Loss of my husband

[Mrsviden]

Is it possible for the stages of grief to start all over again? Saturday will be 3 months and I just don't know how it's that long. 3 months of feeling nothing but pure guilt that I didn't do enough, that I wasn't good enough, or that he is disappointed in me. I still feel very much in shock, I can't recall what he looks like until I look at our picture, now if that doesn't make me sound like a crappy wife. What kind of wife forgets what her husband looks like until she looks at a picture?

Ive posted on here before on the guilt I feel, I always needed reassurance from him and now he's not here to give it to me. Those thoughts and feelings consume me, I don't have anyone to talk to about him so it's me myself and I going back and forth between yes he loves you, no he doesn't. It hurts that you can't pick up the phone and call and talk to someone, it hurts to discover majority of the people you talk to either don't care or don't get it. 

Guys, my heart is just broken and I feel so empty. I don't think I can keep doing this and going on to feel this way. 

[KMB]

Mrsviden, I feel that the stages of grief are quite able to recycle themselves at any time. We are still absorbing and processing our loss and it can take a very long time for our minds to do that. For me, the shock lasted about 4 months and denial was right in there. The denial lasted longer. It still rears its ugly head at me from time to time. The 6th month mark was reality. I felt like I was starting over from day 1 of my loss. I was spending huge chunks of time in bed, crying. And yes, I found myself going through those feelings of guilt. Could I have done more? Should I have pushed the doctors more for something different? I am slowly getting myself beyond those guilt feelings. I am only human. I did my best at the time. If something different could have been done, the opportunity would have presented itself. I have the belief that our lives are pre-destined. Our individual lives work out the way they are meant to. I believe we are here to learn lessons for soul growth. Joys need to be balanced with sorrow. We cannot see the comfort in those words, but life is not meant to be easy.

I hope for your sake you are able to put the guilt feelings to rest. You did everything you were capable of doing at the time with what you knew at that time. Who said you were not good enough? Your husband chose you for his wife. He thought you were good enough, worthy enough for that title. Everyone is worthy of love. Since your husband loved you and was proud of you as his wife, I'm sure he is not disappointed in you.

No, you are NOT a crappy wife just because now, at this time in your grieving, you cannot remember what he looks like without looking at a photo. This is all part of the grieving, all the emotions swirling around obstructing our memories. Our minds are a chaotic mess. We all experience this, so you are not the only one.

Plain and simple, this is grieving. We are trying to process a most traumatic loss.Our hearts are broken and our existence has a huge empty, lonely void that our loved one filled .I know how painful it is for you. For all of us. We will make it, one day at a time. We'll slowly rebuild a different life for ourselves. Not the life we had, that is impossible,  but hopefully something that will give us a feeling of meaning, purpose. A life that will make our loved ones proud and we will hear those words of love and praise when we are reunited with them again when it is our turn.

I'm so sorry, Mrsviden, that you have no one to talk to, to give you comfort and support. I'm in my grieving all alone also. It hurts beyond words when people leave your life when you need them the most. I just take it as a sign that those people were not meant to stay in my friendship circle forever. My chapter of life with my husband is over. i guess that means I need new friends also, besides trying to figure out a different life for myself.

Please, keep posting. This is my life line and you need this life line also. (HUGS)

[Mrsviden]

6 minutes ago, KMB said:

Mrsviden, I feel that the stages of grief are quite able to recycle themselves at any time. We are still absorbing and processing our loss and it can take a very long time for our minds to do that. For me, the shock lasted about 4 months and denial was right in there. The denial lasted longer. It still rears its ugly head at me from time to time. The 6th month mark was reality. I felt like I was starting over from day 1 of my loss. I was spending huge chunks of time in bed, crying. And yes, I found myself going through those feelings of guilt. Could I have done more? Should I have pushed the doctors more for something different? I am slowly getting myself beyond those guilt feelings. I am only human. I did my best at the time. If something different could have been done, the opportunity would have presented itself. I have the belief that our lives are pre-destined. Our individual lives work out the way they are meant to. I believe we are here to learn lessons for soul growth. Joys need to be balanced with sorrow. We cannot see the comfort in those words, but life is not meant to be easy.

