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Anniversary


GreenL

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Today is our anniversary. 

We went away last year and we decided that each year going forwards we would pick somewhere new to travel to and explore. One of the many plans we didn't get to do.

It has really hit hard today that he is gone. Forever.

I have never, ever missed someone the way I miss him. It hurts so much. :(

I'm not sure how to deal with special occasions that should be happy celebrations, does anyone have any tips? 

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They say it helps to have a plan.  Whether to spend time with others or to spend it alone is a personal decision.  Some try to carry out the plans they would have had if their spouse was alive, some choose to honor them by doing something they would have liked, even if just going to their favorite restaurant and ordering their favorite food.  Some choose to ignore the whole thing.  Whatever brings you any degree of comfort, do that.   (((hugs)))

I never have figured out what to say, Happy Anniversary seems hollow when they're gone and it doesn't feel so happy anymore, but I do wish you well today whatever you decide to do.  Perhaps you can let us know later how you chose to handle it.

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4 hours ago, GreenL said:

Today is our anniversary. 

We went away last year and we decided that each year going forwards we would pick somewhere new to travel to and explore. One of the many plans we didn't get to do.

It has really hit hard today that he is gone. Forever.

I have never, ever missed someone the way I miss him. It hurts so much. :(

I'm not sure how to deal with special occasions that should be happy celebrations, does anyone have any tips? 

I have a anniversary coming up - actually it is this Saturday, April 15 - we would have been married for 45 years.  We had made plans and after his passing, I was in such a low state of mind and decided not to do anything. I had anticipated that it was going to be a gloom-doom day and I would be a gloom-doom person.   After seeing my grief counselor, and taking his advise changed my feelings. Now I looking forward to taking my family out so we can all celebrate the many years of love Charles and I shared.  Had he been alive, he would have done so, with that said, I'm going to carry on the tradition.  We will dine at one of our favorite restaurants telling stories of what my Charles meant to us.  Actually, I looking forward to it - I may not get through the evening without having my own personal tsunami, but my family will be there to hold me up - and you know what - so will Charles.  Pray for me. 

3 hours ago, KayC said:

I never have figured out what to say, Happy Anniversary seems hollow when they're gone and it doesn't feel so happy anymore, but I do wish you well today whatever you decide to do.  Perhaps you can let us know later how you chose to handle it.

KayC, you're so right.  Happy Anniversary doesn't fit.   My sister (knowing that my 45 anniversary was fastly approaching) asked the pastor if there was any words that might be acceptable when wishing someone happy anniversary when they lost their significant other.  He responded:

  • Say something before the anniversary if you can. Even a belated acknowledgment is better than none.
  • Avoid cheer greetings.
    Don’t say, “Happy Anniversary” as if this year is no different (even though you do wish them happiness).
    Don’t say, “Have a wonderful anniversary” (because without their beloved spouse that’s not likely).
  • Acknowledge the loss. Anniversaries after death are inextricably interwoven with that loss. You might consider
    • “I’m thinking of you as your anniversary approaches.”
    • “You’re on my mind this week. I know this anniversary will be different.”
    •  “I know you’re missing your sweetheart.”
    • “You’re in my thoughts and prayers.”

 

 

 

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GreenL,   No matter what you have chosen to finish out this *special* day, just know we are all thinking of you. (HUGS)

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Francine,

Thank you for sharing possible responses.  A lot of times people realize the time is approaching and don't know what to say...so don't say anything, which doesn't help the person either.  We need to feel cared about all the more so as we go through these hard times.

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