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    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
jonie1985

still trying to learn the holiday balance

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LAST YEAR I WAS CARING FOR MY FATHER DURING HIS SHORT FERIOUS ILLNESS AND IT WAS HARD TO DO THANKSGIVING AND CHRISTMAS AND KEEP IT AS NORMAL AS POSSIBLE FOR THE KIDS. MY FATHER PASSED AWAY IN JAN. OF THIS YEAR AND MY MOTHER-IN-LAW WAS DIAGNOSED WITH CANCER AGAIN FOR THE 3RD TIME IN 6 YEARS. SHE IS NOW IN HOSPICE CARE AT THE NURSING HOME WE VISIT HER ALEAST 2 TIMES A WEEK. I FEEL LIKE I'M HAVING THIS TERRIBLE NIGHTMARE THAT HAS REPEATED ITSELF. MY YOUNGEST DAUGHTER HAS SUFFERED EMOTIONALLY WITH THE LOSS OF GRANDPA AND KNOWING THAT GRANDMA IS GOING TO DIE SOON ALSO. SHE IS 6 YEARS OLD. I HAVE  AN APPOINTMENT FOR HER TO GO TALK TO A SPECIALIST. IT WAS SO EASY TO MAKE HER APPOINTMENT AND SO HARD FOR ME TO MAKE ONE FOR MYSELF. SO HOPEFULLY I WILL FIND WHAT IM LOOKING FOR HERE.

 

 

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DianeS   

I know what you mean.  My dad died on Sept. 4 of this year, so we are heading toward the many firsts without him.  His birthday is on Dec. 13, so that's in between the two big holidays.  My mom died of cancer a number of years ago, but was diagnosed the day after Thanksgiving and died 10 days after Christmas.  The"funk" sets in this time of year, every year and it takes me a couple of weeks to pull myself out of it.  Sometimes I'll be in a store and hear the first Christmas carols of the year and will have tears well up in my eyes.  My youngest brother died in an Air Force plane crash nine months before my mom's death.  His birthday is Dec. 3rd.  So many important dates without so many important people.  My son was also six when my mom died and I remember how difficult it was that year to have a "normal" Christmas for he and his sister, while I was all but dying inside.  The next year was not much easier.  There is something to be said about getting through all of those "firsts."  Each year becomes a little easier. 

I'm sorry you are going through this with your mother-in-law right now too.  A good friend of mine told me many times, "You just take the next step," while we were struggling through the Christmas that my mother was dying.  Often that is all we can do.  One day, one step, sometimes one minute at a time. 

DianeS

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THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR STORY WITH ME I REALLY APPRECIATE IT. I HAVE LEARNED THAT I CAN'T DO IT ALL. I HAVE LEARNED TO BALANCE THINGS OUT SOMEWHAT. NOT TO SAY I DON'T FEEL GUILTY AT TIMES. BUT I TELL MYSELF I'M NO GOOD TO ANYONE IF I'M WORE OUT. IT DOESN'T SEEM TO TAKE MUCH TO FEEL WORE OUT THESE DAYS. MY FAMILY LOST MY BROTHER HIS WIFE AND TWO CHILDREN ALL AT ONE TIME 16 YEARS AGO. THEY HAD BEEN ON A CAMPING TRIP WITH MY PARENTS. MY BROTHERS TENT WAS RUN OVER BY A VAN FULL OF TEENAGERS IN THE EARLY MORNING. SO WE HAVE BEEN THREW ALOT. I THOUGHT IT WOULD DESTROY MY FAMILY,BUT IN THE END IT MADE US STRONGER. WE CHERISHED OUR FAMILY MOMENTS SO MUCH MORE AFTER THAT. SO WE HAD THE WAKE UP CALL THAT TOMORROW MAY NOT COME. SO I AM GRATEFUL FOR THE LITTLE THINGS.

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DianeS   

Amen to that.  When you pull together through a tragedy, it does make you stronger.  I can only imagine what your family went through losing your brother and his family all at once.  What a horrible, tragic thing.  I'm so sorry.  After losing my brother and my mother within a few months of each other we were all shell shocked.  The one thing that sticks in my mind so clearly though, is my dad pulling my two remaining brothers and myself into a group hug and saying, "We'll get through this together."  And we did.  Because we had each other we got through it.  You know what I'm talking about.  I have been so blessed to have a close, loving family.  I'm really feeling the loss this week because of so many hard memories at this time of year and my dad's abscence being felt so strongly as we are getting ready to celebrate our first holiday without him.  Someone posted recently that a death opens up wounds from the past and I think that's true. 