I hope for your sake you are able to put the guilt feelings to rest. You did everything you were capable of doing at the time with what you knew at that time. Who said you were not good enough? Your husband chose you for his wife. He thought you were good enough, worthy enough for that title. Everyone is worthy of love. Since your husband loved you and was proud of you as his wife, I'm sure he is not disappointed in you.

No, you are NOT a crappy wife just because now, at this time in your grieving, you cannot remember what he looks like without looking at a photo. This is all part of the grieving, all the emotions swirling around obstructing our memories. Our minds are a chaotic mess. We all experience this, so you are not the only one.

Plain and simple, this is grieving. We are trying to process a most traumatic loss.Our hearts are broken and our existence has a huge empty, lonely void that our loved one filled .I know how painful it is for you. For all of us. We will make it, one day at a time. We'll slowly rebuild a different life for ourselves. Not the life we had, that is impossible,  but hopefully something that will give us a feeling of meaning, purpose. A life that will make our loved ones proud and we will hear those words of love and praise when we are reunited with them again when it is our turn.

I'm so sorry, Mrsviden, that you have no one to talk to, to give you comfort and support. I'm in my grieving all alone also. It hurts beyond words when people leave your life when you need them the most. I just take it as a sign that those people were not meant to stay in my friendship circle forever. My chapter of life with my husband is over. i guess that means I need new friends also, besides trying to figure out a different life for myself.

Please, keep posting. This is my life line and you need this life line also. (HUGS)

I often have no words other than I just miss him. Thank you for your insight, I come here because I don't know if what I'm feeling is normal, I am for sure in denial because I always have to stop myself and say no Cody he's not going to walk in the door at any moment. I don't feel like this life is real anymore I feel like I'm just in it, going through the motions. What i would give to hear his voice again, what I would give to kiss him goodnight again or to just randomly say hey I love you and he would always say I love you more. I guess it's just the self doubt I have that makes me feel like because he's not here he doesn't love me anymore when in fact it may be the other way around he may love me even more now. 

New friends are hard, because you have to explain things, then they talk about their current love life. One friend is currently cheating on her boyfriend and I'm wishing I had my husband back, we are at two very different stages of life. I guess I can look at this forum as my "friends" I wish I would've met y'all on different circumstances but it is what it is. 

God bless you 

[KMB]

Mrsviden, I get it. I know exactly how you feel. I still have moments when I pray so hard, begging, to see my husband walk in the door and say *I'm home, dear*. That scenario will only happen in memories. I also carry a future scenario. When it is my turn to leave this life, I will meet my husband, run into his arms and say, *I'm home, dear*.

Our self esteem took a huge blow. That could be where our self doubt, our feelings of guilt and all the other negatives come into play.

I haven't made any new friends yet. A new friend should deserve 100% of me. I don't know who *me* is right now. I'm still in the process of taking baby steps out of my comfort zone.

[Francine]

2 hours ago, Mrsviden said:

Is it possible for the stages of grief to start all over again? Saturday will be 3 months and I just don't know how it's that long. 3 months of feeling nothing but pure guilt that I didn't do enough, that I wasn't good enough, or that he is disappointed in me. I still feel very much in shock, I can't recall what he looks like until I look at our picture, now if that doesn't make me sound like a crappy wife. What kind of wife forgets what her husband looks like until she looks at a picture?

Ive posted on here before on the guilt I feel, I always needed reassurance from him and now he's not here to give it to me. Those thoughts and feelings consume me, I don't have anyone to talk to about him so it's me myself and I going back and forth between yes he loves you, no he doesn't. It hurts that you can't pick up the phone and call and talk to someone, it hurts to discover majority of the people you talk to either don't care or don't get it. 

