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Andrew's girl

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Andrew's girl

I have not written on here (or even on my journal) for a while now.I could no longer write about my feelings through this anymore. I've been on 'auto pilot' trying to function as best as I can,doing only what's really necessary. My mind has been racing,I try to get decent sleep but the thoughts don't stop.

 

Early last week,I got into an accident of some sort, I was crossing the road on a pretty busy street, as usual my mind was so far from the moment, things happened really fast, this car swerved right to where i was walking and hit me,i fell on my left side.I was lucky enough to escape with soft tissue injuries on my arm and knee and not broken bones.I know things could have been worse. In all this ,I broke my phone. It can now not work at all,totally wrecked. I have photos and videos of Andrew and me on it,I managed to back some up,but I can't seem to recover our texts conversations. I always found myself reading our messages ,I felt his voice in the texts,reading the 'I love you's on the text,I found my comfort there.Now I have lost that.It feels like another part of him I have lost. I hate it.I feel like my world is spinning too fast and I'm losing my mind.

 

I know that it may not seem as much but it is to me.I can't lose a part of Andrew again. Its been three months now,and no things are not getting better with time.I have never had an accident in my life until now,I have never lost someone who was my world until now. I wrote here hoping maybe saying things out loud will help me work my thoughts and feelings through.

 

Thank you.

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I am so sorry, but I am glad you weren't hurt worse!  Have you taken it to a phone place to see if anyone there can recover anything?  I remember when I lost my voice recordings of George on my phones, it was horrible, like losing him again if that makes any sense.  I hadn't known they'd disappear.

Time alone does nothing to heal us, it takes great effort to process their deaths and work through our grief.  That's why they have grief counselors that can help direct us.  There are so many books, articles, etc. to read as well, everything we do to help us through this journey is a help.

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Andrews Girl, echoing KayC, I'm glad you weren't "seriously" hurt, but getting hit by a car is always serious. 

And I understand about the text messages and not wanting to lose yet another part of him. I moved my phones to a less expensive carrier, but I've left my wife's phone on the old account. I still text her phone, it allows me to "interact" with her in a small way. I understand, it carries more meaning now than most things ever will. I truly understand. 

You and I are very close in terms of time since our beloveds passed, I know the despair you feel, I know it FAR to well. It's true what KayC said about time, it does NOT heal nor does it make our pain any less painful. It might allow us to process and cope better on a daily basis, but that isn't the same as "getting easier"  

I hope you mend, body and soul, I pray you find a small measure of peace and comfort, love

Andy

 

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Andrew's girl

Hi Andy and Kay C,

Thank you. It's very overwhelming for me right now,I'm feeling like I should have know better (backed up all my texts or something) ,I'm now constantly afraid I'll loose something else.It all comes down to I miss Andrew ,I keep looking for him in everything.I have had a picture of him in my wallet(pretty old pic,been there maybe for an year) a few days ago I found the old pic in my wallet,it was hidden behind a few cards.At first,looking at his face,it felt so unfamiliar ,then it hit me and I broke down,i realized how long it had actually been. I miss his face, i miss him.

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Andrew's girl, I am sorry about your accident and thank goodness you were not seriously hurt. We have to be really careful for awhile and be more aware of our surroundings and what activities we involve ourselves in, at this time. Our minds are still reeling from our loss. We are not functioning at 100%. Accidents and injuries are more likely to happen. 

I am sorry for your grieving. None of us should be here in this unwanted club. It is a safe place that we need for ourselves, out of necessity. We need all the shoulders and support we can get.  Take care of yourself. Andrew is sending you his love and strength. Sit still, breathe, and tune into him and you will feel his love and calmness surround you.

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What? 

22 hours ago, Andrew's girl said:

I have not written on here (or even on my journal) for a while now.I could no longer write about my feelings through this anymore. I've been on 'auto pilot' trying to function as best as I can,doing only what's really necessary. My mind has been racing,I try to get decent sleep but the thoughts don't stop.

 

Early last week,I got into an accident of some sort, I was crossing the road on a pretty busy street, as usual my mind was so far from the moment, things happened really fast, this car swerved right to where i was walking and hit me,i fell on my left side.I was lucky enough to escape with soft tissue injuries on my arm and knee and not broken bones.I know things could have been worse. In all this ,I broke my phone. It can now not work at all,totally wrecked. I have photos and videos of Andrew and me on it,I managed to back some up,but I can't seem to recover our texts conversations. I always found myself reading our messages ,I felt his voice in the texts,reading the 'I love you's on the text,I found my comfort there.Now I have lost that.It feels like another part of him I have lost. I hate it.I feel like my world is spinning too fast and I'm losing my mind.

 

I know that it may not seem as much but it is to me.I can't lose a part of Andrew again. Its been three months now,and no things are not getting better with time.I have never had an accident in my life until now,I have never lost someone who was my world until now. I wrote here hoping maybe saying things out loud will help me work my thoughts and feelings through.

 

Thank you.

What? Oh my God - are you sure you're OK?  Thank God it was nothing to serious; but it could have.  I know you're still grieving Andrew's death, but you're gonna have to be more aware of your surrounding.  (Sorry, guess I'm chastising you, like a mom)   I know how you feel; phones might break, text might get erased, and perhaps photos may be deleted or destroyed, they are all things and no matter how you treasure them, they can't outweigh the love in your heart for Andrew.  That love can never be deleted, erased or broken.   The loss of Andrew is still quite fresh in your mind, it's only been three months so quite naturally, your world is unsettled.  One of the greatest tragedies in life is to lose your own sense of self - never let that happen; just because your world is spinning, doesn't mean you have to turn it.   When it feels like your world is spinning faster and faster and you are out of control, or perhaps there's so much to do so many places to be, so many people to please.....and all this leaves you empty and exhausted, know that God will comfort and calm your spirit and fill you with everlasting peace. 

Take it one day at a time sweetie, I've said it before and I'll say it again, you are strong - I want you to know that.   There is no magic potions to end this grief; no fairy dust and no one to do it for you.  You'll have to get over it yourself - and you will because you can and you know deep down inside that is what Andrew would want  of you.  That inner strength will push you, show you how to put one determined foot in front of the other. That's what it will do; it's inside of you. Dig down inside, find it and watch it happen. 

You know I'm praying for you and sending hugs your way.  You can reach me anytime you need to just talk, scream or want to vent.  We are all here for you but mostly, God is here for us all.

Feel Better, get better and be strong. 

 

 

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Andrew's girl
10 hours ago, Francine said:

What? Oh my God - are you sure you're OK?  Thank God it was nothing to serious; but it could have.  I know you're still grieving Andrew's death, but you're gonna have to be more aware of your surrounding

 

 

Yes I am really okay:) I know I'll have to be more alert.That was "my wake up call" I need to take care of myself better,as hard as it is:(

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I hope you're taking very good care of yourself and you're under a doctor's care...

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