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Four Losses in Ten Months

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I lost my great aunt in May of 2016.  It was a shock, at least to me.  I did not know of the health issues that she had.  I did not know she hid it all so that she could continue to help others.  I lost my great uncle in October of 2016.  He was a grumpy guy, but loved deeply.  Behind his scowl was a smile that only those who knew him could see.  I lost my grandmother in January of 2017.  My heart aches with each beat.  She was everything to me.  Her loss is like a blow to my chest, a hole that is not filled.  I lost another great aunt just two days ago.  She  may have liked Michigan State and talked bad about Michigan football, but she could always make me smile and laugh. 

My father's side of the family is where all the loss is from in the past ten months.  His side got together every year to have a reunion and then at Christmas Eve.  My dad's aunts, uncles, and cousins were mine in every sense of the word.  I guess I always thought that they would not change, age.  How foolish was I.  Each loss has made this hole in my chest bigger.  Each a blow bigger than the last.  The death of my gram has been too much though.  I just cannot wrap my head around the fact that she is gone, the fact that I cannot call her right now.  I want to so bad. 

I feel like I cannot tell anyone about this ache in my chest.  I feel like everyone around me is trying to forget her, my other family that is now gone.  I know others are hurt and aching too, I know this.  I feel that others are trying to move on. How can they move on when they meant so much?  Gram was a centerpiece in my life as for others too.  Why would they want to forget?  I cannot.  Everything just stays bottled up, no release out.  My husband doesn't really respond back when I talk about my pain.  He tells me to move on as that is what they would want.  I know this is partially true but the pain is there, the pain is real and raw and it cuts me open every time I remember. 

It is an endless cycle.

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I am very sorry about the loss of your loved ones, especially your beloved Gram. Talking about her, talking about your feelings is the best way to heal. Perhaps others are not talking because someone needs to start the talking. Perhaps others in the family feel exactly like you do but are afraid, reserved or nervous about expressing how they feel. So, reach out and start talking. If you find no one in your family wants to talk about the lost loved ones, then find a self-help group or grieving group in your home community. Many funeral homes have grief groups that are open to anyone. 

We will be here for you,


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Thank you for your reply.  I find your advice helpful.  I am in the process of finding support groups in my community that I may be able to attend.  I am also speaking to some family about the feelings and thoughts of the loss and impact.  It is difficult as they are also grieving but also helpful as they are family going through a similar situation.

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