Guys, my heart is just broken and I feel so empty. I don't think I can keep doing this and going on to feel this way. 

Not only is it possible, it's probable.  Today marks exactly 4 months since my Charles was taken from this earth and the day is not going well for me, (I had anticipated it wouldn't).  That day when my heart was ripped from my chest; that day, when my world ended (for all practical purposes); that day that changed me forever.   I know only to personally when you say your heart is broken and the emptiness you feel.  There are times what I hurt so much from losing him that I could swear that every bone inside my body feels if they were breaking along with my heart. That feeling you get in your stomach, when your heart's broken; it's like all the butterflies just died.  It sucks like hell when the only person who can make you feel better is also the reason why you cry.  You CAN do this and you WILL get through it.   We, as women, are strong; maybe not physically, but mentally.  We make 'broken' look 'beautiful'; we make 'strong' look 'invincible'; we carry the weight of the world on our shoulders and we still move forward.  A funny quote comes to mind when I think about a women's strength - "A strong woman went to sleep one night and got a good night sleep, in the morning when she awoke, she stretched, yawned and put her feet on the floor ready to start her day when the devil said, "HELL, SHE'S UP. "

KMB  - you are spot on in your post, so beautiful written and expressed; you touch on all anyone could say.  And your future scenario quote  - it literally brought me to tears  -  I'm  speechless - I can envision saying that when I see my Charles again.  Thank you for that and for all you do uplifting others. 

 

 

[Mrsviden]

1 hour ago, Francine said:

Not only is it possible, it's probable.  Today marks exactly 4 months since my Charles was taken from this earth and the day is not going well for me, (I had anticipated it wouldn't).  That day when my heart was ripped from my chest; that day, when my world ended (for all practical purposes); that day that changed me forever.   I know only to personally when you say your heart is broken and the emptiness you feel.  There are times what I hurt so much from losing him that I could swear that every bone inside my body feels if they were breaking along with my heart. That feeling you get in your stomach, when your heart's broken; it's like all the butterflies just died.  It sucks like hell when the only person who can make you feel better is also the reason why you cry.  You CAN do this and you WILL get through it.   We, as women, are strong; maybe not physically, but mentally.  We make 'broken' look 'beautiful'; we make 'strong' look 'invincible'; we carry the weight of the world on our shoulders and we still move forward.  A funny quote comes to mind when I think about a women's strength - "A strong woman went to sleep one night and got a good night sleep, in the morning when she awoke, she stretched, yawned and put her feet on the floor ready to start her day when the devil said, "HELL, SHE'S UP. "

KMB  - you are spot on in your post, so beautiful written and expressed; you touch on all anyone could say.  And your future scenario quote  - it literally brought me to tears  -  I'm  speechless - I can envision saying that when I see my Charles again.  Thank you for that and for all you do uplifting others. 

 

 

Francine, I'm sorry today is rough on you, I know all too well how when the 8th rolls around it's not a good day. It stops you in its tracks and makes you think how in the world has it already been this long without him. I do agree with you when you mention we as women are strong, it makes perfect sense. The 8th used to just be the day my phone bill was due now it's the date of my husbands passing. My body feels so hollow inside as if there's nothing in there but somehow I'm still breathing. Again, I'm very sorry for your loss and wish you peace and comfort not only today but throughout the days to come. 

KMB: Wow, I'm just going to echo what Francine said and say how beautiful that is. It makes me think of what I will say to my husband and then I will know that my heart is no longer broken because I'm with him again. 

 

[Andy]

6 hours ago, KMB said:

Mrsviden, I get it. I know exactly how you feel. I still have moments when I pray so hard, begging, to see my husband walk in the door and say *I'm home, dear*. That scenario will only happen in memories. I also carry a future scenario. When it is my turn to leave this life, I will meet my husband, run into his arms and say, *I'm home, dear*.

Our self esteem took a huge blow. That could be where our self doubt, our feelings of guilt and all the other negatives come into play.

