Losing Randy

[Mika]

He was 19 When they decided to rob and kill my 19 year old son in 2015. We just finished trial were the jurors found 1 guilty and let the other kids go due to not enough evidence even tho it was enough evidence the jurors didn't want to send 2 boys up for the same crime so they let them go. My life has been a nightmare since they killed Randy. As I sat through 21/2 weeks of testimony about what happened to my son I couldn't believe that they still killed him after he was so willing to help them any way he could. I couldn't believe the jurors let the other boy go. Out of a total of 7 people only 2 got charges everyone else was let free. 

Every night I wake up at 3 because he normally be in his studio trying to get his music done. He would come upstairs and talk with me a little from disturbing my sleep... I miss him disturbing me. 

It's been 2 years and I can't get life back. Every single day I'm trying to hold on to my sanity and continue to raise my other kid and be there for my older daughter. I know if I'm hurting they are hurting as well. My 9 year old miss his brother. They were close... Randy use to say his little brother was the son he never had... he was only 19. I wish God will bring him back. We want him back but we know that we will never have that and it hurts. And it's like people see it but don't understand because it isn't their son. We miss Randy everyday.

[Tommy's mum]

Mika I am so sorry for what happened to your son and you must feel so angry and frustrated that the other guilty boys were let off scot free. Losing a child is always horrific and ones that are the victim of a crime sometimes cause a complicated grief reaction within the family. This complicated grief takes longer to deal with and very often requires some extra help and counselling, have you had some help? Your son was really handsome and that cheeky grin must be sorely missed. Join us on Loss of an adult child thread it is the most active and there are many of us bereaved parents there who can listen to you and try and help you a little. Take care

 

[My girl is in heaven]

Hi Mika.  I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Randy.  It is painful enough just to have lost a child, but can't imagine having to sit through a trial and especially with the outcome you got. I don't know but maybe you can start healing now.  I am new here too but there is a lot of support from kind and caring people who have been in our shoes. And you are right people do not understand if they have not been where we have been.  They have no idea.  It took me the last six years to realize that friends and family will fade away. I am so glad you found this site.  They told me to post on loss of an adult child, as that is where there are the most people to talk to.  Don't give up. We can all get thru this together. 

[Mika]

Thank you for listening Tommy and Lou Ann. I'm trying to cope naturally no drugs or alcohol. This is hard and sometimes I just want to scream. I keep my faith in God to help get through the pain because I sleep eat and breath what they did to him. I thank God for blessing me with my other seeds... life would be crazy without them. They also help keep me grounded. I am glad I found this site because it shows me that there is a supportive group out here that you can speak your mind without thinking I'm sad or depressed even tho I am. I miss Randy... he was my Angel before he was taken. May he rest in heaven. Thank you again for listening.

[Tommy's mum]

Mika Coping naturally is a good way to go but maybe consider there is no shame in needing a little extra help. Antidepressants and sleeping meds saved me from being at rock bottom with nowhere to go, and with therapy I see light where there was none before. you are depressed and no wonder you lost a child, the absolutely worst thing you could ever lose, that is an inner pain that will always be with you throughout your life. However you deserve a full life, one which can still experience happiness, and lose the anger injustice bitterness guilt fear and all the other negative emotions so you can learn to shine again. By the way screaming is a very natural way to express yourself and forces deeply buried emotions out which is very therapeutic. I have done it several times but always in a very isolated place where noone can hear me! We are all present to hear you Mika you are not alone. keep posting and sharing. Loss of an adult child is the most active thread on this forum and keeps us all in one place. go to the very last page of the thread and just post. You will be answered. Take care

[Mika]

Thank you Tommy but trust I have no shame I just haven't did that part yet. I haven't hurt nobody I'm still active and all... this is something I deal with on a daily. And have been since 2015. I know this pain will be with me forever... I know. 

[Devianz]

Mika,

I am so sorry for your loss. Last July my 20 year old son was murdered in cold blood, just three weeks before his 21st birthday.  My son Nathan would have given anyone anything, including the shirt off his back if he thought you needed it more than he did.  He was an older brother too, and my youngest son is 16 now and misses his brother every day. We struggle with coping, and watch as our friends drift away from us because they cannot understand the pain. It's so much.  Some days it's so much that it feels like the house just isn't big enough to hold the sorrow inside anymore.  I don't think it will ever stop hurting.

I am so sorry we are going through this, and it's so much harder when it gets drawn out by trials because of a violent death. There is no reasoning for it to have happened, there is no true justice, there is only pain and no answers.

My heart goes out to you in your time of great sadness. We still have the trial to go through, and we have hearings along the way where I have to sit and look at the man who murdered my son in cold blood and I want to scream.  I want to stand up and scream at him. I want to stand up and scream at his mother for raising such a monster. Screaming is a natural reaction to rage... and we have a reason to rage. I will not stop screaming until I feel like someone is listening, and maybe not even then.

*hugs*

[TearsInHeaven]

Mika, losing your beautiful son is the hardest thing you can experience and adding the difficulty of a trial and all has had to been unbelievable.  You are a few months later than me on this frightful journey of grief.  Somehow, someway you have come this far.  I find sleep to be elusive most of the time.  Maybe 4 hours a night if I am lucky.... I am a couple of years into this and the path of grief throws things at you. But having the ability to get my feelings out  has helped...if helped is the right word.... There is not a day goes by that I do not think of losing my son and the sorrow is always hanging around my heart. I can probably admit to crying daily still.  Not always the gut wrenching cry from early on but a thought, saying his name, can make the tears come. There is not a morning that I wake (and sleep is not always a willing action) that I do not think my son is gone.  Somehow I cope and you are also--taking care of your children during this has been difficult for you I am sure but you are keeping your family afloat. You are probably doing so many "what ifs' in your mind.  Just take it one day (or one hour or one minute) at a time. But while your grief will become a part of you you will find that somehow you will adjust to this new normal in your life.  But don't beat yourself up about it not happening in a moment.  You loved your son not only for his 19 years with you but for all of the future you saw in your "mother's eyes". Time is what will help.  Cry when you need to, I am sure it will come often. There is nothing wrong with that. Lesley and Lou ann are right.  Please come join us on Loss Of An Adult Child. It is the most active thread and there are so many parents that post regularly and have truly been a lifeline for me. I have a long way to go but after interacting with this forum I now find the word hope is not as foreign as it was.  It takes a lot of time to heal. Grief always lasts longer than the people around you expect it to and does not come with an expiration date. Small steps will move you forward on this journey. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Our journey is a lifetime, and the number of steps it will take is incomprehensibly frightening.  You do not have be be alone.  We are here for you.