Could use help/advice?

[Istillmisshim]

It has been 13 years since my son passed, and now that my daughter is almost in her final year of high school I'm afraid of how to cope again. She has been my rock and what keeps me going, once she starts a life of her own I have no idea what I am going to do? Hobbies do not bring me joy as they once did, even the closest of family or friends do not begin to bridge the hole that was left behind. I was able to pour my love into my daughter all this time but it is almost time for her to leave the nest, I know I am not prepared for this. I have severe anxiety of hospitals because of their role in my son's situation. I have never been comfortable in large groups, have social anxiety, and tend to be a hermit. I'm reaching out here because I know I need advice, perhaps someone here is or has went through this and has ideas of what can help? Medication does not help, I react differently to many medicines than most people. Recently had heart stent, sad truth is what brought on need was daughter wanting to date for first time. Obviously I had coronary heart disease to begin with, stress just brought on the attack. A huge concern is just thinking about her not being around makes my blood pressure skyrocket, this is very dangerous. Going to hospital only compounds situation, I have been going anyways it just isn't helping thus far. In fact just being there makes blood pressure go up more, to the point my cardiologist wants me to limit my appointments to minimal at least until I finish my 1st year post op. Outwardly most people think I'm normal and strong person, very few people know or would guess that I am still so broken inside. For lack of a connection there was an obvious limit to what a therapist was able to help with, reaching out here because I know there are others here that understand and know what I'm feeling. I typically do not open up well about these feelings, no real need until lately.

[TearsInHeaven]

IStillMissHim, I am so very sorry for your loss and the renewed anguish--not that your loss ever went away but facing more changes bringing things to the forefront again. I lost my son 2.5 years ago.  Having a teenager about to step out into the world is a challenging part for a parent. Opening up about your feelings are important.  I wish I had all the right words to say.  I would suggest you join in on the thread Loss Of An Adult Child.  We have many active parents on that site ,

If you click on the Loss of an adult child  you will see to the far right that the last person to post is listed.  If you click underneath at the time it will take you to the most active post.

[Tommy's mum]

Istillmisshim I am so sorry that you lost your son. It does not matter how long ago it happened it will always be painful for you. The majority of people think there is a standard mourning time and that is not true, for us parents it is forever. I am glad your daughter has grown and is on the way to adulthood, you have done your job well. Many parents feel the impact of empty nest syndrome, we miss our adult children because we want to kind of keep hold of the past. However they all deserve their future and independence from us to continue to learn how to be an adult. My 3 other kids are all grown and flown and I do miss them, but we chat weekly and snapchat and they come home every 6-8 weeks. Is that often enough for me? No! But I recognize they have their own lives and partners and social occasions and I want them to be happy, so I relish the time with them when they are home. I am sorry about your cardiac issues and fear of hospitals, that is tough when you have to attend appointments, but remind yourself that you need to be healthy for your family and try to self calm. I suffered with agrophobia since my eldest son was killed 18 months ago, yet here I am in the USA at this very minute visiting old friends. (we lived in PA for 18years so it feels like home.) Yep! I managed to get on a bus on my own and on a plane on my own and have spent almost a month away from my safety net of my house and cat. Never thought I could do that but we humans are stronger than we think and with therapy and medications I am making progress. It took a long time to get my mental health together after Tommy died and then I developed some physical issues too so I know how it feels to be more dependent on others. I have had to accept I have a disability and my life is different, but I was forever altered by grief anyway. So I believe we are all survivors and that we can change the way things have been, and face new challenges in life because we have already lost a child. Please join us on Loss of an adult child as Dianne suggested, and you can share more with us.