I haven't made any new friends yet. A new friend should deserve 100% of me. I don't know who *me* is right now. I'm still in the process of taking baby steps out of my comfort zone.

You've hit the nail on the head, I don't know who "me" is right now. This times a 1000. Our worlds get turned inside out, it all goes up in flames, and part of who we were goes up with it. I know who I was, but I can't still be a large part of that person, so it's pretty terrifying trying to figure out who this guy is looking back at me in the mirror. 

[KMB]

Andy, I tend to think of this process as a kind of regression event. Going back to childhood. Those teen years when you are trying to figure out who you are and what you want for yourself.. I feel like I did when I left home for college. Scared, alone, homesick. The start of a new chapter in life.I sure do wish this new chapter still included my husband. I can carry him with my in my heart and in spirit. I'll have to settle for that.

[Mrsviden]

I've got a quick question for you all. When someone states that you should "move on" would you take that as they are basically saying you need to get over it? 

[AceBasin]

5 minutes ago, Mrsviden said:

I've got a quick question for you all. When someone states that you should "move on" would you take that as they are basically saying you need to get over it? 

My reaction is that such a person is insensitive and does not have a clue what they are talking about. I would ignore the comment and not even try to ascertain what they meant. Of course, if they persisted, I would probably have a pointed response and ask where they got their medical degree.

[Mrsviden]

21 minutes ago, AceBasin said:

My reaction is that such a person is insensitive and does not have a clue what they are talking about. I would ignore the comment and not even try to ascertain what they meant. Of course, if they persisted, I would probably have a pointed response and ask where they got their medical degree.

Ok thank you AceBasin, this same person has made the comment more than once and after the day I had today I just flat out said moving on is not ever going to happen, that's like saying to get over it she argued with me and stated that it did not mean that. I will go with she's insensitive and doesn't know what she's talking about. Thank you again, j hope you are doing well.

[Guest]

Hello. I am new to this forum. I lost my beautiful husband in December 2015 so that is about 16 months ago, I guess. The one thing that I would say to you is that it is such early days for you at the moment. I am still told that now and I think that it will be that way for some time to come. I can think back to how I was a week after the death (suicide), a month after the death, two months, three months etc and I can empathise with you completely. I still walk round looking heavenward hoping that he will be looking down for me but mostly I think he is at peace now away from his demons. I miss him terribly.  I have tried to move forward from that awful turning point in my life by doing normal things such as getting back to work, going out, feeding myself (my husband did all of that!),walking my dog. It is just going through the motions though. I crave his touch, a kiss or his embrace. It drives me mad that I can't have that.  I'm afraid I would love to give you some advice but I can't other than look after yourself, keep doing the things that you need to do, go out, meet new and old friends. The awfulness of grief and yearning does not go away but time helps you cope with it. I measure this by how much I cry. This is definitely less and for shorter amounts of time now.  I am trying to think about the future but it just isn't real for me any more so I just try to stay in the present to get through.  I have read other inspirational stories of suicide survivors and I know that there is another new life out there for me, whenever I am ready to take it, however long that takes. My heart aches for you. 

[KMB]

Mist, Welcome to this forum, or rather, the club that we didn't think we would have need of. But, we do need this forum. A safe place where we can be heard and be supportive of each other. Many wonderful people here that have been my comfort, support and inspiration. My life line.

I am sorry for your loss. I know so well how much you miss your beloved husband. We always will until the day when we are reunited again. Moving forward is so hard, isn't it? Just going through the motions of existing. You are further along your journey than I am. I cannot at this time conceive on where I am going to be in 16 months. Probably where I am now, just existing and trying to figure out who I am now. Common sense tells me I have to find *me* before i can think of what to do with the rest of my life.

