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My wife passed away


Llad

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After being diagnosed with anaplastic thyroid cancer on Labor Day 2016, my sweet loving wife passed away from this world the day after Thanksgiving.  

There was nothing anyone could do ... the cancer is so rare that the chances of someone contracting it at her age is ~1 in 500,00.   They do not know what causes it ... much less how to effectively treat it.   The chances of survival with this cancer for one year are less than 7%.   Most do not survive over three months.  At the time of diagnosis, her cancer had already metastasized.   She was in the hospital for weeks at a time and I spent nearly every evening with her.  She went downhill fast. I watched the radiation and chemo treatments swell and numb her hands and feet as she lost all her hair.  At the end, she was bedridden, unable to even talk and fell into an unconscious state most of the time.   I was at her side when she passed in the early morning hours

My wife was the love of my life and, after four months, I am still despondent.   I choke up every day when I think of her and have been having bouts of insomnia and panic attacks as well.

I met and dated her in high school and met up with her again at our twenty year reunion.  We had been married over 25 years. She was 64 years old and we were planning on retirement soon and traveling around the world..  

All of those dreams are now broken and shattered.

The loss of my beloved spouse has to be one of the worst events to ever happen in my lifetime.  

 

 

  

  

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Llad,

I'm sorry for your loss. All I can say is the way I am coping is I keep repeating to myself, breathe, put one foot in front of the other and take one day at a time.

Sending hugs

 

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1 hour ago, Llad said:

After being diagnosed with anaplastic thyroid cancer on Labor Day 2016, my sweet loving wife passed away from this world the day after Thanksgiving.  

There was nothing anyone could do ... the cancer is so rare that the chances of someone contracting it at her age is ~1 in 500,00.   They do not know what causes it ... much less how to effectively treat it.   The chances of survival with this cancer for one year are less than 7%.   Most do not survive over three months.  At the time of diagnosis, her cancer had already metastasized.   She was in the hospital for weeks at a time and I spent nearly every evening with her.  She went downhill fast. I watched the radiation and chemo treatments swell and numb her hands and feet as she lost all her hair.  At the end, she was bedridden, unable to even talk and fell into an unconscious state most of the time.   I was at her side when she passed in the early morning hours

My wife was the love of my life and, after four months, I am still despondent.   I choke up every day when I think of her and have been having bouts of insomnia and panic attacks as well.

I met and dated her in high school and met up with her again at our twenty year reunion.  We had been married over 25 years. She was 64 years old and we were planning on retirement soon and traveling around the world..  

All of those dreams are now broken and shattered.

The loss of my beloved spouse has to be one of the worst events to ever happen in my lifetime.  

 

 

  

  

I am so sorry, I'm right there with you. My wife passed New Year's Eve, 2016. Despondent is an appropriate word. Baring something tragic as it relates to my daughter, this is the worst thing I've been through, worst thing I will go through. 

Your story sounds beautiful, finding one another after so many years, spending 25 years in marriage with your true love. How bitter sweet the memories. This July 11th, we would've been married 25 years. She was 42. Unexpected and rather quick, my wife was gone. 

I feel the sorrow in your words, the lost future, the remnants of a once full and happy life. How terrible to see your beloved suffer through the pain and agony of the treatments, I'm so truly sorry for what you've been through, what you're going through. 

I'm just entering my 4th month, and it's not any better in terms of how I feel or the impact it continues to have on our daughter and myself. It seems as if new sorrows appear every day. The frequency in which I break down may be less, but I do a fair job of suppressing things. I hate "time", it's removed me nearly 3 1/2 months since I last talked to my wife, since she told me she loved me (her last words), since I held her hand or smelled her perfume, it's trying to rob me of my memories. It won't succeed.

My friend, my heart goes out to you, I wish I had something worthwhile to say, to help, but I'm at a loss for my own self. It doesn't make anything better, but you aren't alone. I try to "listen" to others, try to offer what comfort I can, but I know in the end, it's our grief that keeps us company now. 

Peace and comfort,

Andy

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I am so very sorry about the death of your wife. As Andy mentioned, there is not much any of us can say that will make things better, but each of us has very similar experiences and feelings. Please feel free to post whatever comes to your mind, and know that there is a supportive group that understands. You are not alone

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Llad:

I am so sorry to hear about your wife.  I lost my husband almost two months ago to pancreatic cancer, so I do know a little of how you feel.  The pain may never go completely away, but try to take it one day at a time, one minute at a time.  Hugs and prayers for you.

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Llad, i am sorry for your loss of your sweet wife. Cancer is an ugly disease, an ugly word. Your wife put up a brave fight and so did you. You are among friends here. This forum has become my life line. Only those who have lost a spouse truly understand what we are coping with in our daily struggles.  Prayers and hugs to you.

