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Lost my 19 year old daughter


Tinay

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I lost my daughter Kiona 9 days ago. We said our goodbyes this past Monday. It doesn't seem real, feels like she is away at vo-tech. Her and I had a rocky relationship and I didn't get to see her much. It's not hard being home, she had never been in my apartment. Although, I spend most my time in my bedroom as all her clothes and things are in my living room. I can't seem to cry. I do have short episodes of it.  We are waiting her autopsy for final diagnosis and possible charges. She should be back today or tomorrow and I can have part of her here. That I'm sure will be an eye opener. Thank you for reading. 

Tina

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I am so sorry for your loss, Tina. What a beautiful girl and a beautiful smile.

The waiting is the hardest part, it's almost suffocating and everything doesn't seem real. My 20 year old son Nathan was murdered a little over 8 months ago and it still doesn't seem real some days. I understand what you are going through and it's like everything is trapped in amber while you wait to know something. I am so sorry you have to go through this, and as a mother who's been through something very similar, I know that it can be so hard. No one wants to be in that position, but many of us have been and my heart reaches out to you.

Most of the people post in the thread > Loss of an Adult Child < at the top of the forum and it seems to be the busiest forum for responses. There are too many of us with similar experiences there, but we can share what we've been through in hopes that it makes it easier for each of us to bear.

Again, I am so sorry for what you are going through. It's the toughest thing I've ever been through in my life. I'm sending you all my positive thoughts.

~Margo

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Tommy's mum

Tinay I am so sorry you have to be without your beautiful daughter it is a very painful journey. As Margo said, join us on Loss of an adult child and let us chat with you about your daughter. Having a support system is invaluable and we have all been there and know how isolating and debilitating the grief journey can be.

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I heard from the states attorney. Hopefully Tuesday he will tell me they are filling manslaughter charges. It bothers me that people can be so mean, for lack of better word, regarding how my daughter died. They don't know the events that took place. I just want to clarify everything. I don't do it because I don't want to hurt the case if it goes that far. Yes, my daughter drank too much. But you placed her in her stomach with her hands underneath her. Then as she is moaning for help, you take snap chats instead of assisting. I haven't seen nor heard those. Not sure I want to. But that was careless behavior that resulted in my daughter's death. I am praying for justice. 

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Tommy's mum
  • Tinay I am sorry the waiting must be so hard I hope you get some justice but be aware that sometimes it doesn't go the way we want. Join us on Loss of an Adult child where you can tell us whatever you want without fear of reprisal or judgement. Not a good idea to see the snapchats it will probably upset you too much and really how will it help you? It won't bring her back. there is a video of my son's death too. His drunk friend took it not realising that the two men would fall, he thought it could be played back after they came in the window from the ledge so they could watch it after. I know everything about my son's case I have seen the police reports and autopsy report and spoke to the doctor who tried to save my son and the police and his friends who were there. I asked for the video to be destroyed. The friend who took it has PTSD and is still recovering. He uses his emotions to rap about my son Tommy and hopes for a career in music using his memories positively not negatively. I thought about seeing the video but know it would be very detrimental to my health, it took a few months before the screaming nightmares went away and I don't need their return. Think carefully before watching the snapchats what is seen cannot be unseen and you need to be strong for the journey ahead of you ok?
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4 minutes ago, Tommy's mum said:
  • Tinay I am sorry the waiting must be so hard I hope you get some justice but be aware that sometimes it doesn't go the way we want. Join us on Loss of an Adult child where you can tell us whatever you want without fear of reprisal or judgement. Not a good idea to see the snapchats it will probably upset you too much and really how will it help you? It won't bring her back. there is a video of my son's death too. His drunk friend took it not realising that the two men would fall, he thought it could be played back after they came in the window from the ledge so they could watch it after. I know everything about my son's case I have seen the police reports and autopsy report and spoke to the doctor who tried to save my son and the police and his friends who were there. I asked for the video to be destroyed. The friend who took it has PTSD and is still recovering. He uses his emotions to rap about my son Tommy and hopes for a career in music using his memories positively not negatively. I thought about seeing the video but know it would be very detrimental to my health, it took a few months before the screaming nightmares went away and I don't need their return. Think carefully before watching the snapchats what is seen cannot be unseen and you need to be strong for the journey ahead of you ok?

Thank you for your response. I am aware of what could happen if it doesn't go my way. I know fully well that it won't bring her back. I'm advocating for her so in hopes to not happen to someone else's child and bring awareness and hopefully get laws changed in our state. At first before the autopsy report came back, it was maybe a 20% chance we could file other charges. With it back, and having those snap chat recordings, it increases our chances. I'm sorry, if it turns out, that things didn't go your way, but please don't bring my hope down. I don't mean to sound mean but this is what I have for now to fight for her and save her name and my family's name. The states attorney said, you can tell she was in trouble. He didn't assist. It wasn't just an accident. And I realize that he has to live with this, but the key word is live...My daughter doesn't get to live. 

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Tommy's mum

Tinay I am glad you are advocating for your daughter as she is not here to do it herself.  i totally agree with being able to change laws to prevent other tragedies occurring, as this would be one bright spot in a very dark situation. Saving your family's name and reputation is of course very important, sometimes the media can be quite mean about cases without having all the facts. My son's story went worldwide he died a hero so I am not unhappy with the media or the accidental death verdict, and I am in contact with the young man who my son tried to save from suicide so all is as good as it is gonna get. I was just concerned about the effect the snapchats may be for you that's all i was not trying to bring you down. As a fellow grieving parent i am only here to offer advice and support. i understand you were not meaning to sound mean, emotions are very raw for you at this time and i respect that. I wish you luck and sorry if you took offense.

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Thank you. At this time, I want to hear the recordings. Tho if it does go to court, I am not sure if I even want to hear them as I know they will be played. It will come down to that moment in time. It isn't so much the media, it's people's comments to the stories. I just have to keep reminding myself that they don't know all the events that took place. I feel if this boy only gets a "slap" on the wrist, then she died in vain and no one will learn from it. Right now it's a waiting game. This Tuesday will be only 3 weeks since she passed. I don't know if the shock is wearing off but anything, TV shoes etc, make me cry thinking she doesn't get to do that. Then my mind switches again. Then another event in the show, endless cycle. I decided to make homemade journals for me and the girls in my family, as well as my son, tho he may not use it. It will be therapeutic for me to make and then journal.  Even if it is just doodling to let thoughts I cannot get on aper work their way through. 

My aunt lost her daughter 2 years ago. Same month, same day of the week. I'm going to connect with her next month. My cousin was also 8 months pregnant when she passed. I hope we can help each other. 

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Tommy's mum

Hi Tinay Only 3 weeks since your daughter passed and here you are being stronger than you know, and keeping it together that is great.Journalling is good especially as time passes and you can look back and see how far you have come. I am glad that you can reconnect with your aunt, because she has been through the devastation herself and people's reactions to the loss and will be a valuable resource fro you. Anyone and anything that helps you is valuable. i hope you will be able to file charges and the boy will get more than a slapped wrist. Being negligent and uncaring to a fellow human being is appalling and contributed to her death no question. We have to try and get some justice or change laws if at all possible so these things never happen again. I have emailed the college several times in the effort of making them put window locks on so my son wont have died in vain but as of yet no joy. i will continue to email them in the hope that one day I get a response saying locks have been installed but I may be drawing my pension before that happens. Keep strong

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