Hang in there, Mist. You have us now. (HUGS)

[Mrsviden]

10 hours ago, Mist said:

Hello. I am new to this forum. I lost my beautiful husband in December 2015 so that is about 16 months ago, I guess. The one thing that I would say to you is that it is such early days for you at the moment. I am still told that now and I think that it will be that way for some time to come. I can think back to how I was a week after the death (suicide), a month after the death, two months, three months etc and I can empathise with you completely. I still walk round looking heavenward hoping that he will be looking down for me but mostly I think he is at peace now away from his demons. I miss him terribly.  I have tried to move forward from that awful turning point in my life by doing normal things such as getting back to work, going out, feeding myself (my husband did all of that!),walking my dog. It is just going through the motions though. I crave his touch, a kiss or his embrace. It drives me mad that I can't have that.  I'm afraid I would love to give you some advice but I can't other than look after yourself, keep doing the things that you need to do, go out, meet new and old friends. The awfulness of grief and yearning does not go away but time helps you cope with it. I measure this by how much I cry. This is definitely less and for shorter amounts of time now.  I am trying to think about the future but it just isn't real for me any more so I just try to stay in the present to get through.  I have read other inspirational stories of suicide survivors and I know that there is another new life out there for me, whenever I am ready to take it, however long that takes. My heart aches for you. 

It is with deep heart ache that I welcome you to this forum. My heart hurts for everyone on here because it's a forum we go to, to talk about our loved ones. I'm very sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. Thank you for the advice because that's mainly all you can do is try to take care of yourself the best you can. It definitely takes some getting used to and I'm not one for much change especially this kind of change. I catch myself looking up at the sky and wondering where he is up there and pray he's looking down on me. My heart goes out to you, and once again welcome to this bittersweet group.

[Andy]

Mrsviden, I hope you're having a better day today. I hope you're doing the best you can, I wanted to check in and see. Love and hugs.

Mist, I'm sorry for your loss and the grief you still endure, and thank you for sharing your story. I'm roughly 3 months (my wife passed 12/31/16) into this and it's misery. At times, a nearly unbearable sadness, wiping out any joy or happiness. I, like you, am starting to gauge the "coping" by how many buckets I cry. It has decreased, but not the intensity. Like the others, welcome, but not cheerfully, but please post as often as you see fit, there are beautiful and kind people here. 

Andy 

[Guest]

Thank you all for welcoming me to this forum. Yes, none of us wanted to be in this "club" but there is strength in knowing that there are people out there who are going through the same loss as me. I felt so sad when I read all of your posts here. It is so hard to keep going when grief kicks in. I have been doing fine for a while now but for the last couple of days I have pined so much for my husband. I just wanted to crawl into his arms and feel safe. You have to try to remember the positive things as well though. I have a wonderful son who looks after me so well. He looks and behaves so much like his Dad it makes me really proud. I have amazing and supportive family and friends who have looked after me so well over these awful months. Everyone at work has helped me integrate back into things again which is a godsend to keep my mind away from all of the sorrow. Well, lets see what tomorrow brings. There is a half moon in the sky and I always feel like my husband is looking down on me from the heavens. I hope that he is free, happy and safe from his awful demons.  With lots of love to you all. Xx

[Andy]

Mist, I too believe my wife is watching, listening, perhaps laughing, as I fumble my way through things. I hate this new world, I want to go back, but I can't. I can do nothing but put one foot in front of the other, hoping I don't fall too often. 

Anyway, I'm glad you "found" us. I'm sure your insight will help in so many ways, though I wish none of us had any of this "terrible wisdom".

Bless you and thank you,

Andy

[KayC]

Mrsviden,

The stages of grief are just possible stages, they can occur in any order, they can repeat, or you might not go through some of them at all.

You ask what kind of wife forgets what her husband looks like...the wife that has been through the biggest trauma of her life, brain trauma, the trauma of losing her husband, the shock, the aftermath, that's what kind of wife.  You are NOT a bad wife, please be kind and understanding of yourself, you've been through so much, I hate to see you being so hard on yourself.  You are a wonderful person, I can tell by your posts and what you've shown of your heart here, you deserve to be treated with care.

