Members Tami1971 Posted April 7, 2017 Members Report Share Posted April 7, 2017 Hi everyone, My grandmother whom I considered my mother (she raised me) passed away from heart complications on January 31st of this year. She had came home from the hospital a week prior with Hospice (I thought we would have a few months but it was only a week). It seems the longer is goes, the worse I am getting. I ONLY get out of the house when I HAVE to and even then I don't want to. At home, I put everything off for as long as I can as I don't want or feel like doing anything. It took me over a week just to write and mail a letter off. I watch my grandsons, 4 and 1 and I have so little patience with them. Hell, I don't have patience with anyone. My husband vapes and the noise of it makes me want to climb the walls. I can be feeling fine and out of nowhere I will start crying uncontrollably. My Mema was my rock. She was the one person that was never suppose to die ya know? She was 88 and I am 45. I do have a Hospice bereavement counselor but I have only seen her once so far. My husband is very supportive but this is even starting to cause issues in our relationship due to my mood swings which I don't like anymore than he does. I probably should mention that I already have a Bi Polar Type 2 and anxiety disorder which doesn't help things at all. I just feel like I am just going through the motions of daily life. I miss her so much and I honestly didn't know you could feel this alone with so much support from family and friends. Thank you for listening to me vent. Tami F. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Zara19 Posted April 7, 2017 Members Report Share Posted April 7, 2017 Hello Tami I'm sorry you are so distressed. I lost my Husband to heart issues after being sent home with Hospice Care. This was 6 months ago. I empathise and identify with you when you say you have no inclination to do anything and your moods are affected. No doubt you are snapping at those closest to you and feel as though you can hardly get out of bed. I really feel as if my mental stability has taken a battering and feel dreadful. You are doing the right thing with the Counselling. Everything feels pointless I understand. Just do what you can go get by and try not to take anything on that's not important. Take Care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members The Girl Posted April 8, 2017 Members Report Share Posted April 8, 2017 I'm so sorry for your loss, and that it had been cut short from what time you expected to have left. I've heard the first few months can be the "easiest" b/c there's still so much shock and denial at that time. Maybe that's what you're experiencing now, the shock wearing off and giving way to the full scope of your loss. I can totally relate to you on not having patience. Especially during the times where I feel my worst, my temper is short and my understanding wears thin. Are you able to do anything to get your mind off your loss? Or have you found a way to channel your grief into something that benefits you somehow? (Such as honoring your grandma in some way, or writing in a grief journal.) A loss that devastating is so much to take in w/o getting some sort of break from it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tami1971 Posted April 8, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted April 8, 2017 Thank you both of you! It is so nice to talk to other people who know what you are going through. My counselor said the same thing, that in the first month or two, you are so busy getting all affairs in order then after that reality sets in. What makes it even worse for me, is that my husband and I had moved in with my mother and grandmother to care for her and we are staying in the house where she passed. I don't know, my mind is so scattered I can't even talk complete sentences due to not remembering simple words such as "radio", etc... The only thing that gets my mind off of it is watching my grandsons. But even when I have them, sometimes I feel so overwhelmed. I have tried to journal but I don't like to write. 95% of the time I wake up thinking about her. I just miss her so much! I am so stressed out I can't even explain it. I care for my brother and mother who are both mildly mentally challenged as well. I guess everything together is completely overwhelming. Tami Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Zara19 Posted April 8, 2017 Members Report Share Posted April 8, 2017 Hi Tami Writing a journal is good. I do it as though I'm writing a letter or talking to my Husband telling him what I have been doing and adding a few memories. It's a comfort, not all the time but most times. My Husband passed away at home and I have not been back to stay as it's distressing so I know how you feel a bit on that front living in the house where you lost your Grandmother. I am staying with my mother who is elderly and not well. You have such a lot to deal with but it's good you have your Husband to rely on. Take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tami1971 Posted April 25, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted April 25, 2017 Zara, sorry for the delayed response. I am very sorry for your loss as well. Thank you for your kind words. Please take care of yourself! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Zara19 Posted April 29, 2017 Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2017 That's OK Tami, I hope you are doing as well as can be expected. This is so horrendous. Take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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