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Janiceguest


Janiceguest

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Janiceguest

I finally realize I'm not getting through the grief of losing my husband Larry of 34 years. The loveless is so bad everyone tells me to get out find hobby etc. But the depression keeps at home. Isolated. Can't be around a lot of people Don't know what to do I just sit and cry.  And it's been 4 years I've tried church. Talking with people. But can't get away from the sadness. Larry was also my best friend. Looking for answers. Thanks

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Hi Janice, welcome here.  I'm sorry you also lost your husband, mine has been gone nearly 12 years.  You say you can't get away from the sadness, that's because we carry it with us now, like a badge of the love we once got to enjoy.  My husband was also my best friend, hands down!  It's hard to enjoy a hobby when you have no "want to" due to your grief.  I have been making cards for 30 years, but have no desire to do so anymore.  It helped when I belonged to a group that shared ideas, techniques, exchanged cards, etc. but I no longer drive at night.  I do get out most days for a little while, I volunteer twice a week at a senior site, I also am church treasurer and on their praise team and choir and belong to a group of ladies that meets once a week.  But I understand feeling alone in a crowd and of course when I come home it's to be alone again.  I have a dog and a cat and that helps.  My dog is a life saver, seriously and I walk him twice a day every day.  Keep trying, keep getting out.  I had a close friend who'd also lost her husband and it helped being around her but now she's remarried and moved a few states away.  I just haven't found anyone like her yet.  I think loneliness is one of the hardest things we combat.

It took me probably three years just to process my husband's death, it took me much much longer to build a life I can life and find purpose.  It's never the same as it was with them.  If my kids were closer it might help but I don't want to disrupt and uproot my life where it's been home to me these past 40 years until I absolutely have to.

Have you tried grief counseling?  I lead a grief support group here as there has never been one in this town (I'm in the country near a very small town) and it seems to help to have others that understand and we can talk it out.

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Janiceguest,  I am sorry you are feeling so lonely and distressed. I am sorry you lost your beloved husband. I understand all so well. Our spouses were our everything, our whole world. 4 years is a long time for the depression. Have you been to a doctor for help with it? Have you tried grief counselors/therapy?

Staying at home and keeping isolated is not healthy. I live in an isolated rural community. It takes driving time to go somewhere. I do get away at least a couple times a week. There is an older couple, friends of my husband, that I go visit every other week. Every time I get away from the house, it does help. I don't care for big crowds of people either. I do better with just a few.  The things or places like church that you have been trying, go back and try them again. This process takes baby steps. Each step takes courage and talking yourself into it. With each step, you feel stronger, it will build your self esteem back up. Just going for short walks, like I do, can be so helpful.

We still have our life to finish here. I don't feel your Larry would want for you to keep feeling sad and depressed. He would want you to continue on for him.Love never dies. You need to show him you can do this. When you are reunited with him in Heaven, you will have his love and pride that you did the rest of your life for yourself and him.

There are no answers for this process. We were placed on a new path in this life. We have no choice but to see where this new path takes us. Your Larry will be right by your side, guiding you along the way.. (HUGS)

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12 hours ago, Janiceguest said:

I finally realize I'm not getting through the grief of losing my husband Larry of 34 years. The loveless is so bad everyone tells me to get out find hobby etc. But the depression keeps at home. Isolated. Can't be around a lot of people Don't know what to do I just sit and cry.  And it's been 4 years I've tried church. Talking with people. But can't get away from the sadness. Larry was also my best friend. Looking for answers. Thanks

I'm so sorry for your loss.  I lost the love of my life just over 4 months ago and my mind still finds it hard to accept.  We had been married for nearly 45 years and like you, he was my best friend, my heart, my whole world.   We had a love for the ages and I am so proud to have him for my life partner and the love of my life.  We loved each other so very much and it gives me comfort that when he left this world, he knew it.   I think the best anyone can hope for in this world is to love and to be loved - my Charles knew both, first hand.     

I am sad that you're still in so much grief and pain; unfortunately we can't put a time frame on getting over our grief - we can't push it alone - it will take longer than we have patience for.  I don't really think we ever get over it; its there tucked away deep inside and can sprout its ugly head at anytime/any place.   We can't make it better, or make it go away, or fix it, or just get over it - it just won't happen.   Loveless is painful; growth is painful; change is painful; but nothing is as painful as sadness.  It's OK to cry; don't forget we are all human and it's OK to have a meltdown; just don't unpack and live there.  Cry, hopefully it'll make you feel somewhat better, but refocus on where you are and need to be. 

I'm learning that grief is a disorderly process you can't control and it disrupts our minds and thinking ability.  Piggy banking on KMB statement, maybe a counselor might give you some insight on your grief and help you get through it somehow.  It you haven't sought out any help, it certainly won't hurt.  

I personally believe in God and prayer. When we are tired, weary and emotionally distraught, spend some time alone with God and he will inject into us the energy, power and strength we need to get through.  Where are strength runs out, Gods strength begins

The shortest powerful name I know is GOD; the greatest abundant word I know is BLESS; and the person I wish all the best for today is YOU.   God bless and keep you, keep all of us safe.

 

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