Lost my dad

[Dog88]

I lost my dad a few weeks ago after a long hour with heart disease and cancer. He had been sick for the majority of my life so when he passed I had a feeling of relief knowing he was free but guilt for feeling that way. I had lost my mother when I was 6 and this seemed to bring up a lot of unresolved grief so maybe that is making this more difficult. I held his hand as he passed and we held a service last week. So it is 3am and I can't sleep due to thinking about him and knowing I can't go to him for advice or to be able to give him a grandchild one day and it hurts. Not sure what or how to do next? Just feeling empty

[The Girl]

I'm very sorry for your loss.  Losing a parent is difficult, and it's completely understandable that that loss would be compounded by losing your mom at an age when you were too young to really process what had happened.  

It's natural to feel conflicted after dealing with a long illness.  I lost my mom recently after an illness of about 3 years, and although I feel she left far too soon, I still had so much hope left for her, I also know she had suffered a lot.  So on the one hand, you've seen their struggle and never wanted that life for them, but on the other hand you didn't want to lose them.  It's okay to feel relief that the suffering is over, b/c that's never something you'd want a loved one to go through.  Relief for their peace doesn't mean you don't miss them terribly or that it isn't hard on you.  It only means you understood what they were going through.  That empathy is from a place of love.  

Everyone grieves differently.  As often as you'll hear that, it's entirely true.  Your grief for your dad may even be very different from that for your mom.  Some people grieve the same no matter who they lost, while others take a different route each time.  If you're grieving both at the same time, that may also be different.  There's no wrong way to grieve.  

What you do next only depends on what you feel you need to do, for you.  Do you need to talk?  This forum or other online forums are available, as well as support groups, or therapy, or friends and family.  I've found writing to my mom in a grief journal to be therapeutic.  Do you need to honor your dad, or your mom?  You can put together pictures, or a playlist, or visit places that had significance to them, or anything you can think of that would be fitting to either of them.  Do you just need to cry it out?  Then by all means, have a good, hard cry anytime you need to.  Take as much time as you need to grieve.