations that we have always held for our futures.  She was my best friend and we talked often of what it would be like to be old ladies together.  I still struggle with the understanding that now all of those things will never happen. All I can say to you is be kind to yourself.  Do whatever you need to do and don't apologize for it.  Some days may feel like you are just surviving but I try to be hopeful that while things will always be different, I may some day feel some sense of normalcy again.  I hope for the same for you. 

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