Members My girl is in heaven Posted April 2, 2017 Members Report Share Posted April 2, 2017 I'm new here. I lost my 17 year old daughter almost six years ago due to cardiac arrthymia. I still struggle just trying to do everyday things, like going to the grocery store or doing some dishes. I do have two other children and a husband but she is always missing. I feel like I should be further along in my journey. How do any of you do it. And Mary, I feel a lot of the same feeling you do. You are not alone there. If you or anyone wants to exchange emails let me know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tommy's mum Posted April 3, 2017 Members Report Share Posted April 3, 2017 Luannej I am glad you found us here but so sorry that you lost your daughter. The most active supporting thread here is Loss of an Adult Child so please join us on there. It is for any parent who has lost a child of any age from miscarriage or stillbirth through to any age as an adult. The grief journey is long, complicated and painful. We all have different healing rates because each circumstance is unique and we are all individuals. I am now 18 months on from losing my son and have been to the very bottom of the abyss but am slowly coming upto the surface. I credit a good part of my recovery to a good psychiatrist, medication and an excellent bereavement counsellor. I truly believe counselling is a vital part of healing. I know some people have tried it too early on or have not met the right person to bond with. It is vital to feel a connection with a counsellor so you feel safe sharing your vulnerabilities and emotions, so you may need to try a couple. Although I became very mentally unwell (resulting in a very serious suicide attempt which failed when my sister inexplicably found me and gave me full CPR until the ambulance arrived) I participated fully and have come to some kind of peace and functionability. Although I grieve every day it is manageable and I continue to make progress. Some people are still struggling years on and it is because they have been unable to fully process what happened at the time because it was too painful or because perhaps they have had to return to work too early. We all have to make choices in our lives but we can also explore different ways to help come to terms with our tragic loss. There is no easy or quick way to grieve I am afraid, it is very traumatic but you already know that right? Having other children is both a blessing and a curse because too often our own emotions are put aside in order to help our children resulting in a delayed grief reaction. I am happy to answer emails if you would like or you can post publicly and meet other members. YOU are not alone either, there are many wise members who can offer help and personal insights into losing a child and grieving, I hope you feel able to connect with someone and share more about your daughter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members My girl is in heaven Posted April 4, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted April 4, 2017 Dear Tommy's mom. Thank you so much for your reply. My daughter was a beautiful, vibrant 17 year old who had no health problems and was involved in all kinds of sports. She collapsed in the tub on fathers day 2011 and by the time we found her it was too late. The drs think it was cardiac arrthymia but not sure. I heard a thud earlier and in hindsight I know that must have been her falling so I will forever live with the guilt I did not get there sooner. I went back to work but lost my job of 29 yrs a few years later as I was unable to concentrate anymore. I saw a psychiatrist for five years who gave me only 15 minutes to talk, had me on so many medications I could hardly function and then told me I was being stupid and delusional because I could not get past missing my child. I have since gone back on one med. To help me thru. I do still have a few supportive people in my life, but most friends, family, drs. Have all deserted me. I am so sorry that you lost your son. I am glad that your sister saved your life. Sometimes that seems to be the only answer when you r at the bottom. I am glad we connected and look forward to hearing from you and other parents again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tommy's mum Posted April 4, 2017 Members Report Share Posted April 4, 2017 Luannej join us on Loss of an adult child thread as it is easier for us to keep track of each other ok? do NOT live with that guilt anymore it was an accident. Your 17 yr old girl would have wanted her privacy and locked the door, so how do you know that noise was her? Maybe its your grief telling you something that is not true. Grief and depression do that to you I know from self experience. My grief told me my children would be better off with one parent rather than two who hate each other, so not true but I listened to my detriment. Sudden cardiac arrhythmia occur without warning at any time and can not be seen or detected earlier, she could have collapsed on the field during any sport activity or even in bed whilst sleeping. I am also a former nurse so i know what I am talking about. That psychiatrist should be struck off for negligence, no way to deal with a person dealing with so much sadness and hoplessness. Sometimes you just need a change of doctor one who gives you some time and attention and gets that grieving makes you lose not only your mind but also some physical capability such as a job. i encourage you to look for a new doctor preferably a psychiatrist, and maybe some counselling/therapy to help you. Swap threads and we will see you there ok? Loss of an Adult child. Take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mary sledzianowski Posted April 4, 2017 Members Report Share Posted April 4, 2017 luannej I don't mind exchanging emails. mine is marysledzianowski@gmail.com looking forward to talking with you. I;m so very sorry about your daughter, i truly am... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members My girl is in heaven Posted April 5, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted April 5, 2017 Hi Mary. My email is ltaylor50@rogers.com. I look forward to talking to you too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tommy's mum Posted April 11, 2017 Members Report Share Posted April 11, 2017 Louann my email is no1mslesley@gmail.com if you are interested. Take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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