[KayC]

Mist,

Welcome here  I pray you find peace and comfort in your journey here.  Keep reading and posting, we're all just helping each other through this the best we can.

[Mrsviden]

17 hours ago, KayC said:

Mrsviden,

The stages of grief are just possible stages, they can occur in any order, they can repeat, or you might not go through some of them at all.

You ask what kind of wife forgets what her husband looks like...the wife that has been through the biggest trauma of her life, brain trauma, the trauma of losing her husband, the shock, the aftermath, that's what kind of wife.  You are NOT a bad wife, please be kind and understanding of yourself, you've been through so much, I hate to see you being so hard on yourself.  You are a wonderful person, I can tell by your posts and what you've shown of your heart here, you deserve to be treated with care.

Thank you KayC! 

 Today as expected is not a good day, today marks three months and I just don't even know how. Theee months and my life turned upside down in a matter of seconds.

[KMB]

Mrsviden, My prayers are with you today. Isn't this surreal that we are reduced to marking off months? We shouldn't have to be doing this. But life and its circumstances have forced us to. It is so hard to believe how we all manage to get through each day. It is coming up on 8 months for me. I cannot fathom how I have gotten this far without having a total breakdown and ending up in a hospital. I just keep thinking of my husband and knowing he would want me to carry on for him.

You will get through today, tonight, and tomorrow and many more tomorrows. You have all of us here, we have your back. (HUGS)

[Francine]

On 4/6/2017 at 9:55 PM, Mrsviden said:

I've got a quick question for you all. When someone states that you should "move on" would you take that as they are basically saying you need to get over it? 

The people who generally says things like that are the same people who have not lost the most person in their lives; it really pisses me off how insensitive some people can be; they need to learn that their words and actions do affect people.   I'm learning to grow thick skin against those people; they are just not worth my attention any more.

 

[Mrsviden]

3 hours ago, Francine said:

The people who generally says things like that are the same people who have not lost the most person in their lives; it really pisses me off how insensitive some people can be; they need to learn that their words and actions do affect people.   I'm learning to grow thick skin against those people; they are just not worth my attention any more.

 

Francine, slowly but surely I'm learning what you say is true. She said it's been three months you need to move on, I'll never move on I suppose I'll adjust to this hell of normal but never move on. When I told her she just doesn't get it she said I lost my grandma, I'm not saying that's not hard but losing a spouse is a lot different! 

[Mrsviden]

7 hours ago, KMB said:

Mrsviden, My prayers are with you today. Isn't this surreal that we are reduced to marking off months? We shouldn't have to be doing this. But life and its circumstances have forced us to. It is so hard to believe how we all manage to get through each day. It is coming up on 8 months for me. I cannot fathom how I have gotten this far without having a total breakdown and ending up in a hospital. I just keep thinking of my husband and knowing he would want me to carry on for him.

You will get through today, tonight, and tomorrow and many more tomorrows. You have all of us here, we have your back. (HUGS)

Thank you KMB your words mean so much to me. And I just can't believe it's been 3 months. It seems like yesterday he was here, but then again it doesn't. 

[KayC]

Mrsviden,

People shouldn't try to compare losses because in so doing, they invalidate the other person's loss which is highly insensitive and inappropriate.  I'm sorry you got that kind of a comment, I think most of us have, unfortunately.

[Guest]

On 06/04/2017 at 6:10 PM, KMB said:

Mrsviden, I get it. I know exactly how you feel. I still have moments when I pray so hard, begging, to see my husband walk in the door and say *I'm home, dear*. That scenario will only happen in memories. I also carry a future scenario. When it is my turn to leave this life, I will meet my husband, run into his arms and say, *I'm home, dear*.

Our self esteem took a huge blow. That could be where our self doubt, our feelings of guilt and all the other negatives come into play.

