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This is a bad month for me


cp9042

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This month, last year, is when my world changed.  It was when my husband went to the hospital for a CT scan for the pain in his back to find out he had Stage IV Pancreatic cancer.  It is the worst feeling in the world, and tomorrow is my birthday.  I don't know how I will celebrate at all, but I will just try to pull through.  Sometimes I don't know if it is worth it at all.  I feel so alone and hopeless, and in so much pain.

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cp9042, i am sorry for how you are feeling. The pain and heartache never seem to end. I find myself doing the same as you. I have been in the habit of keeping each year's calendar ever since I met my husband. Not just appointments, but the special things I wrote in. This time last year, my husband was still here and we were enjoying spring and being outdoors.Every month that has gone by now, I look at that month from the previous year and wonder where it all went so wrong.

For your sake, Happy Birthday. We are here for you.

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I'm so sorry for you; and I know the world changing feeling.   I'm always comparing the times - with my husband and after my husband.  The worst feelings, are of course, after my Charles.  Nothing matters anymore for me; life is just existing from day to day; no anticipation; no planning; no looking forward to doing things; no expectation; no nothing.  It is worth it?  I don't know - don't think so; but on the flip side, sometimes when things are falling apart, they may actually be falling into place. 

Try having a good birthday; I'm sure your husband would have wanted you to.   God bless and keep you safe.

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CP,

I know it sounds hollow to wish you a happy birthday, but I truly hope you will have something good in your day.  My birthday after George died, no one remembered, no one wished me a happy birthday all day and I couldn't help but note the disparity between when he was alive and my birthday with him gone, he always made a big deal of it.  I cried myself to sleep.

I hope you have those around that remember you and make you feel special.

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KayC

I am sorry no one remembered your birthday after your George passed - that's so sad and really must have been awful for you.  Tell you what - let us know when your birthday is and I promise you, we will all remember - after all, we're family.  :D

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Ah Francine, you are a sweetie.  I've gotten more used to things in the years since, but it sure was a rude awakening that first year.  Normally my best friend would remember but she was flying out that evening and had that on her mind...now she's moved back to TX and I miss her.  One thing I've learned about life, it sure has it's changes, doesn't it.

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