I'm so thankful for all I have and yet I'm feeling so sad today.   Tomorrow I'll have my two precious grandsons here.  It's hard to be sad when I see that silly grin on baby Luke's face and when I hear 4 1/2 year old Chris call my name and cover my cheeks with his kisses.  Spending time with them always puts things in perspective and lifts the spirits.

DianeS

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GOD BLESS YOU!!I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT THANKSGIVING WITH THOSE GRANDBABIES. CHILDREN ARE SUCH BLESSINGS!! YOU ARE A BLESSING. I HOPE WE CAN CONTINUE TO TALK. THANK YOU FOR SHARING WITH ME IT MEANS ALOT

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I guess I find some comfort in knowing that I am not alone.   I lost my mother on January 1, 2007 (Yeah I know Happy New Year).  It was the longest day of my life.  I have dealt with the 1st birthday (mine and hers), Mother's day, her favorites like the 4th but Thanksgiving was the worst.  I had my emotional break down a week before.  People look at you like you are insane.   They think that you should be able to shut off how you feel.    I am sorry... My mother loved Thanksgiving.  I always cooked for her and my brother.  I almost talked myself out of it this year.  I did it.  The day was okay until my brother showed up with his family then I  broke down.  It sunk in that she would no longer be there.  It was worst when I had to set the table.    I dread Christmas but I dread NY Eve more.  That was the last time I saw or spoke to her.   I try to think that she is better off not suffering but come on she was only 53.   She had COPD but they never let on that it was that severe.   I do all the what ifs.   What if I stayed with her?  What if I took her to the hospital? 

I missed out a lot when she was alive and I guess my heart aches because of it.  Now I have to cling to the memories that I do have...

 

 

 

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I lost my son Jordan 10/20/07. My thinking was okay...well, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Jan.2nd (his birthday) will all be over while this is still so fresh. I was thinking maybe it will be easier because it all comes right away. Nope. It still sucks. I can't even get into Christmas. I feel bad for my 15 yr old. He even asked for a tree. He lives with his dad. I am pretty sure they got a tree but I doubt it's even been decorated. I can't bear to put a tree in my apartment. My son rarely comes over or I would for him.  It's weird to think back to years past and how we looked forward to holidays. Now I hate them. Jordan wasn't super excited about Christmas but that boy loved to eat! So anytime there was yummy food, he was all for it! In fact I used to bring leftovers to him all of the time. And now I am just sad when I bring food home. Sometimes i forget he is gone and I think oh cool I can take that to Jordan.  Stranger how those little things can depress you. But, you're right...we have all of the good memories. All of those fun time and when we laughed and just enjoyed being around one another. No one can take that away from us. I hope you're doing okay.

 

 

[user=18862]davina711[/user] wrote:

I guess I find some comfort in knowing that I am not alone.   I lost my mother on January 1, 2007 (Yeah I know Happy New Year).  It was the longest day of my life.  I have dealt with the 1st birthday (mine and hers), Mother's day, her favorites like the 4th but Thanksgiving was the worst.  I had my emotional break down a week before.  People look at you like you are insane.   They think that you should be able to shut off how you feel.    I am sorry... My mother loved Thanksgiving.  I always cooked for her and my brother.  I almost talked myself out of it this year.  I did it.  The day was okay until my brother showed up with his family then I  broke down.  It sunk in that she would no longer be there.  It was worst when I had to set the table.    I dread Christmas but I dread NY Eve more.  That was the last time I saw or spoke to her.   I try to think that she is better off not suffering but come on she was only 53.   She had COPD but they never let on that it was that severe.   I do all the what ifs.   What if I stayed with her?  What if I took her to the hospital? 

I missed out a lot when she was alive and I guess my heart aches because of it.  Now I have to cling to the memories that I do have...

 

 

 

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kelly   

Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields

- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.

- Facebook and Twitter Integration

- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"

- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.

- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board

- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it.

- Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible.

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other.

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA

CEO/President

Beyond Indigo Family

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