I haven't made any new friends yet. A new friend should deserve 100% of me. I don't know who *me* is right now. I'm still in the process of taking baby steps out of my comfort zone.

Mrsviden and kmb . Just thought I would drop you a line on the subject of friends. I don't think that you need to give 100% of yourself to a new friendship. I don't think that you can when 99% of your head is consumed with your loss. Just bear in mind when making new friends that friendship is something that, like a little seed, Is Planted and you nurture over time.  Speaking from experience that I wish I hadn't had, as the friendship grows, it means that you are starting to grow as the new person that you are too. It will never make the loss any better but gradually you start to enjoy your new friendships and, unbelievably you will start to smile again.  You have to.  When I am feeling low, my son reminds me that my husband took his life to make ours better, as he believed, without him (so untrue but that was his belief). So despite not agreeing with my husband's rationale when he was so sick, we try to carry out his last wishes for us to live life as well as we can without him. It is mortally hard but I do try.

to get back to friendships. I have a lovely tale to tell you.  I had a new lady about my age came to work for me. At lunchtime, I took her round the local town to show her the shops, find somewhere to eat and generally make her feel welcome.  While we were looking in one of the shops, I mentioned that I had lost my husband about three months previously. She said to me "I know what that feels like."  I said "I really hope that you don't "! Anyway, it transpires that about 18 years ago, her husband died unexpectedly as well. So we were both widows and both the same age.  As the months went by, we have become very good friends with a lot in common besides being widows. We do the same job, we like the same music, we like gardening and dogs and love buying clothes!  It wasn't an overnight new friendship but it has developed into a nice one. It doesn't get 100% of my attention because I have much other stuff that I do but I look forward to hooking up with her. We don't sit for ages discussing widowhood either, we sometimes talk about how things are but mostly it is about the present and future. 

Dont worry about taking baby steps out of your comfort zone! I don't even feel like I have had a comfort zone after my gorgeous husband died, he was my comfort zone I think. He was my sanctuary from everything in life. I am still quite cautious about everything but I have to remind myself that the worst thing that could ever have befallen me has happened now. Knowing that makes me feel like I can muster the strength to do most things in life because nothing can be as bad as what I have gone through. I will cope with anything now. I will make mistakes but I can put the right also.

i am writing this note druing one of my sad times when I am not really in a very good place. This happens on and off all of the time. But, I have reread this before posting it, and the message that I am trying to get across is that there are positive things that will happen in the future, lovely new friendships you don't know about yet and who knows what else? I don't. I just do know that there are some happy threads running through all of our webs of sorrow and you really do need to latch on to them.

sincerely, Mist

[HHFaith]

Mist, thank you for your post. I feel more positive after reading it. I also feel that this is the worst thing to have to go through so I guess we will all come out stronger in the end. And yes, we don't know what the future holds for any of us but there will be many positive things. I'm trying so hard to hold on to that - the future will NOT be all bleak!  

[KMB]

Mist, Thank you for your uplifting post! This road of grieving does leave a person feeling hopeless, lost, filled with despair. It does me good to read your words that give me hope that it won't always feel so hard and lonely. I could use a female friend just to get out with once in awhile, coffee, a meal, some shopping. Just have to get myself out there more. I may be broken right now, but I like to think I am fixable enough to find out who I am and why am I here and take it from there.

[Mrsviden]

Mist, wow what an Awesome story that is. 

Today is a weird day, today is the first day I've ever had to put down that I'm a widow. I don't feel like that is my title I still consider myself married and still wear my rings, I'll never take them off. How can it be that I'm 22 years old and widowed? I just don't understand it most of the time. I still just expect him to walk right through that door at any moment 

[KayC]

Mist,

I made a new friend when my husband died...she was there for him his last weekend when her husband was also in the hospital and I was gone and she split her time between them.  A few years later she lost her husband too.  We also had many common interests and ways of looking at things, the special thing is we could always talk to each other about anything and know the other understood.  She's now moved back to TX and I miss her a lot.