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Llad,

I am sorry...I am 64 years old and my initial thought was why couldn't it have been me instead of her?  I could go on to be with my husband and another couple could be left intact.  Why does another person have to go through this! 

I am sorry you lost your wife, your sweetheart and such a hard way.  The C word is a word all of us have come to hate and dread.  I have a friend going through it now.

I'm glad you've found this place, a safe place to voice yourself and know you're understood.  I hope you'll continue to come here to read and post.

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Llad -- I am so sorry and can feel your pain.  I lost my husband of nearly 45 years about 4 months and like your wife, he was the love of my life; my heart, my everything.  We had retired with plans on enjoying our retirement years together - I had so much anticipation for our future as we, together, would explore it.  Unfortunately, that was not the Master's plan.  I can certainly feel your pain of losing her in your post.  I agree - losing a spouse -  it's the worst loss one could ever have.   Not diminishing other losses, but your spouse; the one person you shared your life with; the person you shared your love with; the person you wanted to grow old with, is far more dreadful for me.

I too was with my husband when he took his last breath in this world, and I'm grateful he didn't suffer and thankful he knew how much I loved him and him, me.  The love you had for your wife resonates strongly in your post and I know she felt just as strong as you.    Love isn't perfect, it isn't a fairytale or a storybook and does not always come easy.  It's overcoming obstacles, facing challenges, fighting together; holding on and never letting go.  It is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define and impossible to live without.  It is work, but most of all, it is realizing that every hour, every minute, every second of it was worth it because - you did it together.    Couples that were meant to be (You and your wife & myself and my Charles) are the ones who go through everything, even death.  But you know what, not even death can tear them part, because the love they shared never dies, it makes the one left to endure the pain even stronger.  Hold on that love and not the loss.  Whenever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, just remember how far you have come, everything you have faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome - and thank God.

God often uses our deepest pain as the launching pad for our greatest calling.  HE didn't give us pain to hurt us; HE gave us pain so we conquer it, learn from it and be our best because of it. HE has a purpose for our pain, a  reason for our struggles, and a reward for our faithfulness. 

I hope you continue to post.  There are some amazing people on this forum who will not only share their stories, but offer their support, comfort and encouragement.  My prayer is that God gives you the strength for every battle, wisdom for every decision, and peace that surpasses understanding.   We are here for you but most importantly GOD is here for us all.

 

 
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On 4/11/2017 at 5:28 PM, Llad said:

we were planning on retirement soon and traveling around the world..

These we our plans too. I'm now retired according to the "plan" but find the "plan" to be empty now, unenjoyable without her. I'm trying hard to kick start the "plan" but I just can't get my leg to moving. Time is passing slowly I can feel it. I do things to get me out of my comfort zone. I'm hoping this will get me to rolling on the "plan". I also feel guilty to have the possibility of enjoying the "plan" without her. We both worked so hard to get to this point in life. Only to get the wind nocked out of our sails.

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bradley1985
On 4/11/2017 at 5:28 PM, Llad said:

My wife was the love of my life and, after four months, I am still despondent.   I choke up every day when I think of her and have been having bouts of insomnia and panic attacks as well.

I met and dated her in high school and met up with her again at our twenty year reunion.  We had been married over 25 years. She was 64 years old and we were planning on retirement soon and traveling around the world..  

All of those dreams are now broken and shattered.

The loss of my beloved spouse has to be one of the worst events to ever happen in my lifetime.  

Llad,  

I am in no position to offer advice but only words that you are not alone.  I know these feelings of insomnia, panic, and choking up.  I can breathe fine in the sense I can take in air but very hard to breathe normal.  The chest and lungs feel like they will never breathe the same again.  My nerves from my the top of my head to my toes feel like they have been electrocuted or frayed or fried 24 hours a day.  I dont take any medication except a very small dose of ativan for panic/anxiety when I cant take it any more.  Ativan definitely has its place but I am no longer taking it dailey so I get the luxury of feeling more pain.

This is by far the worse event to ever happen in my lifetime.  Like you say the broken dreams and lost future hurt bad.  At first it was her that I missed.  Now as time goes on the sorrows keep piling up and the magnitude of the loss feels like it will never quit setting in.  My experience is that as the anxiety goes down the magnitude and sadness for what could have been (what should have been IMO) keeps going up.

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KavitaHubby

Hi Llad,

So sorry for your loss. I lost my wife last Aug suddenly to medical injury. We were to complete 20 years of been together a day later. Just take baby steps as the mind otherwise doesn't work. All our plans are vanished and left with cruel life. Some people take longer than others so just try to move forward one day at a time.

 

 

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